


Falling

by LadyAuroraPendragon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (But Niall Horan or Harry Styles probably does), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Any song Merlin writes in this story I do not own, F/M, Gen, Longing, M/M, Morgana being a BAB, One-Sided Attraction, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, piano stuff, the slowest of burns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 69,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23979313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAuroraPendragon/pseuds/LadyAuroraPendragon
Summary: Merlin's mother is desperate and marrying Uther Pendragon,  a very wealthy man with two children of his own. How will shy Merlin get along with the playboy and daddies boy, Arthur, and the eccentric and very opinionated, Morgana? Will everything fall into place, or end in a disaster? Only time will tell...
Relationships: (side), Gwaine/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hunith/Uther Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 124
Kudos: 280





	1. Chapter 1

It was a castle, an actual castle. At least that was Merlin's first thought upon arriving to the house. It had to be on the biggest plot of land in London. Having lived in Ireland for all of his life, Merlin knew the living conditions were quite tight in the city. And although this property did look old, it appeared as if every few years it was touched up until it was shining again.

Merlin's father's house had been quite small, only two bedrooms, Merlin couldn't even guess how many bedrooms there were in this place. His father's house, or he supposed Merlin's childhood home, was comfy though, and homey. This was not. But he had his own bedroom, be it much larger than Merlin had ever had before, and that's all that really matter to him. Besides, Uther had a daughter named Morgana, a year older than Merlin. He was excited for that, he had never had any siblings growing up, although shy as Merlin was, he hoped to get to know her better.

Uther, being Merlin's mother's fiancé. Though, he preferred boyfriend, or _old man friend_...as they, in his opinion, were rushing things much too fast. Merlin's father had only died three months before this, and his mother's visa was running out. Hunith, Merlin's mother, was from the Ukraine, even though Merlin was born and raised, with his father, in Ireland. She had gotten pregnant with Merlin on a holiday, and feeling as if she was trying to trap him, Merlin's father refused to marry her, but agreed to take Merlin. So, when he got sick, she came back and when he died, instead of taking Merlin back to the Ukraine with her, they traveled to London. Enter Uther Pendragon. They barely dated before Hunith was talking about marriage and Merlin wondered how he could be so stupid to believe she really loved him and wasn't just marrying him to stay here.

Merlin wasn't stupid enough to believe it, it was the same thing she did to his father. She always seemed to forget anymore, that she didn't raise Merlin, maybe Uther didn't know that, but when they sat down for dinner every day, and sometimes even in the formal dinning room, which was huge, with vast ceilings that looked up to the second floor. She always told stories of Merlin as a baby, that must be made up, because Merlin had only met her three times before his father got sick.

Yes, Merlin was sort of painting his mother in a bad light, but Uther wasn't much better himself. He got angry easy, especially with his daughter, Morgana, and sometimes Hunith too, when she didn't like certain things he suggested about the wedding. Like once he suggested they just get married quick, as this would be his third and that was rather embarrassing for him. Hunith got rather upset, as this would be her first wedding, and maybe Merlin could understand both sides of that argument, but it was the nasty things they said once angry that he couldn't agree with. Uther also seemed to get angry when Merlin didn't talk, he didn't seem to understand that Merlin was shy and he didn't really know him. Once he had even caught Uther yelling at his mother for it, and Hunith made excuses, but truth being that she barely knew Merlin herself, they were all the wrong ones.

Morgana, whom had been listening in too, told Merlin not to worry about it, because soon enough they would both be of age and could move out. Merlin didn't really see that as a possibility just yet, as he was only fifteen.

Morgana wasn't Uther's only child either, He had a son and an Ex-step daughter he spoke darkly of. His son though, Arthur, he seemed very found of him, as he constantly reminded Merlin that he was going to become a professional footballer, and suggested Merlin follow in a similar path. Or maybe a lawyer or a doctor, Merlin was interested in none of that. He had yet to meet Arthur, but from what Uther said about him, Merlin wasn't much of a fan. "When Arthur was in school, he would crush bullies, no one messed with my son and got away with it," said Uther, once when Hunith informed him Merlin was being harassed by students at his new school. "Arthur isn't all skill, he is smart too, he could easily beat you at Chess...with his eyes closed," he said as he demanded to teach Merlin Chess one day. "Arthur can be quite violent, he once punched me when I tried to reprimand him," Uther said, having had just punched a wall out of anger.

What Merlin was gathering here, was Uther and his son were both bullies and Merlin mostly just wanted to be left alone and get on with life. He wasn't going to lie though, he was a little scared to meet Arthur, what if he was worse, if that was possible, than what Uther was saying? Merlin didn't think he could take two Uthers, he didn't even want one...

But the day was upon him, it was November, winter break was starting at Arthur's Uni and he was expected home that afternoon. Merlin wondered if Uther had told him about Merlin at all, did he even know Merlin was there, would he even care?

Merlin was sat at the breakfast nook, a still very large table, but smaller than the dining room table, in the kitchen, eating his jam on toast and trying not to think about the school day that was ahead of him. Uther and Hunith were taking around the corner, in the kitchen part of the kitchen, they had walked over there to speak privately, but spoke perfectly clear, as if forgetting Merlin was even there.

"I'm telling you, Uther," she was saying. "I haven't felt this way since I was pregnant with Merlin, bloated, nauseous, it might be possible...?"

"I have already told you, the doctor said my vasectomy is irreversible, I already tried with my last wife," said Uther, with a hint of annoyance. He got annoyed very easily though, so that wasn't surprising. "If you're really pregnant, than I am going to assume you're stepping out of our relationship."

"You know I would never cheat, Uther..." said Hunith, sounding a little scared now. "Maybe it's gas..."

"Yes," said Uther, but then the sounds of Hunith forcing herself to cry could be heard and then a loud sigh, which was probably from Uther. "Come now, Hunith, don't cry. I know you want a baby, but what am I to do?"

"I just want something that is ours, is that so bad? I missed... _I miss_ being a mother," she cried out. "There are other ways to have a baby, Uther."

"Like what?"

"Adoption...using another persons sperm."

"Oh...no, _no_ ," said Uther, frankly. "If it's going to have the Pendragon name, it will have my sperm or _no sperm_ at all."

As fun as it was to listen to someone say _sperm_ as you were eating, Merlin ducked out, neither seemed to notice as he dropped off his plate in the sink and said goodbye. Merlin's day at school wasn't so bad today, Gwen, the only girl who even bothered talking to Merlin at this school, sat with him for lunch for the very first time.

"That's new," said Merlin, as she sat down across from him, but she did look a little harassed.

"Oh, this bitch is mad at me," said Gwen, looking over her shoulder at a blond girl she normally always sat with, named Vivian. "She says I made out with her boyfriend."

"Why would she say that?"

"Because she saw us," grinned Gwen. "But still, how dare she accuse me!"

Merlin would never understand girls. He did wonder about something though. "Aren't you engaged?"

"Yes, but Lance is off at Uni probably doing the same thing," she rolled her eyes. Merlin frowned, he remembered her telling him last week that she had been engaged since she was fourteen. He didn't really expect them to work out, once this Lance came back and found out his girlfriend was a-

"SLUT!" yelled Vivian, as she walked passed, Gwen held up her middle finger at her, until she was out of sight. Merlin, being a nice, respectable virgin, how did he manage to attract such people?

When he arrived home he rushed up to his room, mostly just afraid he would run into Arthur before dinner and he didn't think he could manage to deal with it today, he had already spent the last forty-five minutes walking Gwen home and explaining how she wasn't a trifling whore, even though they both knew she was. He checked his phone, as he swore he had felt it vibrate at one point while talking, though it was rude to read a text while comforting someone. He was alone now. but alas, it was only Pokemon-Go, he really needed to delete that app. He sighed, it had only been a month since leaving Ireland and already his one and only best friend was leaving him on read. Was he really that forgettable?

He couldn't find it in him to do his homework, he only laid in his bed and wondered if he should text Will again, was he being too needy? Maybe Will was busy? Merlin knew that wasn't true though, all Will did was sit on his backside and play video games, clearly that was more important than Merlin. Apparently, most things were...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N : Thank you so much for reading!! Stick around and read more!! I obviously do no own anything, enjoy!!!)


	2. Chapter 2

Only an hour after Merlin got home from school he was called down to dinner. He wasn't ready for this. He already had to deal with bullies at school, did he need to deal with them here too? Uther, with his loud, angry, mouth was enough. Merlin walked into the formal dinning room, hoping he had wasted enough time and everyone had started eating, and he could just slip in, eat and run away. But, life was not being that gracious. It never was. Hunith and Uther were not even in the room at all and no dishes of food had been served yet. The only two people at the table were Morgana and a blond man. Of course he knew this was Arthur, he had seen pictures.

"Oh, Merlin!" said Morgana, waving her hand in the air, like they were in a crowd and Merlin was having trouble spotting them. No, he could see them just fine, unfortunately. "Arthur," she continued, looking to her brother now. "This is Merlin, our new little, step-brother...at least for now."

They both laughed at this, making Merlin feel even more weird. Arthur stood up and smiled at Merlin. "Hey," he said, causally. Merlin didn't know what to say to this, so he waved, as he reached a chair across from them. He wanted to sit down but for some reason didn't know if he was allowed, which of course he was...he lived there, but this was their house, his house was very far away right now. "Is he mute?" asked Arthur, when Merlin didn't say anything, as he sat back down in his chair.

Morgana shook her head. "No, he just gets nervous, he's like this around Uther, too." Morgana never called her father dad or even father, she always just called him Uther, which is what caused the arguments half the time. But this had obviously been going on for some time, because Arthur didn't even bat an eye at it. He nodded.

"Yeah, I can't blame 'em" he said, with a smile. "But I'm nothing like my dad, so don't worry."

"Oh, he's told him _sooo_ many things, that are complete B.S, mind," Morgana rolled her eyes and looked over at Merlin, confused, as he still hadn't sat. Merlin forced himself to sit, even though he still felt weird and now it felt like they were talking about him as if he wasn't even there. "You were a dork in school, he plays you off as some genius, playboy...it's gross."

"Hmm..." Arthur rolled his eyes. "He likes to live through me, dad does. Just try to ignore him, Merlin...I do." Arthur smiled at Merlin and Merlin smiled back. He hadn't been like he thought at all, at least not yet anyway. "I like him already," Arthur continued, apparently talking to Morgana again. "Quiet, but...at least he's not Morgause. Jesus Christ..."

"I'll never forget about the time when she stood over me in my bed, with a knife," said Morgana, Arthur let out a laugh at that, as he leaned back in his chair. "She was a crazy bitch."

"Yeah...yeah," Arthur agreed. He looked over at Merlin again and studied him for a second. "So, Merlin...what's your mum like?"

Merlin, who hadn't spoken this entire time, looked as if possible, more scared than a deer caught in headlights. "She's...alright."

"Just alright?" asked Arthur, smirking a little at these words. "She seemed nice to me, but they always do."

Merlin didn't know if he should explain that he had lived with his dad most of his life, his mother probably wouldn't want him to, so he kept quiet. It was at this point, too, that both Hunith and Uther walked in, carrying large trays of food. Hunith sat a bowl of what looked like Shepard's pie down and some rolls. And Uther set down a giant, cooked chicken.

"Uther told me your favorites, Arthur, so I cooked them," said Hunith as she sat down next to the head of the table, where, seconds later, Uther sat. "I hope you like it."

"Oh, I will," said Arthur grinning at the food. Everyone started to eat and talked among themselves. Mostly Arthur talked to Uther and Hunith, and Morgana muttered things to Merlin every so often. He liked that, he liked Morgana a lot, she was very honest. "So, Hunith," Arthur was asking now. "Do you like to cook often?"

"Oh, yes," she smiled, looking lovely over at Merlin, Merlin almost choked at this. "I love to cook Merlin all of his favorites."

Merlin stared back at her, she had never cooked for him once until they moved in with Uther. "Oh, nice," said Arthur, grinning over to Merlin. He seemed to understand the look Merlin was giving, the confused, ' _no you don't,'_ kind of look. "Like what?"

"Oh...Merlin loves so many of my dishes," she forced a laugh. "And now I have your dad to cook for, it's so lovely I can learn new things to cook for him. Believe it or not, this was the first time I've ever made Shepard's pie."

"Well, it's very good," said Arthur, smirking and turning back to his plate. Hunith thanked him and they continued eating. They finished dinner and had chocolate pie for dessert and once that was over, Merlin was forced to do the dishes...well, Morgana was supposed to help, but she said she hadn't asked for food and was forced to be there, so she wasn't going to help and went upstairs instead. Merlin didn't mind though, it got him out of conversations for awhile.

After cleaning all the pots, Merlin was starting on the plates when Arthur walked in behind him. He tensed a little. Yes...he had been pleasant at dinner, but that didn't mean moods couldn't change and real colors couldn't come out. He opened the fridge and was rummaging through it, Merlin tried to ignore him, maybe he would just leave. But no, instead, he came and leaned against the counter, beer in the hand that wasn't supporting him on the counter.

"Trout sniffer," he said, and Merlin turned to look at him. So, here we go, the bullying. Merlin knew it was going to happen. "Sorry," he continued, seeming to notice Merlin's face for the second time in that evening. "I was talking about my dad, I hate him around woman...he's a fucking idiot."

"Oh, I-"

"No, don't even try to defend him," Arthur held up his beer in protest. "Actual fucking noob. I'm not trying to offend you when I say this, but does your mum need papers?"

"Uh...kind of," muttered Merlin. Arthur shook his head. "I...I don't really know her that well. I lived with my dad for all of my life."

Merlin didn't know why he said this, if his mother found out she was going to be very angry. "Well, he should come take you back then," said Arthur. "Before you get sucked deeper into this bullshit."

"Uh...he's dead."

"Oh, shit," Arthur's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, Mate, I didn't mean-"

"No, it's okay," Merlin smiled. "He was sick, he's better off now."

"If it helps you any, my mum's dead too?" offered Arthur. He looked over his shoulder, in the direction Uther's laugh could be heard. "Died of a broken heart, more than anything."

"That's awful..." Merlin trailed off and looked down at his soapy hands. He had just been holding a dirty plate this whole time and finally, he started to wash it. He missed his dad very much, he thought, as he cleaned the plates, he tried not to think about the last year and how, toward the end, his father really was suffering. Merlin wished more than anything, well he wished for a lot of things...that this hadn't happened, he wished his dad was still here, but above all, that there had been something he could do to help his dad just.. _.feel better_ , in the end.

"Hey," said Arthur, softly, still next to him. Merlin looked over, blinking a tear or two away. He didn't like to think like that, there was nothing he could have done, it just hurt sometimes. "Why don't you let me help you?"

"Uh..." Merlin shrugged. "Sure?"

Arthur smiled and and looked around. Setting down his beer, he picked up a towel instead and began to dry dishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I was supposed to have this chapter up last night, but I was too angry at Star Wars. (And no, I am not kidding. I had just watched Rise Of Skywalker for the first time and I was feeling things.) So, instead I ended up writing an essay about why the writers suck and how I dislike them. But anyways....I hope you enjoy, we get to meet Arthur this chapter and he's pretty cool, am I right?!)


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Merlin sat alone, eating his cereal, that was until Hunith came in and sat down a plate of eggs, bacon and toast, on the opposite side of the table, and then ran out and came back seconds later with a plate exactly the same as that, but much bigger, and one that just had toast on it.

"Move," she told him, he had been sitting at the head of the table. He normally sat there when he was alone, as he didn't really care about where anyone sat. He didn't have to wonder why she wanted him to move long, as Uther and Arthur walked into the kitchen, talking to each other about something. Uther without looking, or wondering why Merlin was standing in the middle of the room with a bowl of cereal in hand, just sat down in front of the fullest plate, which just so happened to be at the head of the table. Arthur sat down next to him. Hunith looked between them like she was desperate for them to talk to her. Merlin sat down at the other end of the table and continued to eat as if he hadn't been bothered. He wondered why his mother wanted to be liked by Arthur so much, maybe she figured Arthur had some sort of pull over Uther, she had already figured out Morgana did not and, honestly, barely spoke to her. Merlin assumed Morgana wanted it that way too.

"So, Arthur," said Uther, after shoving his face as fast as lightening for a whole minute and a half. "How's Mithan?"

Arthur paused his chewing, looked up and rolled his eyes at Uther. "Fine..."

"The last time I spoke to her father, he said she was very upset with you," said Uther, looking judgmental at his son. "What had you done to the poor girl this time?"

"Oh, _that_..." Arthur shrugged, smirking as he took a piece of bacon in his hand and bit a chunk off. "It's probably because I fucked her brother. Her dad left out that bit, though, huh?"

Hunith get out a gasp, and Uther shouted. "Arthur!" He looked over to Hunith with an ashamed look. "Arthur loves his little jokes..."

"Who said I was joking?" Arthur raised an eyebrow. He seemed quite pleased that he was making both of them uncomfortable. "Before my dear dad dies of embarrassment, I'm bisexual."

"Oh..." Hunith blushed, as if she wasn't sure what to say to that. "Well...I'm not judging, I...I accept everyone, no matter what they believe."

Merlin found that to be rather untrue, but he didn't say anything, not at all, he was going to stay way out of this. In fact, he was going to stay so out of this, that he was looking forward to going to school for once. He got up and headed for the sink, but as he did this, Arthur seemed to actually notice he was there for the first time.

"Where are you going?" he asked. Merlin literally almost passed out from shock of being noticed.

"To school?"

"Kids still do that these days?" he stood up, not bothering to take his plate. "I'll drive you."

Merlin had to stop and stare at Arthur, because, was he crazy? "No...no thank you," said Merlin, and with that walked around the corner, to the sink. But apparently this conversation wasn't over, because Arthur followed him. Merlin tried to ignore him, as he washed out his bowl, but it was a little hard, because Arthur was staring at him.

"How do you normally get to school?"

"I walk," said Merlin, still trying not to look over. It was weird, they had only just met, why did Arthur want to drive him to school? Merlin made the mistake though, of looking over at him and noticed the look on his face. Driving Merlin to school was just a way to get him out of the house, and Merlin supposed he can understand that. He caved. "Okay...fine, I mean it's better than walking."

Arthur looked grateful, as he pulled keys from his pocket. Merlin didn't really understand it though, because Arthur was an adult, he could just leave if he wanted to, right? He wondered this, as he walked into the hall and grabbed his bag. He supposed maybe the excuse was all he really needed though. They walked outside and Merlin half expected him to say forget it and just walk instead, their parents had already heard him say he would drive Merlin, that was all he needed, really. But he didn't. And there was the off chance that maybe he just wanted to get to know Merlin, they were on the right track to being family, at least step family anyway. And since Merlin had never had any step family, he didn't really know how they treated each other. But Arthur was grown, a young adult, he wouldn't really have to be involved in Uther and Hunith's marriage, so why did he really care? Maybe he didn't...

They reached a red, convertible car, Merlin had never seen in the driveway before and Arthur hit the button to unlock the door. It was only two doors and looked a bit like a race car. Privilege, that's what this car oozed of. Merlin got in and had nowhere to put his bag, so he left it on his lap and waited for Arthur to get in the car. In the meantime, he looked around at the car's black, leather interior. Arthur got in, started the car and looked over at Merlin, before pulling out.

"This was an eighteenth birthday present," Arthur explained, Merlin looked over, back at him, and frowned. That seemed like a big gift just for a birthday. "My father likes to show love by buying your feelings. Course you love him after he gives you this."

"Right..." Merlin nodded, he couldn't imagine getting a car like this, he couldn't even drive. He assumed though, that Uther's generosity was not stretched passed the Pendragon name. Merlin would not get a car like this on _his_ birthday.

"Do you know how much ass I get with this car?" said Arthur, as he drove down the street. True to form, the car drove like it was a racer. Merlin didn't look over at that statement, because honestly he couldn't be bothered to know anything about that. "I just drive up and I got everyone's attention, man or woman. I got in the pants of one of my professors 'cause of this car."

"Isn't that against the rules?" offered Merlin. He didn't really like this car ride conversation. Arthur shrugged, as he turned to the left. It struck Merlin, he had never told Arthur which way to go, but then again, Arthur had lived there his whole life, so he probably knew where the school was.

"It isn't if you don't get caught." Yep, Merlin didn't like this conversation at all. He wasn't like how Uther had said, true, but the way he was maybe wasn't any better either. Merlin was getting pretty boy vibes, and maybe that was worse than a bully. Maybe not, bullies were pretty bad, probably much worse, but sleeping your way through life wasn't great either.

"Does it bother you that I'm bi?" asked Arthur, he must have assumed this is what was bothering Merlin and making him quiet. But no, Merlin was always quiet. "I know it bothers my dad, but honestly, I'm glad it does." Merlin looked over and Arthur looked genuinely upset. "But I'm not going to grope you or something, you don't have to be freaked out around me."

"I'm not freaked out," said Merlin, honestly. "I don't care what you are."

"That's what your mum said too, but I know she was lying," said Arthur, questioningly.

"I'm not lying..."

"My dad will never accept me, he doesn't even pretend that he does," said Arthur, and Merlin didn't look away. Even though Arthur said he didn't care, Merlin could tell it bothered him a lot. "That's why he pushes me to be with Mith so much...Mith is my ex girlfriend."

"The girl he was asking about at breakfast?" asked Merlin. Arthur nodded.

"We've been off and on since we were kids, but we're off definitely now, I just haven't told my dad that yet."

"Because you slept with her brother...?"

"Uh...kinda...well, entirely, yes, actually" Arthur blushed, but then grinned right after and Merlin laughed at this. It wasn't funny but the laugh seemed to chill Arthur out a little and he laughed too. "I'm an asshole. I try not to be but it's in my blood, I can't help it."

"I don't think because your blood formed a bunch of assholes that you're necessarily one too," offered Merlin. Arthur smiled at this, as he pulled up to Merlin's school. He stopped along the side of the sidewalk, that lead up to the stairwell.

"You got a lot to learn about Pendragon's, Merlin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: We learn a bit more about Arthur in this chapter, and I'm not going to lie, I will just be honest when I say this. Arthur is my favorite character in this story. And yeah, okay....Arthur is always my favorite character, he's my favorite character in the show. But, especially in this story, for things that happen much, much later on in it, he is my favorite. Very closely followed by Morgana. I hope you enjoyed, and please do give me some feedback!)


	4. Chapter 4

That had to be, without a single doubt, the very worst day of school Merlin had ever had. Apparently everyone had seen Arthur drop Merlin off and he looked too different to be a family member and a step brother was simply unheard of in this school, so needless to say Merlin was called every slandering name against someone gay there might be. It was so bad, that even Gwen refused to talk to him. When Merlin got home he didn't want to see anyone, or do anything. He didn't even start on his homework, he never did anymore. A lot of quiet kids like Merlin were smart and always did good on their essays, but Merlin was both dumb and quiet.

After awhile of sitting there in self pity, Merlin felt kind of hungry, having skipped lunch for obvious reasons. He went downstairs and paused there, because he had heard something from the other room. There was the dining room and then next to it was a room just filled with random things, Uther called it the rec room. Merlin didn't want to go in, in case it was Uther having someone over, but if he did, which he did once in awhile, from his work, then he normally did it from the dinning room, which was big enough to have a bar in it, and was currently empty. And Merlin knew this, because you can see it from the second floor. So, being an idiot, Merlin walked down the hall and to that room. He could hear a piano being played. It was creepy, and this house could definitely be haunted if it wanted to be. With that freaky thought, Merlin pushed open the door like an angry cat, just in case he had to fend off a spirit. But no spirit sat there, just Arthur. _Oi_ , well...this was awkward. Arthur stopped playing at once and turned around, looking alarmed.

"Jesus Christ, Merlin, I thought you were a ghost!" shouted Arthur. Merlin laughed.

"I...kinda thought you were one too."

Arthur shook his head. "Oh come on, my playing was not that bad!"

"No, it was good," said Merlin, walking further into the room. "Are you saying ghosts have no talent? Because that's ghostist."

Arthur let out a rather hearty laugh at that and Merlin smiled, at the back of his head, because he had turned back toward the keys now. He never normally said things like that, so he was stuck between finding joy in Arthur laughing and being horrified he even said it. He just kinda stood there now, not sure what to do. Should he leave?

"Sit down," said Arthur, and patted the bench next to him. Merlin did sit, feeling rather awkward about it. He looked down at the black and white keys of the grand piano. "How was school?"

That was a loaded question, that Merlin really didn't know how to answer. "Uh...I don't know because I spent most of it in the loo."

"What the fuck for?" asked Arthur, seeming worried about this. Merlin shook his head. He didn't want to get into it.

"Just...people saying things," he said, softly. "They always say things."

"Tell 'em to fuck off," said Arthur, so harshly that it made Merlin look up at him. "As soon as you stop letting them bother you, the sooner what they say won't matter to you. And honestly, does it really matter what they say?"

"No, it's just...it doesn't stop," frowned Merlin, troubled. "I don't care if they think I'm a f-ahh...well you know. Or if I look like I'm the lost incest child of the Proclaimers, I just...want to be left alone. So I can try not to get kicked out of school for taking the piss out of all my classes. I can't focus when I got all these people in my ear."

"What the fuck, you don't look anything like the Proclaimers..."

"I'm glad that's all you got out of this..." Merlin trailed off and went to stand up, but Arthur stopped him.

"No, I get it, I don't know how to help you with that, but...I'll punch anyone you ask me to," said Arthur, and Merlin could tell he was being honest. "The jail time I don't even mind. I hate bullies. I was bullied fucking senseless in school."

"For what?" asked Merlin. Confused, because Arthur literally had everything, he couldn't possibly be bullied. "You're prefect..."

"Perfect?" Arthur grinned, and then rolled his eyes, as if offended. "I was a fucking nerd in school, I liked musicals...Little Mermaid was my jam! After being a flaming, gay ass in school all day singing Part of Your World out of all the windows like Prince Eric was going to find me, I came home and played World of Warcraft until my eyes bled." Merlin smiled at these words, and Arthur looked offended still. "Don't look at me like that. I know, I'm surprised I'm not more gay too."

"No, liking that stuff doesn't make you gay," said Merlin. It was kind of clear to Merlin now, that Arthur didn't feel as confident in his life choices as he acted. "I just can't see you as a guy who likes The Little Mermaid."

"Are you kidding me?" Arthur put his fingers on the piano again and started playing the main tune of the movie. "I wanted to be Ariel, and Morgana was Ursula..."

"That's mean," giggled Merlin, but he was amazed too, at how good the tune was, that Arthur played. "How'd you learn how to play this?"

"When I was ten my dad forced me to take lessons, I think he did it as a punishment but I enjoyed it, so that backfired. I think it's what got me into liking musicals," said Arthur, as he closed his eyes and muttered the words to Part of Your World. Merlin watched him for a moment. "That, and the piano teacher...damn, she was _spicy_."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Ew."

"I had never met anyone Spanish before that," Arthur changed the tune to something more vibrant and Latin sounding. " _Hola_...course my dad found her spicy too, and thus ruined my first crush." Arthur paused his song and frowned. "When you're rich and own your own company, women tend to flock. I don't even know what they're coming to, it's not like he's attractive...He's probably into some Christine Grey level shit." Merlin made a face at that. "I don't find Christian Grey's attractive, so I don't get it. Now, Tom Hiddleston... _damn!_ But being a pervy bastard who likes to hit people... _eh._ "

Merlin wondered how this has gone so far from The Little Mermaid and bullying, to this. But he also realized this was one of the first times in a long time, where he had actually had a real conversation with someone, and had forgotten about bullying, or his mother, or just a lot of things. "Can I...can you show me?" Merlin asked, timidly now. He hadn't never really given playing an instrument much thought, but Arthur did it so beautifully, maybe this could be the one thing Merlin would be good at.

"Sure, I'll show you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: List of Song's Arthur played. 1. Part Of Your World, obviously. 2. La Bamba)


	5. Chapter 5

They spent the whole afternoon playing the piano, Merlin had even learned how to play a tune. It was nice. By dinner time, Merlin was starving, as he still hadn't eaten. They ate in the kitchen tonight, instead of the dinning room. The celebration of Arthur being there was clearly over now. They all sat at the table, Uther, of course having to be at the head. Merlin wondered who decided that was the proper thing to do. The head of the house _has_ to sit at the head of the table, it's stupid. Merlin chomped on broccoli as Morgana walked in and looked quite pained that she was there. She sat on the other side of Merlin. Clearly one of the parents had forced her to be there. She didn't put anything on her plate.

They all ate, except Morgana, for a few moments in silence, before Uther spoke. "I don't suppose we should delay it any longer," he said, as he looked over at Hunith and then to Arthur. "Hunith and I would like to talk to you about something rather important, Arthur."

Arthur looked up from his plate and looked pretty alarmed between them. Hunith spoke up, placing her hand over top of Uthers. "Nothing bad, it's very good..."

Uther nodded at these words. "Yes...Hunith and I want to have a baby."

Arthur paused, setting down his fork and pulling a face. "You're sixty-three...?"

"Well, yes, but Hunith is only thirty-eight, she is more than capable," said Uther, trying to down-play his age, Merlin had never actually known his age, he didn't realize he was that old. He actually looked pretty good for his age. "But as you know, I had that vasectomy, and the reversal didn't work..."

"Which leads us to this problem, Arthur," said Hunith. Arthur didn't seem to know where this was going exactly. Neither did Merlin, and he tried to just keep eating his broccoli, but his eyes kept traveling back to the conversation in front of him. It was okay though, because Morgana was plainly watching without hesitation.

"You can adopt?" offered Arthur, who looked just as confused as Merlin, as to why they were talking about this now, or why it was really that important.

"No," Uther shook his head. "It has to be a proper Pendragon...which, leaves one option..." he looked over to Hunith again and smiled at her, before turning back to Arthur and looking stern. "We need Pendragon sperm..."

Oh great, there was that word again. Merlin just loved hearing that word. Arthur however, didn't seem to care about the word itself, he was now looking shocked and then disgusted and then, pretty angry. "And what?" he demanded. "Who do you think is giving you that?!"

Uther's stern look seemed to falter a little, but then came back. "We were going to ask you..."

Arthur suddenly pushed back from the table and his chair scrapped across the hard, wood floor. "Oh, hell no!" he retorted. "Are you insane?!"

"Arthur, it is our wish to have a baby," said Hunith, looking very hurt now, that Arthur reacted in this way.

"I don't give a damn," said Arthur, very plainly, and without remorse. "I'm twenty fucking years old and you want me to ruin my life with a kid?!" He turned to his father and glared at him. "Are you fucking insane?" he asked again. Uther was starting to look angry now, too.

"It wouldn't be your child, it would be mine," said Uther. Arthur stood up.

"My sperm, my child!" He shouted, as if his father didn't seem to understand this, and apparently Uther did not. Merlin looked between all three of them, with shock. He looked over at Morgana and she too looked shocked, her mouth hung open and her eyes bugged out of her head. "You would seriously just expect me to hand over my sperm, let you have my baby and then treat it like what? A fucking sibling?!" When neither of them answered and just looked up at Arthur, he threw his hands in the air, turned around and stormed out. "Fuck you!" He made sure to yell, as he slammed what possibly, might have been the front door.

"Well...that went better than I thought," said Uther, in a joking voice. He was actually joking? Merlin didn't know he knew how to do that. Hunith began to cry, very large, and very fake tears. Uther put a straight face back on and patted her on the back. He looked up at the other two in the room. "Leave."

"But we're eating," said Merlin, without thinking. He was really hungry, after all. Uther looked like he might throw something in Merlin's face.

"Eat later," he said, darkly. Morgana stood up first, pulling Merlin up with her and pulled him out of the room by his arm. Merlin had froze in terror, momentarily. By the time the two had reached the stairs Morgana was laughing.

"They fucking asked him for his sperm..." she bent over, laughing. "They're so entitled...holy-" She stood straight again, rubbing an eye and smirking, wickedly. "Arthur was so furious!"

"I know," said Merlin, but instead of looking pleased like Morgana, he was worried. "I hope he's okay..."

"He's probably gone off to find a bong," said Morgana, sighing. "He needs to chill way out after this."

Morgana went upstairs after sharing those insightful words, but Merlin didn't. He was worried, obviously Arthur storming out was a normal occurrence, because neither Morgana or Uther seemed concerned. Merlin walked outside and over to the driveway. Arthur's car was there, had he walked somewhere? He noticed the latch on the gate, to the back garden was unlocked and so he walked that way. He pushed the door open quietly, Arthur might not want to talk right now, and if he did Merlin wasn't sure what to say to make him feel better.

There he was though, sitting on the grass, in the middle of the lawn. Merlin walked up behind him. He just stood there. Arthur looked behind him, he let out a sigh, apparently happy it wasn't Uther or Hunith. "I'm sorry you had to see that..."

"I mean...it's not your fault, you should be mad," said Merlin and Arthur shook his head, putting his face in his hands. Merlin didn't know what else to do, so he he sat on the grass, next to him. "...it's kinda gross." Arthur let out a huff of a laugh and fiddled with his fingers together, clearly he was still frustrated. "They've been talking about having a baby for awhile."

"I don't care," said Arthur. "They can't have mine. If your mum really wanted a kid she shouldn't be marrying someone so old."

"She doesn't" admitted Merlin, he knew he shouldn't be saying this, but it sort of spilled out anyway. "She just wants to trap him, she tried the same thing with my dad. She got pregnant with me and...tried to force him to marry her."

Arthur shook his head. "Fuck that shit..."

There was a loud sound behind them suddenly and Merlin jumped up. Uther was coming out of the back door, he walked down the steps from the back porch and down the path toward them. Merlin took several steps away.

"Arthur!" demanded Uther. "Hunith is in there sobbing her eyes out because of you, we will talk about this now, and come to an agreement!"

"I'm not giving you my child, so..." Arthur shrugged, Uther growled. Literally, like a dog. Merlin started walking toward the door.

"I will pay you, money...everyone has a price,"said Uther, Arthur shook his head again.

"You can't buy me off this time, I'm sorry."

"After everything I have done for you, the University I got you into, you will betray me like this?"

"Oh, I didn't know you being my father meant I owed you something!" shouted Arthur. He started to walk away but Uther reached out and grabbed his arm. Arthur turned back, looking, if possible, more scary than Uther did. Merlin stood there, by the porch, just watching in shock. "Let me go, don't make me get physical!"

"It was _your_ mother who made me get the vasectomy!"

"Because _YOU_ were a cheating bastard!" Arthur literally screamed that, and pushed Uther away from him. Uther stumbled back, but caught himself before falling. "Don't you dare try to blame that on me! I don't give a single fuck!"

"Lower your voice!" boomed Uther, being just as load as Arthur was. But Arthur did not.

"You seriously thought, in your demented mind, that I would agree to this?!" he continued to shout. "That I would just give up my child?!"

"IT'S NOT YOUR CHILD!"

"Tell me this!" seethed Arthur. "In ten years, when you're dead as fuck, because you're old as shit, who the fuck get's my kid? Because I'm certainly not leaving it with this green card hungry bitch!"

Uther seemed to realize, or at least momentarily care that Merlin was there, because he looked over at him in horror, before looking back at Arthur and screamed, "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! WE ARE IN LOVE!"

"BULLSHIT!" retorted Arthur, in the same loud voice. Uther seemed to finally have lost it, entirely, and he his right arm jerked back quickly and his fist landed, harshly, upon Arthur's face. Arthur fell to the ground from the force of the punch, but before Merlin could even flinch, Arthur was on his feet again and charging Uther, tackling him and pinned him to the ground, attacking him now. Merin wanted to help, but he wasn't sure what he could do, he was literally watching a father and son punch each other over sperm. Uther punched Arthur in the face for the second time and Arthur fell back. They both stumbled to their feet and looked ready to kill, at any given moment.

"You wanna marry someone half your age...again!" breathed Arthur. His bottom lip was cut and bleeding. Uther looked fine, no marks, other than his nose was bleeding. Merlin still stood frozen. "And then ask for my sperm like it's a fucking glass of milk, what kind of Kardashian bullshit am I living in right now?"

Arthur turned around at this and walked off, back toward the front of the house, through the gate. Uther watched after him for a moment or two, before growling, and walking back toward the back door, passing Merlin as he went. He sent him a deadly look, one that probably meant he better not tell Hunith about this, Merlin had no intention to.

"Welcome to the family," said Uther, coldly, as he passed him and slammed the door, as he went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Honestly, this was what the whole original idea for this story was based on, this is why I started writing this story in the first place, because honestly, the idea of them asking Arthur for his sperm makes me laugh so much it's crazy. And then the fight scene kinda just happened, but it rings true from what Uther had told Merlin, and plays a bigger role in what happens much later. I honestly just wanted to write about the most dysfunctional family possible and I feel like I did that.)


	6. Chapter 6

_It's Friday_ , Merlin thought, as he woke up that day, that meant two days off of school, just as long as he got through this one, that is. The first thing Merlin did when he got up, was check his phone. He had texted his friend Will, trying to explain that his life was insane now and that he watched his mother's future husband get into a fist fight with his son the previous night, but apparently Will just really couldn't care less, as he didn't reply. Maybe he was still asleep...

Merlin sighed, heading out of the room, toward the bathroom. But as he was doing this, he heard shouting from the stairs and suddenly, like Merlin was spectating a race, Arthur zoomed passed him, and right behind him was Uther. Merlin just wanted to go to the bathroom, why did he have witness round two? He hadn't seen Arthur since he had disappeared from the back garden the night before, and neither had Uther, by the looks of it. Not to mention, Arthur was wearing the same clothes as the night before. He had obviously gone somewhere, but that wasn't what was on Uther's mind.

"Where do you think _you're_ going?" demanded Uther. They were standing right in front of the bathroom door. Arthur paused, turned back and jerked his hand toward a door to a room Merlin had never been in. He supposed that was his room.

"To my room!"

"This is my house, you have nothing here if not for me!" Uther reminded, Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I'll just leave then," he said, deadly calm. Uther put his hands on his hips and raised his eyebrows.

"Then the cell phone, the credit cards, the _car._...stays with me." Arthur, without hesitation pulled his wallet, keys and cell phone out of his pockets and threw everything onto the ground. " _Oh, yes_...you're really showing me now!"

Arthur took a few steps toward his room and then stopped and turned back. "You just don't like that neither of us respect you," he said. Merlin made an educated guess that _the two of us_ were him and Morgana, and he was correct in thinking so, as Arthur then mentioned her, "I'm really surprised you didn't ask Morgana, maybe she would like to carry your incest baby."

Uther scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Perhaps I'll ask her!"

Arthur suddenly became angry again. "Don't you _dare!_ " And then he calmed down and shrugged. It was a real roller coaster living with these people. "You know what? Go ahead, I wanna watch as she laughs and dances on your grave."

"Look, Arthur," said Uther, calmly. Maybe he was tired of fighting with his son. "It's not as if I want a child, I've had my share. It's enough she comes with baggage that forces my sentence longer..." Merlin had to feel a little offended about that. "It's Hunith who wants a child and what kind of man am I, that I cannot give her one?"

"An old one?" offered Arthur, but he was grinning now. Uther let out a bark of laughter.

"I don't know, I took you down last night."

"Oh, please...I was going easy on you, old man," retorted Arthur, with mirth. Uther shook his head and took several steps toward Arthur, placing a hand on his shoulder, with a loud _slap_.

"Will you just make a deal with me?" Offered Uther, but didn't give Arthur time to answer yes or no. "I will tell Hunith you agreed to think about it, after we have been married a year, that way we give, her plenty of time to forget about this whole foolish idea."

"Fine," agreed Arthur, pretty quickly. "But even in a year, I'm still not saying yes."

"We will deal with that when we come to it," said Uther and then seemed to have enough of this conversation and waked off, toward his master bedroom. Arthur picked up is things from the floor and disappeared behind his own door. Merlin stood there for another few seconds longer, before turning around and walking down the hall and toward the stairs.

Morgana's room was the first door once you got on the landing from the stairs. He knocked on the door and within a few seconds, Morgana pulled the door open. She was already in her private school's uniform. Which was a dark blue dress shirt, a white skirt and white tie. She had her dark hair in a high ponytail and it framed her face quite nicely. Merlin, once again, realized she was actually quite beautiful, he had of course noticed this before, he just never seemed to really care. But it was just more apparent when she wasn't in her usual black dress or black top and skinny jeans. The blue brought out her green eyes, and of course the brighter makeup she used on school days.

"What is it, Merlin?" she asked. He didn't normally come to her room in the morning, or at all, ever. He walked inside and she shut the door behind him.

"Uther and Arthur were arguing in the hall just now," he said. And to be truthful, he didn't really know why he came to report this to her. He supposed he just had questions, because he never did this with his father, he had loved his father more than anything.

"Oh, did anyone die?" she asked, excitedly. Merlin looked at her and she giggled.

"No..."

"Too bad," she frowned and walked over to her dresser and picked up her purse.

"I think they made up," said Merlin, watching as she looked through her bag for something. "I just don't...I guess I just wonder if they do this a lot?"

She looked up, as she pulled a red lipstick out of her bag.

"Yes, and no...they don't fight as much as me and Uther, if that's what you're asking," she told him. As she leaned over her mirror and started to apply red to her lips. "He's definitely the favorite. He'll get the most in the will, for sure..."

"I don't like it," said Merlin. meaning the fighting. Morgana stopped what she was doing and looked back at Merlin.

"Because you're a nice person, we're not..." she smacked her lips together and capped her lipstick. "Pendragon's are not good people. Most of them are businessmen and sneaky bastards. I think Uther knows he's raised two idiots in me and Arthur, and we're not going to go into his business, but that doesn't make us any better."

"Arthur seems aright...most of the time," said Merlin, worried, because what had his mother gotten them into? "And you..." Morgana raised her eyebrow. "I like you."

"Because I'm pretty," she rolled her eyes now. "I'm not stupid."

"No...I mean, yes you are pretty, but I...I don't care about that," he stumbled over his words, widening his eyes, he was digging himself a grave right now. Morgana took mercy on him and walked over to him, patting him on the back.

"That's okay, Merlin, calm down," she smiled, looking at him questioningly. "Are you gay?"

"No... Why?"

She laughed at this, never answered his question, and instead ushered them both out of the room. They were going to be late for school at this rate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I don't really like this chapter to be honest, it's more or less filler, so ehh...the next one will be better.)


	7. Chapter 7

"I had sex last night."

Merlin looked up from his lunch of moist carrots and gave Gwen a strange look. She sat down in front of him and bit her lip. "Okay...?"

"With this guy named Val..." she took a deep breath. "It was really good."

"Uh...good?" offered Merlin in return. He really didn't know how to address this, what was he really supposed to say? Yesterday she refused to even talk to him, so why exactly should Merlin sit here now, and listen to her slutty escapades?

"He was really big," she continued to say. Merlin looked back down at his carrots, but he suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. "Lance still has his...hat, this guy doesn't."

"Hat?" questioned Merlin. Now being the virgin Merlin was, he really didn't know what that meant, not that he really wanted to know either.

"You know," Gwen's cheeks turned red, as she leaned forward. "His _foreskin_."

"EW!" Merlin stood up and gathered his things. "I don't wanna know about this!"

"Oh," frowned Gwen. "I...I just thought you cared."

"I do care, but I don't need.. _.details_ ," said Merlin, just standing there. He still wanted to leave, but Gwen was pouting now. He sat back down.

"Okay, fine, I won't give details," she said. Merlin nodded in thanks. "But can I still tell you about it?"

"I guess," Merlin sighed. He spent the rest of lunch and after school, and the walk to Gwen's house, listening as she repeated three times how he had pinned her to his bed and...did stuff, things Merlin wanted not to picture ever again.

When Merlin returned home, at last, there was loud music being played somewhere. Instead of being nosy this time, Merlin just headed for the stairs. Once he got to the second floor the music got louder. He looked over the railing, into the dinning room below him. There, dancing on the table, rather sexily, was Morgana and Arthur was filming her. He continued on to his room, confused. Merlin hadn't ever heard the song before, but it sounded kinda dirty and maybe it was normal to enlist your brother to take videos of you dancing like a hoe, Merlin wouldn't know, because he didn't have any siblings, bu Morgana's words from the morning about how they weren't good people kept playing in his head.

His phone decided now was the best time to buzz and he pulled it out and read the text. _'Wow,'_ that was all Will said, and Merlin paused for a long time. Should he respond to that? How was he supposed to? Did that mean Will wasn't interested or did he want to hear more? Merlin texted back his feelings. That the people in London were weird, _because oh my god, were they!_ But he was just left on read again. He yet again did not do his homework that afternoon, and instead just laid in bed.

Merlin must have fallen asleep because by the time he opened his eyes again it was dark outside and someone was knocking on his door. He got up and opened it to see Arthur there. Merlin just looked up at him.

"I ordered pizza," said Arthur, simply. "My dad and Hunith went out with someone from his work tonight, I didn't feel like cooking."

Merlin nodded, making to come out of the room. Arthur took a step back and walked next to him as they walked down the hall. "I didn't know what kind of pizza you wanted, so I just ordered a bunch."

"I don't really care, I'll eat whatever."

"You seem sad today," said Arthur, as he let Merlin go ahead of him down the stairs. Merlin found that to be a weird thing to say and just shrugged. He wasn't sad, bothered by a lot of things, yes, and maybe he was just being a teenager. "You can talk to me about it, if you want."

"I'm okay," said Merlin. Thy walked into the kitchen and there were several pizza boxes all over the counters. At least five, and Merlin knew they weren't going to eat all of them.

"You know," said Arthur seeming to not let their conversation go. "I'm old now, but I used to be young once...I get it."

"You were nineteen like a week ago," said Morgana, from somewhere. "Shut up!"

Arthur rolled his eyes and walked further into the kitchen, opening pizza boxes. Morgana came in, holding a bottle of wine. "I got the good stuff, and Uther won't even notice."

" _Ooh!_ " Arthur took the bottle out of her hands and read the label. He set in on the counter and then started looking through cupboards for something. Morgana took glass plates and started putting pizza on two of them. Merlin still hadn't moved. She looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"What kind of pizza do you want?" she asked him. "There's just cheese, pepperoni, pineapple and cheese...which is an abomination, it should be thrown out," she continued to list them, even though she looked disgusted now. "There's one with every meat you can think of, literally. That one's Arthur's, and I don't suggest it if you don't want to die of cardiac arrest. There's a white spinach one..."

"Whatever is fine," said Merlin, passively. Arthur came back now, with wine glasses and a cork-screw. He opened the bottle of wine like a pro and stiffed it.

"I have to put that in my mouth, don't put your nose in it!" said Morgana, taking the bottle out of Arthur's hands and shoved a plate of pizza into it instead. Merlin refused wine when offered and only took a few pieces of cheese pizza. It was then Arthur's great idea to go eat in the sitting room and watch a movie, since no one was home to tell them not to. Merlin tagged along in this, only because he was forced. What he really needed to do was go back upstairs and do his homework, even if his heart wasn't really in it.

"What shall we watch?" asked Arthur, as they all sat on the big, red velvet sofa. It was so big it could sit three adults, easily, and the cushions were the size of twin mattresses. Merlin rarely came in here, he never really wanted to watch the telly, that's what he had YouTube for and Uther liked to sit in here at night and watch late night shows, so Merlin figured he ought to stay out. Arthur decided on Star Wars, multiple Star Wars, even with Morgana's protest and request for Harry Potter. After the first movie and having finished her pizza Morgana left, saying she had enough social interaction for one night and needed time to be alone. Merlin stayed even after Arthur put on the sequel.

"I love Han in this movie," said Arthur, looking over to Merlin, who was only half paying attention to the movie and the other half playing with the last piece of pizza he had left, he just shook it and watched it flop up and down. "I love Han in every movie though...I used to wish he was my dad, is that bad?"

Merlin realized Arthur wanted him to reply and he stopped, looking from his floppy pizza to Arthur. "I don't know...I never wished for my dad to be anyone else but who he was." Merlin thought about it more and added, "I didn't even wish for another mum, I was just happy with my dad, the way I was."

Arthur nodded, turning back to the movie. But he had seemed to lose interest in it now. "What was your dad like?"

Merlin sighed, set down his pizza and thought about it for a long time. "He was different than most dads, we told each other everything. I don't think anyone knew me better than he did. Actually, he was the one that told me I had a..." Merlin stopped there, he didn't want to say that. "Uh, nevermind..."

"Had a what?" demanded Arthur. "Come on, don't leave me hanging!"

"Had a crush on this one person," he brushed over these words fast, and then continued. "He told me once he wrote down everything I said from infant-hood 'til like three years old..." Merlin smiled at this thought, to himself. "I thought he was lying, but after he died I had to go through his things and I found it. A lot of it was just _goo_ and like _cheech_ , but I kept it."

Arthur smiled at Merlin. "He sounds like a cool guy."

"He was different like I said, I don't know that you'd had liked him. He was Celtic and liked to live off the land," Merlin continued to explain. "We raised our own farm, goats and chickens...sometimes he forgot to pay the electric bill and it get very cold at night."

"It seems like he wouldn't like me, more like," said Arthur, looking a little hurt at Merlin's words. Merlin hadn't meant it that way.

"No, He was very accepting of everyone, but if he didn't trust you than that was it, no going back."

"Hmm..." hummed Arthur, eyes going back toward the screen but it was obvious he wasn't really watching it anymore. There was suddenly loud bangs of car doors shutting outside and Arthur looked toward the entrance to the sitting room. He rolled his eyes, but didn't make to get up, or hide the pizza plates, or the wine glasses. He really didn't seem to care at all. "So," he continued, like nothing had happened. "You raised your own animals...did you... _eat them_?"

"No," said Merlin quickly, letting his mind run away from the sounds of Hunith and Uther entering the house. "We were vegetarians. He was really serious about it, too. Wouldn't even give me baby food that had meat in it..."

"Merlin, I've seen you eat meat though?" questioned Arthur, and Merlin frowned.

"Once he died and we moved to London, mum made me stop."

"She made you stop being something you were your whole life...?"

"Well, it was the first time I met Uther and he took us to this fancy place, and I didn't like anything on the menu, because it was mostly steaks and chicken, and he got mad," explained Merlin, to which Arthur scowled. "So, she told me off and told me I had to stop."

"Merlin," said Arthur, seriously. "Don't let anyone tell you what to be or who to be. Especially not them."

"I mean, she didn't really give me a choice."

"She doesn't have a choice, it's your choice," complained Arthur. "Jesus Christ..."

Merlin sat quiet now, as Arthur shut off the movie. "Are you mad at me? Because..." He found that a bit rude, it had nothing to do with Arthur, in all honestly, so he shouldn't be mad.

"I'm not mad at you, fuck...I'm just," he shook his head. "My dad tried that same shit with me, when he found out I was bi. People don't get to choose what the fuck you are," said Arthur, rather loudly. "Only you do, and it just pisses me off, that's all."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be..."

Merlin knew Arthur was right, but it was just hard, as the only alternative was being thrown out of your house, or hotel room, at the time, with no other family to go to. He didn't want to dwell on it though, he didn't want to upset Arthur anymore, either. "On the bright side, Shepard's pie is _really_ good!" Arthur nodded and let out a bark of laughter, before getting up and taking the trash from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I just want to say, that Gwen is literally someone I know, I base her off of a friend of mine. Like, we've had that actual conversation at the start of this chapter. Pretty much word for word. I would describe these friends as self absorbed over sharers, they just don't get that you DON'T want to hear about this stuff, so yeah...Gwen's character in this might be hugely OOC, but she's coming from a very real place. And Morgana was just making a TikTok....we all know how that is.)


	8. Chapter 8

It was almost December, and only today, with only weeks until Christmas left, Uther had finally hired someone to come and decorate the house. Yes, the Pendragon's didn't even decorate their own house for holidays, they were so rich they had someone hired to do it. Except for the Christmas tree, they did decorate that, according to Morgana, anyway. That part was insane to Merlin, but what was even more crazy was he supposed it wasn't normal to decorate for Christmas the day after Halloween, like he and his dad used to do.

While the team decorated the house everyone stayed clear of the main living areas, like the kitchen, the sitting room, the main hallway, and dinning room. Uther was at work, so he was out of the way. Hunith was out sitting by the indoor pool, Morgana was...off doing Morgana things, and that left Merlin and Arthur in the rec room. Arthur was trying to teach Merlin to play piano, but Merlin just didn't seem to be able to get it. He was angry with himself, because he really did want to learn.

"Don't get frustrated," said Arthur, as Merlin went to stand up, he paused and looked at Arthur. "I'll show you a trick my teacher showed me. When you're feeling frustrated or uninspired, hit the keys." Merlin frowned at him and didn't do anything. "Go on, do it." Merlin slammed his hands down on the black and white keys and nothing but a lot of noise came out, no inspiration. "Do it again..."

So, Merlin did, but the same thing happened. "See, Arthur, I just-"

"Wait," said Arthur and hit the keys in the same spot Merlin just had. It made a boom sound. Merlin's eyes narrowed at Arthur's hands, as he did it again. "Bah du-du-du-du-dum...Da du-du-du-du-dum..." he started to play a melody that Merlin recognized. It was some Celine Dion song, and Arthur played it like he was in her band, and played it nightly. But Merlin couldn't be mad at him for it, it was absolutely beautiful sounding. The way Arthur's eyes fluttered shut and his body moved with every note that his fingers played. It was entrancing, it felt like the music was inside of him, not just all around him and Merlin couldn't help but smile, all frustrations from a second ago gone.

Merlin's heart felt like it had stopped when Arthur had stopped playing, and it took Merlin a second to realize Arthur was now staring back at him, judging. "See, I can never do that..." he said, as he took his eyes from Arthur and looked around the room instead.

"Yes you can, I've been playing piano for ten years," said Arthur. "I was just as shite as you when I first started."

"You think I'm shite?!" demanded Merlin.

"Well...yeah, but that's okay!" said Arthur. "Just keep trying."

Merlin did listen, and kept trying for the rest of the afternoon, but it really didn't feel like he was getting anywhere, though Arthur swore to him he saw improvements. Merlin just thought he was being nice and didn't really see anything. By the time they had left the rec room the Pendragon house was a winter wonderland. Fake snow was on all ledges, pretend snowmen were sledding in the hallway, a huge... _huge_ decorated tree was in the dinning room and a undecorated one was awaiting them in the sitting room. They were waiting for Uther to get home before they decorated it though.

"Thank heaven you stopped playing that thing," said Merlin's Mother, as Merlin walked into the kitchen. She was there cooking dinner. "Aren't your fingers going to fall off?"

Merlin shrugged, but didn't answer her. That just proved his point further, that he sucked and Arthur was just being nice. Merlin grabbed a bottle of water and left the room. He found Arthur and Morgana in the sitting room, he definitely wasn't going to stay in the kitchen. The two were now going through a very large, red box. Pulling out different shaped ornaments and then putting them back.

"Oh, look, it's Leo," said Arthur, rummaging in the very bottom of the box. Morgana had taken to sitting on the sofa now, sipping a tea cup full of something, next to Merlin, who sat down for lack of anything better to do. Arthur pulled out a circle ornament, which doubled as a picture frame and inside it was a very large, gold dog. "He was such a good boy, remember him, Morgana?"

"Not really," said Morgana, sipping on her drink and using her long sweater sleeves to hold it, as it was hot. Arthur frowned and set the ornament aside.

"He died the same year mum did, so you probably really wouldn't, you were too young."

"He probably thought the only normal person is gone, so he peaced out," said Morgana. Merlin thought that was a little mean to say, but Arthur laughed.

"Oh, for sure."

"I wish Uther would let us have a pet," said Morgana, sighing. She glanced over at Merlin. "Have you ever had a dog?"

"No..." Merlin shook his head.

"You had a whole farm, Merlin, but you didn't have a dog?" asked Arthur, as he continued to lean over the box and look inside. Which meant, he wasn't looking at them. Nor, could he see Merlin shrug.

"We really didn't live on a farm, we had a back garden that we kept chickens and goats in...sometimes the goats got into the house, and we let them. They're kinda like dogs."

"I want a goat..." Morgana trailed off.

Uther came home soon after that, and they were all called in the kitchen for dinner. Hunith looked a little tired from cooking and Uther looked stressed from work, but Morgana didn't seem to care. "Uther, can I get a goat?"

"No," retorted Uther, looking over at her, strangely.

"Can we get a dog then?" offered Arthur. Uther glared at both of his children."Merlin's never had a dog before. He'll take care of it while I'm at school."

"I would," said Merlin, in agreement, though, he had not been asked this beforehand. A cute, little puppy would be nice, all the same.

"Merlin isn't responsible enough to take care of a dog," said Hunith. Merlin looked over at her, confused, as did Arthur, he noticed.

"I think he'd be fine," said Arthur, but Uther injected himself back into the conversation.

"No dogs...or goats, end of discussion."

After dinner Arthur, Morgana and Uther went ahead into the sitting room to start decorating the tree and Merlin went to follow but Hunith held him back to help her with the dishes. "It's not your tree to decorate, let them have their time."

Merlin supposed she was right, but he didn't have a tree to decorate anymore, he didn't even have the ornaments he and his father would make. A new one every year, this would be the first year they would not. This idea suddenly made him very sad, and he was almost thankful for his mother not letting him go help decorate, because he hardly wanted to cry in front of the family. He felt the tears burn his eyes, as he tried helplessly to blink them away, carrying the plates and leaving them in the sink and then went and got the cutlery and did the same, all while his mother put away the left overs.

It was at this point, as Merlin turned on the tap and got things soapy, that Uther came in and looked at the pair of them. "Are you not going to help us decorate?" He almost seemed offended, and Merlin didn't look right at him, half because he was scary and the other half because his eyes were red from tears, the likes his mother still hadn't noticed.

"Oh," said Hunith, dropping the thing of foil she was holding. "I'm coming right now, Merlin...finish the dishes, thank you..."

And with that she rushed out with Uther, leaving Merlin to clean all by himself. Which was fine... _it was fine,_ maybe not all the way fine, but he didn't really care right now. Her disregard for him only made him miss his father more. Full sized tears welled in his eyes and he couldn't stop them from coming out. He had soapy hands now, so he couldn't wipe them away.

Plates were being cleaned but Merlin couldn't remember washing them. He was unseeing, he was trying to remember what every homemade ornament looked like, as they most likely were thrown in the trash and he would never see them again. The first one was a picture of a sonogram of him, his father had a frame made out of of a tree branch Hunith had stopped on while visiting him, he made it before Merlin was even born. The next was Merlin's very small hand print. The next year was the first time Merlin had made his own, and the first year they both made their own, his father had made his out of poppy-sticks and shaped it like a little man he called _Mini Merlin_ and Merlin had glued two sticks together that kinda looked like a T...

A tear ran down Merlin's face and fell into the dish water, as he struggled to remember what the next two looked like, He wished he had taken a picture of all of them. He was so distracted by this, so distracted by his thoughts and tears, he hadn't noticed someone walking in.

"Merlin, why the hell are you crying?" asked Arthur and Merlin jerked his head up. There was no denying it. Though, he would try.

"I'm not...I just splashed my face."

"Seriously," said Arthur, clearly and obviously, not believing it. "What happened? Why are you not decorating the tree with us?"

So, Merlin, really, had very little choice but to tell him the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: List of Songs Arthur Played. 1. It's All Coming Back To me Now. Back when I wrote this, like a month ago at this point, I was really into watching people play the piano on Youtube, like it's very beautiful to me and if you're bored I do suggest it, it's very relaxing. And yes...I am writing about Christmas in the middle of May, well...it was April when I wrote this, but hey...we all need a little Christmas cheer these days, I think. Though, there was very little cheer in this part. Also, P.S. I didn't get the chance to proof the last two chapters as good as I like, as I've been in a hurry to post them the last two times, so forgive any errors for now and I'll go back through them later.)


	9. Chapter 9

"Lance is coming back for Christmas," said Gwen, urgently, the moment she saw Merlin that morning in school. Merlin didn't know what she was so worried about, if she loved him like she said then she should be happy. "I have a date the night he arrives."

"Cancel it!" said Merlin, quickly. He couldn't understand Gwen, he wanted to say girls but Morgana didn't act like this. He knew there were other girls like Gwen out there, but it just seemed dumb, if you love someone, you stay true to them. She said Lance did the same thing at his Uni though, so maybe she had a point, maybe it was her way of coping. But it was a lousy way of getting through something, at the very least.

"But I've wanted to meet up with this guy for weeks!" she complained. Merlin just rolled his eyes and walked into one of the classrooms, Gwen followed. It wasn't even her class, but she obviously wanted help, and Merlin just couldn't give it, if she rejected it because it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Cancel it," he said again. She growled and crossed her arms.

"I know I should, but..."

Merlin didn't want to talk about this anymore, because he found it stupid and he had never met this Lance, didn't even know what he looked like, but he felt like he was being wrongly cheated on and heavily used. If she wanted to sleep around, because she was young and _blah, blah, blah,_ like she normally goes on about, then she needed to break up with him.

"Well, excuse me, I need to learn now, so..."

Gwen left with a huff and a dirty look in Merlin's direction, but he didn't care, he knew she would be back, and quite honestly, if she wasn't...he didn't really care either, she only ever talked about herself. Even when asking Merlin a question about himself, she somehow brought it back to her. Every single time.

It was coming up on winter break soon, and apparently all the teachers at Merlin's school thought it would be great to wait until now to give the worst coursework imaginable. Merlin didn't understand why he needed to know half of this stuff, but even so, he was feeling pretty stressed about learning it all and completing his homework. He went home and started on it right away. He just hoped, suddenly, he would get a lot smarter, so he could get through it a lot quicker. He really needed to think of a profession that didn't require schooling at all.

There was a knock at the door, just as Merlin had started pulling at his hair, and biting his pencil in frustration. He, apparently, didn't get up and open the door fast enough, because they knocked again and Merlin started complaining, figuring it was his mother or worse, Uther. "Just a damn second," he said, frustration at an all time high, as he wrenched open the door, cheeks red with annoyance. He was just really struggling right now. Arthur stood there, calmly, and when Merlin opened the door, Arthur's lips formed a small smile.

"Come here."

"What?" questioned Merlin. Because he didn't know what that meant, well he did, _come here_ is pretty simple to understand, what he didn't understand was why or to where. "Where...?"

"To the dinning room," said Arthur, simply, and then turned around and walked down the hall. "I have something for you."

"Is it a puppy?" asked Merlin, following now, and shutting his door behind him. He deserved a break from school work, he thought.

"No," said Arthur, but that was all. Merlin peered over the edge of the banister, as he reached the stairs, and looked down into the dining room. All he saw was an empty room, but on the table was craft paper, glue and string. He didn't really follow what was happening, but continued to follow Arthur down stairs and into the dinning room. Merlin still didn't get it when entering the room seconds later and Arthur stared at him. "We're making ornaments!" he explained and Merlin's mouth dropped open. He supposed his head had been so frazzled with school he wasn't thinking clearly. "Morgana will be down in a sec, she went to get something...I don't know what."

But Merlin didn't care about what Morgana was getting, he felt rather touched Arthur would do this for him. He had been very understanding the night before, as Merlin cried continuously. "Arthur," he said, sheepishly. "You didn't have to-"

"Shut up," retorted Arthur. "It was your family tradition, and now you're part of ours, so...it'll be ours too." Merlin just stood there, looking at Arthur for a very long moment. "Jesus, don't start crying again, please. I'll glue your tear ducts."

Merlin bit his lip and looked down, feeling a little ashamed. "Sorry."

" _Hello gays_!" Morganna suddenly shouted, as she walked into the room right behind them. She had glitter in her one hand and a box of sharpies in the other. "Are you ready to get dazzling?!"

Arthur started laughing and headed over to the table. "Fuck yeah, I am!"

Two hours later the three of them had completed what they thought were the very best ornaments anyone had ever seen. they had all waited until they were all done, so they could show each other at the same time. Only once, during this time, did Hunith come in and demanded they clean up their mess right away, and when ignored, she called them children and walked out, other then that, they were left completely to their messes. _And what was wrong with being children?_ Merlin thought, they were having fun and, finally, Merlin felt like he belonged somewhere since his father had died. That, was reflected in his ornament.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" asked Arthur, as he put his red marker down and looked at the other two. He paused on Merlin. "Merlin," and Merlin felt a little worried, he didn't want to go first, his was going to be more touchy-feely than theirs and if they found him weird, if he went last, he could then at least run away at that point. "You have marker on your face!"

Arthur and Morgana both laughed as he rubbed and rubbed his cheek, but it didn't come off. "Okay...I'll go first," said Morgana, after a few seconds of laughing. She held up a black heart, on a black string and gleamed at it. "This is my heart, it's black...as you all probably already know," she explained, pointing to the middle, to what looked like a lock. "And this is the lock, with no key, because I don't give my heart to just any old bitch..."

"Yeah, you need a lock smith, I reckon," retorted Arthur. He then held up his own ornament and it looked like a dinosaur, or maybe a dragon. "This is a dragon, he's wearing a red footie jersey, because red's my favorite color, I like dragons and I like footie, so it makes sense."

"That's gross," said Morgana, rolling her eyes at Arthur's dragon and picked up her black heart again. "Mine's definitely better. Right, Merlin?"

"Uh..." Merlin didn't know how to answer that. He thought Arthur's was cute and Morgana's was kinda sad.

"Let's see yours then," said Arthur, obviously not wanting Merlin to answer. Merlin picked his up and showed it off. It was a black piano, on a string.

"It's a piano," Merlin stated the obvious. "But instead of the letters on the key bored being the alphabet, they spell out our names, see." He pointed to Arthur's first, because he was the oldest, and then Morgana and then his. He might have had to add a few more keys than needed to spell out their names. But, he still thought it looked good. Arthur grinned at him and Morgana threw her hands in the air.

"Dammit, I just wanted to win!" she shouted. "But _nooo_ , Merlin, you just _have_ to be sweet!"

"You weren't going to win anyways," said Arthur, throwing a bit of paper at her. "Yours was creepy, as usual."

"It was beautiful and artistic!"

"Yeah, If you were Gerard Way...maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I am laughing, because this just feels like such a long time ago to me, disclaimer...I am almost done writing this story, it will be abut 30/32 chapters, I'll figure it out tonight, the exact number. Since the last time I posted (which was just a few days,) to now I have really like cranked out chapters for this. It's just so much happens and...so much changes from like this point, to the point where I am now, it's like tripping me out right now and I am just so excited for you all to read it!!)


	10. Chapter 10

Uther was hosting a Christmas party, he did this every year, says Morgana. But even so, Merlin really didn't feel comfortable walking around in the brown, thick, turtle neck Uther wanted him to wear. He had Arthur wear a red one and it didn't seem to bother him, Morgana, though, was forced to wear a red dress and she at least looked annoyed about it, too. Why he got to choose what they wore for a party was really confusing to Merlin.

"Why can't I pick out my own outfit?" he had asked, as his mother shoved the shirt into his hands.

"So you don't look like a mess," she replied, trying to leave quickly. She had to go get ready, too. Uther had even picked out her outfit, she was to wear a long, green dress that matched the tie he wore with his suit. He had been dressed since early that morning. Merlin noticed he was the only one in brown and felt a little weird about it. Once he finished getting dressed, he walked downstairs to find Arthur and Uther arguing about moving the piano into the dinning room.

"What are you doing?" he asked, pausing at the door. Just as Arthur was calling Uther a _dictator_. Uther chose to ignore that comment and looked over at Merlin.

"Oh, good, Merlin" he said, walking over to him and leaving Arthur alone. "Let's have a look at you. Well...it was supposed to be gold, but the brown doesn't look too bad."

"Gold, like for the new golden child," said Morgana, walking into the room. Merlin frowned at this, because he hardly thought so, he was just going to continue being a disappointment like always. He was comfortable with that.

"Well, frankly I'm pleased. I've been doing it for years, I'm tired," said Arthur. "It's about time I got to retire."

Morgana flipped him off and walked back out of the room. "Enough talking," said Uther. "Merlin, can you help him move this piano?" But he didn't wait for an answer and just walked out. "Excuse me... _no_ , that arrangement will _not_ go there!" he chose to yell instead, at the floral decorators he had hired, along with the culinary team. apparently Hunith's cooking would not do for the night.

"Why does he want this in there?" asked Merlin, as he began to pull on the piano and Arthur pushed.

"Because he likes to show off, and now all his little, rich, friends like to hear me play," said Arthur, pushing once, rather hard, and the carpet it was stuck on gave way and it pinned Merlin to the wall behind them. "Sorry," he said, pulling it off of him, They continued pushing it to the door, now both on the same side. "Watch, not too long into the night he'll suggest we hear some music and he'll ask me to play, like it just occurred to him."

"Really? I just planned on eating and then leaving," admitted Merlin. "They can't force me to stay."

"Oh, you're in for a big surprise if you think that," said Arthur. "My dad would take that as a personal offence."

They finally to get the piano into the dinning room, after scratching the floor several times and Arthur nearly kicking a hole in the wall out of frustration. It occurred to Merlin, though, once they had finished, someone was going to have to move it back...

Well before the party started, Uther had called everyone out into the back garden, the first real snow of the year had started that morning and it was very cold. He was having one of the floral people take pictures of them, as if she didn't have anything better to do. She looked rather annoyed about this, too. Though, Uther didn't seem to notice or care. He had them all stand in several different postilions. One being that both Merlin and Arthur would get down on one knee next to Uther and Hunith, and sitting on the ground between them, was Morgana. Everyone, except Hunith and Uther, seemed to really hate that one.

But before long the party had started, and honestly, it was exactly like Merlin expected. A bunch of old people in suits and hat's sitting around pretending to like each other and making small talk. It was very dull. And, just as Arthur had said, not too long after dinner Uther suggested they listen to some music to _'get into the holiday spirit.'_ It was then promptly suggested that Arthur play a song. Which, he didn't say no to. He headed over to the piano, being polite and gracious and well mannered. Unlike Morgana, who sat in her chair, on her phone. Everyone got up, except Morgana, and started walking over to watch Arthur.

"You know, Uther," said one of the old ladies in hat. Uther paused, plastered a fake smile on his face and nodded to her to continue. "If your boy doesn't make it in Footie, he does have quite the way with the keys." Uther made a little _'Mhm'_ noise and quickly walked away, clearly not liking that idea at all. "And he's completely marvelous to look at. Tthose muscles...he can come teach me a thing or two any time."

" _Margarette!_ " whisper-yelled another old lady in a hat and slapped her on the arm.

"He's of age now, I'm just saying what's on everyone's mind..."

Merlin inhaled so hard at these words, behind them, that he started chocking and they both looked back and glared. He quickly walked away, trying to get a good view. Because he always did enjoy when Arthur played, it was a lot better than him, and quite nice to watch. Arthur had sat down by now and started playing slowly, a random tune first, to warm up and then he started playing a Christmas song. Everyone watched and bobbed along, it was a catchy tune, not a traditional Christmas song. By the time it ended, Morgana was standing next to Merlin, watching. Arthur started another song, that wasn't Christmas-y, but Merlin recognized it right way. It was an eighties song, and Arthur clearly chose it because he was entertaining a bunch of old people. Not that eighties songs weren't great, the song Merlin was attempting to learn was an eighties song, also his dad's favorite. By the end of that song, everyone in the room were dancing. Minus Uther, though he did bob his head along.

"Now, I think Merlin should join me to play the next one." Merlin completely froze, and when Arthur turned toward him, he shook his head viciously. "Oh, come on!" said Arthur, Merlin continued to shake his head no, Arthur sighed and frowned. "Fine...change of plans. This was Merlin's father's favorite song. He died not long ago and Merlin has been learning to play it in his memory. But he's afraid of embarrassing himself, so..."

The crowed probably really couldn't careless, but a few of them _awed_ , and then Arthur started playing the song, and everyone seemed to forget what the song was for and started dancing along. Not wanting to let Arthur have all the fun, Merlin supposed, Morgana started singing the song as he played it half way through and that seemed to really get the old people going. Soon, though, and after Arthur played another song, everyone wanted tea and cake, so they took their seats at the table once more, getting coffee and tea from the servers Uther had hired.

Arthur, Morgana and Merlin did not join them, they stayed by the piano.

"You could've done it, you know?" said Arthur, glaring at Merlin, who frowned.

"I'm not good like you."

"Yet...not good like me, _yet_!"

"Everyone look at my phone," announced Morgana and both boys looked over, and she snapped a picture of the three of them together, Merlin stuck between the pair of them. "This is going on my Instagram."

"Oh, come on, Morgana!" complained Arthur. "I was making a dumb face."

"Aren't you always?" retorted Morgana. But Merlin wasn't listening to them anymore. He felt a little sad he hadn't played the piano with Arthur, maybe people wouldn't think he was such a joke, or something to stare at because his mother was marrying Uther. But in the same breath, Merlin wasn't about to embarrass himself in front of all these people. Uther would probably never let him live it down. So, no, although he wished he could prove himself, he was happy just staying in the shadows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: The list of songs Arthur played 1. All I Want For Christmas Is You, 2. Dancing Queen, 3. (Merlin's dad's song.) Total Eclipse Of The Heart, 4. Take On Me. Honestly, rereading this it was like the most boring chapter to me, I was like why...why did a write this? But we'll call it a filler and just move on, maybe I'll update again sooner than normal, too. That way it makes up for it. In other news, I have officially finished writing this story, it's 32 parts and tonight I am going to start working on the sequel, because spoiler alert...there will be a sequel. Enjoy! P.S. I feel like this is horribly edited and I'll need to go back through and fix it, don't have time now....but I want to get this out.)


	11. Chapter 11

It was finally Christmas morning, Merlin woke up early, even though he really didn't need to, he wasn't a child anymore, it wasn't as if he thought Santa had come for him. He wasn't even sure his mother or Uther had gotten him anything. This didn't stop him from getting up though, he still did. He showered and got dressed, as slow as he could to waste time, and then headed down the stairs. Both trees had been left on over night, the one in the dinning room and the sitting room. Merlin made sure to avoid the sitting room, just in case, he didn't want to look eager. He went into the kitchen and got a few cookies, because nine in the morning was the perfect time to start eating sweets. Not too long after Merlin poured himself a glass of milk and shoved his face full, Uther came down, walking into the kitchen with a raised eyebrow.

"Where are the other two?" he asked, Merlin shrugged. How was he supposed to know? He had been here, happily ruining his health with a chocolate chip cookie. Uther nodded. "I will go find them, wait in the sitting room."

Uther turned around and walked back out. Merlin hoped he didn't think he was waiting for them to get up, because he wasn't. Okay, maybe he was a little bit, but he would deny it. He finished his glass of milk and washed the cup, before heading into the sitting room. There was a mountain of gifts, big and small. Merlin sat down on the sofa and waited, twenty minutes later Uther returned, he was still wearing a robe, as he had been when Merlin saw him the first time and he fell into one of the big, burgundy, arm chairs, yawning. Arthur came down moments later, but he was dressed, unlike Uther. He sat down next to Merlin.

"She still won't come down?" asked Arthur, in his father's direction. The man shook his head and closed his eyes.

"She says it's a commercialized holiday and she doesn't want to take part in it," explained Uther. "So, I told her I would take her to Church, so can she celebrate the true meaning and she screamed in my face..."

"I do wonder sometimes..." said Arthur, with a roll of the eye. "If she was dropped on the head at some point."

"I didn't have her all the time, so perhaps."

Hunith joined them soon after this, wearing a long purple, slink, robe. "A gift from your father," she told Arthur, who nodded, with a grin, and sent Uther a wink. Uther blushed and leaned forward to suddenly exam his shoes. "Shall we begin? Where's Morgana?"

"Don't ask," said Uther.

"I'll get her," said Arthur, he got up and then went back up stairs, five minutes later Arthur returned with Morgana. "She was putting on makeup," he glared over at her.

"If I have to be subjected to ' _family time_ ,' I at least want to look good..."

Merlin was pleased to know at least Hunith and Uther had both gotten him a gift. Sure, it was just clothes and school supplies, but he accepted that. It made him feel less bad about the dull gifts he had gotten them. He had gotten his mother a kitchen pot and Uther a red tie, because red seemed to be both Uther and Arthur's favorite colors. Now, for Morgana and Arthur, their gifts were a little bit better. Merlin had spent most of his money on buying Morgana a makeup pallet she told him she really wanted and was left with less of a budget for Arthur's gift, but it was still good. At least he thought so, until it was much later in the opening gifts process and Arthur dropped a giant box on Merlin's lap.

"I got you this," said Arthur, excited. His blue eyes stared down at Merlin for a very long time, waiting for him to open it. But Merlin froze, because he was having a crises. What could be in this box that it needed to be so big? And how was his tiny gift going to match up to it? "Open it!" insisted Arthur, giving up and taking a seat now. "It's not wrapped that nicely. Come on!"

Merlin heaved a deep breath, because he was nervous suddenly, and started taking the green and red paper off the box. Soon, he was just left with brown box and a mess of paper around him. Well, actually the whole room was a mess of paper, but that was to be expected. Arthur still watched him, eagerly. He pushed the lid off the box and let out a rather large gasp. Arthur's eyes grew wider as he watched and Merlin's grew wider in shock, as he puled out a large brown and tan guitar, that had some sort of black smudge at the bottom of it, Merlin hadn't really looked at that yet. He was in awe, in complete shock, why would Arthur get him this? It was lovely, and very cool looking, but he had barely learned to play just one song on the piano, did Arthur expect him to learn the guitar too?

"That looks very expensive, Arthur," said Hunith, kindly, but still sounding a little off-put.

" _Yes_ , it does," said Uther, entirely off-put.

"My mate, Gwaine, found this online," said Arthur, completely ignoring the other two, and only talking to Merlin, as he hadn't taken his eyes off of him or the guitar since he had given him the gift. "It cost a lot, yeah, and I'm not sure it's totally legit, the guy seemed a bit shady, but it was supposed to be signed by Paul McCartney, his names on the bottom. Even if it's not really him, still his name is Paul, so...I give you the gift of Paul."

Merlin realized he hadn't spoken this whole time still, he was running gentle fingers over the strings and a little twang of noise came out. "Wow," he muttered. He felt like his gift was completely worthless now. There was no way Arthur would like it.

"Arthur, it's a lovely gift, but I'm afraid it's just going to sit," said Hunith, frowning at her son, who still stared at the guitar in shock. "He's never going to learn to play it."

"I think he will," said Arthur, giving Hunith a glare, and looked over at Merlin again. "I don't know how to play guitar, I thought since we can't continue the piano lessons, you can try this while I'm gone."

_Gone_ , back to University is what he meant, he was supposed to leave in a few weeks, as the winter break was almost over. "I will," he said. Because he just didn't want his mother to be right. The gift giving party was pretty much done after that, Morgana said she didn't get anyone gifts, as it was stupid and she didn't believe in buying peoples love, before she took the makeup pallet Merlin had gotten her and disappeared upstairs with it. Hunith and Uther had gone off into the kitchen, so he could help her cook a turkey, as she had never done so before, and that left Arthur and Merlin in the sitting room. Merlin still had his guitar on his lap and Arthur didn't seem to question why Merlin had never given him a gift. Merlin didn't suppose he would either, if the shoe was on the other foot, though...he would wonder why, and Arthur probably did.

"Oh, look, there's one gift left," said Arthur, as he stood up and walked over to the tree. Merlin sat up, quick, because that was probably his gift to him, and he didn't want Arthur to laugh at it, or worse, be mad because it sucked.

"It's probably Morgana's, you know...because it's commercializing or something..."

"It says to me," said Arthur, with a laugh, as he threw himself back into the sofa. "From you."

Merlin blushed heavily, as Arthur tore the paper off the box and stared down at what was before him. It was awful, it was just really shite. He knew this, but he hadn't had very much money left over and it was all he could afford. Arthur probably wouldn't understand that, as he just spent so much money on Merlin's gift, it was just bad tact, _horrible_. Merlin wanted to dive into a hole and never come out.

Arthur opened the lid to the little wooden box and the tiny figures of Ariel and Eric in a boat, and Sebastian the crab all popped out, as Part Of Your World starting playing. Merlin felt the shame pour over him. Wow, what a lame gift, what did Merlin think he was buying for, a four year old? Arthur would surely hate it.

"Listen, I know it sucks," Merlin started, feeling nervous sweat forming all over his body. "I just saw it and I thought of you and...and I liked the wood, it was red and manly looking, so none of your Uni friends would know it was a music box, you could say you keep something important in there. It was just supposed to be a joke."

"I love it, Merlin," said Arthur, smiling up from the box and shutting it, only to reopen it and the song play again. Merlin sat up a little on the sofa and stared at Arthur, feeling as if he was definitely lying.

"You don't have to say that," said Merlin, seriously. "I know it sucks. It was just hard to find something for a guy who already has everything..."

"I don't have everything..." said Arthur, with a grin, giving Merlin a slight shove in the arm. "I have most things, maybe...but I would've never thought of this. I like thoughtful gifts, that's what makes it special."

"So..." Merlin trailed off, hoping that Arthur really wasn't lying. "You really don't hate it?"

"NO!" yelled Arthur, "God damn..." but then he laughed at him. "Calm down, alright? I'm not that big of an asshole, you know."


	12. Chapter 12

Christmas had come and went, as did the New Year. The surprising thing was, that Merlin's birthday was the Second of January and no one but him seemed to know this. Only a few days before, as they all sat for dinner did he mention it, in passing, and everyone seemed entirely shocked. Including his own mother, who literally gave birth to him on that day. He couldn't blame the other's, he hadn't met them until late this last year. How were they to know? But he thought his mother should at least remember. So, as he woke up on the day, he wasn't expecting much, it was his sixteen birthday, most people expected a car, or a big party, Merlin would just be pleased if they had remembered to make him a cake. He still had to go to school, this was the first day back after Christmas break, and he was actually thankful for that, so then he wouldn't have to sit around and feel depressed. Not only did no one know it was his birthday, but also, this would b the first one without his father. He supposed he had to just get through it, just get through all of the firsts, so there didn't have to be another one. Merlin dressed and walked down stairs, he was running late as he spent too much time thinking in the shower, rather than cleaning. He walked into the kitchen, purely intending to make himself a bowl of cereal and rush out of the door, when someone shouted and scared him.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" yelled Morgana, holding up a blue and purple cake. Two of Merlin's favorite colors. There were two big candles in the middle, a One and a Six. Merlin smiled at her, at a loss of words and he honestly felt a little teary eyed, but he blinked it away and walked around the comer to get a better look at the cake. "Arthur and I stayed up all night making this cake, so you better like it."

The cake itself looked tie-dyed, with blues and purples and a little bit of white. "It looks great," said Merlin. He wished he could eat it now, but he was going to be late for school. Morgana wasn't dressed in her uniform, as her school's break wasn't over yet, she wore black pajama bottoms and a sports bra, not that Merlin cared.

"Morgana, I just got the call and-" Arthur walked in and stopped. "Oh shit, he's already down here."

"And he loves the cake," said Morgana, eyeing Merlin. "Right...?"

"Yeah!"

"Right, well," said Arthur. "Let's go, I'll drop you off at school and then I gotta run an errand."

"To get the thing?" asked Morgana, smiling, which was very rare for her. Merlin felt a little alarmed by it.

"Yep," retorted Arthur and beckoned Merlin to follow him. He did.

"What are you going to get?" asked Merlin, as they walked outside and he suddenly realized he had forgotten to eat. He sighed, getting into Arthur's two-seater. He would just have to wait for lunch. Arthur got into the car and started it, not looking over at Merlin. It seemed like he didn't want to answer. "Arthur...?"

"To buy you a birthday present," said Arthur, with a smirk, before backing out of the drive way. "Apparently, your mum doesn't think you need a gift as you already got some for Christmas, and I told her, _'woman, this is your son, what the fuck is wrong with you?'_ I'm like, _'this is his **sixteenth** birthday,'_ Jesus Christ." Arthur took a deep breath and turned left at one of the roads, without stopping at the sign. "Oh well, me and Morgana got this."

"That's alright, you don't have to," said Merlin, he felt bad, not only because his mother just had no care in the world for him, but also because it shouldn't be up to Arthur and Morgana, two people he had just barely met, to be doing anything for his birthday.

"Merlin, shut up," said Arthur, very seriously, and Merlin frowned at him. "You should be pissed at her, why aren't you?"

"Because I just don't really care, you know..." he trailed off. "She is how she is, I never got one birthday card before this, she didn't even remember the date, which means she never has. And I know I'm not that important to her, so I'm not going to be upset about it."

"Merlin, do you realize how fucking awful that sounds?" asked Arthur, Merlin shrugged. "I hate parents, it's why I never plan on becoming one."

"You'd be a much better parent than that...I mean, I barely know you and you've-" Merlin stopped talking, because he didn't want to appear to be a little bitch, and he was starting to act like it. "I mean, I am just thankful you and Morgana aren't horrible is all, like I figured."

"I want to clarify that Morgana is completely horrible, just wait for her to get mad at you," said Arthur, but it was clear he was trying to lighten the mood, and he was doing it the only way he knew how. Merlin didn't say anything else the whole ride to school, which was only another few minutes. "Bye, Merlin!" called Arthur, out of the window, as he walked up the stone steps to the school, Merlin waved back and he only prayed that none of the bullies saw that.

The praying must have helped a little bit, because for the most part it had been a quiet first day. At lunch, Merlin was literally starving, he got his lunch and sat at the usual table, by himself, in the far back corner. He happily ate whatever kind of strew it was, which was not very good. And on his phone, looked up easy songs to learn to play on the guitar.

"Hello, Merlin!" shouted Gwen, as she ran through the lunch room to get to his table, she threw herself in the seat across from him, as she always did and smiled heavily at him. "How was your holiday?"

"It was good..." Merlin was kind of taken aback she had asked him that, she never normally asked about him like that. "Arthur actually got me a-"

"That's great," she said, quickly, cutting him off. Merlin knew it was too good to be true. "I had an alright one myself, except me and Lance almost broke up on Christmas."

"What?" he asked, only semi interested. "Why?

"He gave me a promise ring, said we would both wear it and be true to each other until we can get married," she explained, looking a little teary eyed as she did so. "Which obviously means he doesn't trust me, so I got ferrous."

"I don't think-"

But she continued on, without stopping to listen to him. "I told him that if he thinks he can't trust me than we shouldn't be together." Merlin found this ironic, because Lance really couldn't trust her, her vagina was like a train station. "It's a control thing, that's all it is, I won't be controlled."

"Maybe he was worried you didn't trust him?" offered Merlin, as she finally quieted down. She glared at these words.

"No, he thinks I do," she commented. "But I'm not stupid, I know he sleeps around."

"Why don't you try to be honest with him?" Merlin asked, and she didn't say anything, staring down at the ring she wore on her right hand, she always wore her engagement ring, which was actually just a ring with a butterfly on it and didn't look like an actual engagement ring at all, on her left hand, unless she was going to meet a guy, then she took it off. "What's that?" he pointed to her right hand.

"It's the ring he got me, I mean it _is_ cute..." she trailed off and Merlin rolled his eyes. Merlin quickly finished his lunch after that, not wanting to talk about this with her anymore and headed on his way to his next set of classes. Merlin ran out of school at the end of the day, so fast, not because he necessarily wanted to go home, but because he didn't want Gwen to find him and ask him to walk her home like she always did. He didn't want to hear anymore about Lance and the promise ring.

Merlin got home a little earlier than normal, to find Morgana passing the door with a bowl full of bread. "Merlin!" she said, happily, which was bizarre for her, and it didn't even sound fake. "Come into the dinning room."

He followed her down the hall and into the room to find streamers in blue and purple and a happy birthday sign hung up against the windows. Uther was sitting there, at the head of the table, having, secretly or not so secretly stolen what looked like a deviled egg and was eating it quickly.

"UTHER!" yelled Morgana when she noticed this and he shrugged, not phased by this.

"Ah, Merlin," he said, after swallowing a few times. "Come, sit, the kids and Hunith have been cooking all day." Merlin was surprised to hear his mother was involved in this. "They made all your favorites," he continued. But Merlin doubted that, because Hunith didn't know what his favorites were. Point made, he hated deviled eggs. Merlin sat down next to Uther and the man smiled at him. "Now, don't tell your mother, but there's a tradition in the Pendragon family that on a boys sixteenth birthday he's gifted a watch, and your mother doesn't seem to think gifts are in order for your birthday and I don't know how you've lived with her this long that way," said Uther, clearly trying to rationalize whatever he was doing against his future wife. "But it's not so much a gift as a thing you need to become a man, so..."

He pulled a small, blue gift bag from under the table and handed it to Merlin. Merlin took out the box inside and opened it, to find a silver watch. It was quite nice and expensive looking, it was silver but the inner workings were black, it was quite sharp. And honestly, Merlin was really shocked.

"Thank you, this is really nice," he said, not sure what else to say. He wasn't expecting this from Uther at all. Maybe this was what Arthur had to go get earlier? He didn't know, but he put on the watch after Uther set the time for him and he found it was honestly very comfortable.

"Don't tell your mother," said Uther again, seemingly trying to really push the thought into Merlin's brain and he nodded. Sure, he wouldn't tell her, she probably would get mad that Uther hadn't spent the money on her anyway. Soon Hunith, Arthur and Morgana all came in with more trays of food and they sat down. Arthur sat next to Merlin and noted the watch at once and smirked up at his father, who acted like he didn't notice and ate his spoonful of peas.

Merlin honestly couldn't be happier, he didn't and wouldn't expect anything else, maybe this wasn't like the celebration his dad would have given him, but it was nice and new and maybe next year his mother would actually want to give him a gift. He hoped at least a happy birthday, at the very least. She was being very quiet now, not speaking, even as Morgana and Arthur talked everyone's ears off. After dinner and after they sang Happy Birthday to Merlin and ate cake, Arthur stood up suddenly.

" I have a gift for Merlin," he said, plainly, and than dashed out of the room. He ran upstairs and everyone watched as he went. "Stay there, I'll be but a moment!" He ran out of sight down the hall and everyone sort of just paused and waited. He was only gone a minute and gingerly walked down the stairs with a rather large box.

Merlin felt his face go red, Arthur needed to stop giving him things in large boxes, dinner and a cake, and Uther's gift was enough, he didn't need anything else. Arthur came back in and set the box on the floor.

"Uh, Merlin...you might want to come over here, it's a bit wonky."

Merlin stood up, feeling a little sick in his belly, both from food and the worry of what this was. Arthur stood next to the box and grinned wickedly at Merlin, as he got on his knees next to it and started pulling at the brown lid. The lid popped off instantly, as clearly Arthur didn't put it on very tight and Merlin gasped, yet again, at a gift Arthur had gotten him. Sitting in the box, which was quite large, on a pink towel was a tiny dog.

Morgana squealed, as she clearly hadn't seen it until now and Uther stood up and swore openly. "No way, hell no... _NO_!"

"It's alright, Dad," said Arthur, as he watched the dog. It jumped out and landed on Merlin's legs. It was probably the cutest dog Merlin had ever seen. But Merlin didn't reach out and pet it, because he knew Uther wasn't going to let them keep it. He had already said no dogs.

"Leave it to Arthur to always have to out do himself," said Morgana, as she got on the ground next to Merlin and patted the puppy on the head. He or she, Merlin had no idea, wattled over to Morgana and started licking her hand.

"I said no dogs, Arthur, why must you never listen?" asked Uther.

"Listen, Merlin will take care of it," said Arthur. Hunith got up and joined Uther, both of them glaring down at the dog.

"And what happens when he's at school?" she asked. "Who will take care of it then?"

"I don't know," admitted Arthur. "But look at him, he's so cute!" Arthur leaned down and picked up the dog, shoving the puppy into Uther's face, the puppy licked Uther's nose and it was like watching a man slowly break into pieces.

"Fine, he can stay...but the moment anything goes amiss!" he shouted, and then rushed out of the room. Hunith watched after him and sighed heavily.

"Arthur, you're a sweet boy, but Merlin is not capable of taking care of himself, let alone a pet."

"I took care of chickens and goats, even a baby cow once..." Merlin trailed off, looking up at his mother with a glare. "I take care of myself just fine and I'll do the same with the dog, on my own!"

Hunith shot Merlin a very dirty look and then walked out as well and Merlin, happily took the dog from Arthur and petted it's thick, golden brown fur. "It's a Pomeranian," said Arthur, as he reached over and scratched it's ears. "He was _a lot_ , so don't tell dad he's a pure breed."

Morgana stood up from the floor and gave the puppy googly eyes. "What are you going to name him?"

Merlin paused, because he did suppose that was his choice, and he really hadn't thought about it until right now. "Dragoon," he said simply, and both Arthur and Morgana stared at him strangely.

"I thought his name should be Percy, he looks like he likes the fine things in life," said Morgana, Merlin shook his head.

"No...I like Dragoon."


	13. Chapter 13

Merlin walked into his room, having just come home from school, he threw his bag aside and fell into his bed. The house was quiet, it had been very quiet since Arthur had left the other day. Merlin had no energy, he had been up too late the night before, his friend Will had finally decided to text him and not actually leave him on read for once. Of course he did, in the end anyway, but also, he had less that great news, that since Merlin had left Ireland, Will had gotten a girlfriend. Not just any girl either, no, the crazy one at Merlin's old school, her name was Freya, she literally never wore shoes and always had dirt under her nails. Merlin wasn't really ever the one to judge people, but Will himself used to go on about her being weird, yet now...he was dating her? Merlin sighed, he hated people, he really did.

There was a knock on Merlin's door, and he looked up, confused, because who could want him for something? He mostly just wanted to be left alone, but he got up and pulled open the door. Morgana stood there. Her makeup was really done up, more so than usual, and her hair was slicked back against her head. Dragoon was wagging his tail behind her, as she had gotten home from school first and had him with her. Merlin did have a thought, that maybe she was trying to steal his dog, slowly, but he tried to ignore it.

"Do you know how to read sheet music?" she asked him, he stared back at her confused, and she lifted up her tablet and showed him a sheet of music, for piano. He shrugged.

"I mean, not really," he answered. "I could try...?"

"Good, I need you to, right now," she told him and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him from his room and down the hall to the stairs. The dog barked after them and followed, excited. She dragged him all the way to the rec room and pushed him toward the piano.

"What's this about?" he asked, as he sat down. She used her hands to slick her hair back more, as little fly-away's were sticking up now and she adjusted the black dress she was wearing. Merlin looked over the sheet music and stared at it confused, he wasn't sure he could do it, he only knew one song after all.

"I need to prove to a bitch that I am more than just a pretty face and good at makeup, I am talented as shit and she best be scared of me," said Morgana, seriously, and Merlin nodded, not really understanding her reason, but he began to try to play the song anyway. At the very first note, Dragoon made a loud cry of fright and ran out of the room. "Aw, bless him, he thinks you're rubbish!"

"He's probably right," muttered Merlin, continuing on and reading the notes as best he could. "Why didn't you ask Arthur to help you before he left?"

"Because this only just happened today," said Morgana, checking her makeup in her phone camera. "This bitch on Twitter is running her mouth, and she's about to get something she can't handle."

"Right..." Merlin trailed off and started the song over again, it wasn't a very long song, thank god. After another time trying Morgana seemed pleased.

"That's good enough, now I'll start recording...don't worry, you won't be in it."

She pressed play and Merlin started playing the song again. He was actually impressed with himself, he was doing an alright job, not as good as Arthur, but he was decent. It definitely sounded like a song. Morgana sang the words to the song, and although she did sound pretty, she kept running out of breath at the big notes. Arthur had told Merlin Morgana used to take singing lessons, but it was obvious she didn't sing that often. The song ended and Merlin paused.

"Morgana," he said softly, he didn't want to annoy her, but he thought he could help her. "When you sing the big 'who is that girl I see,' bit, sing from down here," he pointed to his own stomach and then chest. "Not from up here, you're losing it too soon and it sounds weaker. You'll have more breath."

"When did you became the all knowing?" snapped Morgana, putting hands on her hips. "I thought it sounded good!"

"It did sound good...I was just trying to help," said Merlin, bashfully. "I was in choir when I was younger."

Morgana frowned and picked up her phone again. "Fine, one more time," she said, and Merlin started playing the song all over again. Morgana listened to Merlin, and really preformed the song this time, whoever was saying stuff about her on Twitter would surely be getting a surprise now. Not that they probably would really care, but whatever made Morgana happy, Merlin supposed.

When she was done, and the song had ended, there was clapping behind them and Merlin snapped back to see who it was. It was only his mother. "Morgana, that was lovely," she said, Morgana blushed, or tried to rather, her face was too pale from all the makeup. "You and Arthur are so talented."

Merlin tried to ignore the fact that Hunith had said absolutely nothing about him playing the song, and he really had thought he had done good. He tried not to let it bother him. They left the room after that, Morgana to go post her video and Merlin to find the dog, who was hiding underneath his bed. Merlin guessed Dragoon wasn't a fan of his playing either. He coaxed him out, only after a half an hour of begging.

Merlin didn't join the family for dinner either, he just wasn't hungry. He had a lot on his mind and he wasn't even sure what exactly it was. He just felt restless and weird and like he wasn't very happy at all. He knew a lot of that was because of Will, but he wanted to ignore that, if he pretended like it wasn't, maybe he would forget about it. Merlin got up, from where he had been cuddling his pup, and walked over to the guitar Arthur had bought him. He just needed something to do. So, first he looked up how to properly tune a guitar and once he figured it was alright, he looked up easy songs to learn. It wasn't that complicated, it was just knowing how to follow a rhythm and when to move your fingers and strum. He hoped it would be easier than learning piano, at the very least.

Two hours in and Merlin could make an acknowledged tune. That was good progress he figured. It was at this point, that his phone buzzed and he frowned. He swore to God himself, if it was Will, he wouldn't answer him. And low and behold, it was. What did he want from him lately? For so long he didn't even bother texting him and now he was going to start again _? No...no way!_

Merlin opened the text anyway. _'Hey,'_ hey...that's all, that was it, what was even the point in that? What was Merlin supposed to say back to this? Hey, he supposed, and that's what he wrote. Maybe Will would leave him on read...

_**Will:**_ _Jus went out with Freya again._

Holy shit...Merlin couldn't quite believe it, this was what he wanted to text Merlin about? As if Merlin cared? No, he didn't, he didn't at all!

_**Merlin:**_ _Good sounds fun._

**_Will:_** _WE sahgged._

_**Merlin:** _ _TMI_

_**Will:**_ _dont be a pansy thot you were a bloke_

Merlin had never once claimed to be a _'bloke,'_ so where Will got this information, was really beyond Merlin, and he just couldn't help it, he couldn't help but to ask. But no, he would make him wait, not wait as long as two months for a message, but at least five minutes. For Merlin to run to the loo, get pajama bottoms on and turn the light out. Getting into bed, he picked his phone back up.

_**Merlin:** I thought you said she was weird? Do you even really like her?_

Merlin waited, and then waited more, he thought he was going to be left on read again, or at least delivered, but just as Merlin had given up and his belly couldn't stand the waiting game any longer, Will replied.

_**Will:**_ _ppl change_

Merlin sighed, because he supposed that was true, whether Will or the girl, or maybe even Merlin had changed in these last months, who was to really say? Merlin wasn't there anymore anyway, so he supposed as long as Will was happy that's all that mattered.

_**Merlin:** Well I'm happy for you._

And of course that, _that_ was what he was left on read for. No thank you, no how are you? Just nothing, and maybe Merlin could accept that, the nothing, the nothing he was to Will. He thought, as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep...but he couldn't, he couldn't sleep and he couldn't accept it. He just couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: All of the misspellings in Will's texts are intentional...I just thought I needed to clarify that, just in case. But yeah, I don't like this chapter much, it could be because I have a headache, but it felt like it didn't flow, and also it's informative for an arch that is taking place, ending, the Will arch, even though it's really only been in passing, it's important for what happens next, but also...this is low key a filler chapter, and I never like fillers, but I hope you enjoyed anyway!) (PS: Also, I only went through this once...because I have a headache, but I want to get it out tonight, so ignore or let me know of any errors.)


	14. Chapter 14

Merlin woke up the next morning in the worst mood ever. He didn't want to get up, he didn't want to go to school, he just wanted to lay in bed and never do anything again, because what was the point anyway? What was the point of anything? No one cared about him, or liked him, so why would it matter if Merlin just...stayed here? He petted the dog, who he knew preferred Morgana, even the dog didn't like him that much. Maybe Merlin was just very hate-able , in that case, he hated everyone back. He picked up his phone off the dresser and looked at it, of course no text back from Will, _of course not_. He opened his text messages and looked at all the names there, a lot of these texts were from a very long time ago. Hell, there was even one from his dad, from the beginning of last year, asking him to buy milk, and somehow...for very obvious reasons, Merlin started feeling even worse.

It was a big chance, Merlin knew, but he pulled up Arthur's number in his phone. Arthur had given it to him after they first met, but Merlin never had any reason to call or text him before. _Hey,_ he texted, feeling a little ironic, because he didn't think that _hey_ was a very good text, but he had nothing else to say. Arthur probably wouldn't even answer him, he had much better things to do than talk to Merlin-

Thirty seconds, Merlin had counted, thirty seconds, and Arthur had replied, it was still in the same minute. Merlin opened the text, quickly.

_**Arthur:** Hey, what's up?_

That was what, Arthur thought something was wrong, _of course._ Merlin was stupid for thinking otherwise. Now he felt even more stupid as he replied.

_**Merlin:** I was seeing how you were._

_**Arthur:** Good, getting my ass kicked daily._

_**Merlin:** Do I want to know why?_

_**Arthur:** Footie, baby! ;p_

_**Merlin:** Right_

Merlin thought there was no way in hell Arthur would reply to a right, so he struggled to get out of the bed, but only manged to get to the door before, from the dresser, his phone buzzed again. Merlin rushed back and looked at the phone.

_**Arthur:** You good? You seem sad._

Merlin sat back down on the bed and Dragoon came and laid down on Merlin's leg. Merlin didn't know how to answer that, because no he wasn't good at all, but should he really tell Arthur that?

_**Merlin:** Eh school and life are not going so good for me right now._

_**Arthur:** Bullies?_

_**Merlin:** yeah but it's just a mix of everything._

_**Arthur:** Skip!_

_**Merlin:** What?_

_**Arthur:** Skip school._

Merlin looked at this text and frowned, because obviously he couldn't do that, his mother would surely notice, wouldn't she? Maybe not, but the school would, definitely. He was about to type this much when Arthur sent him another text.

**_A_ ** _**rthur:** _ _I don't have any classes today, come see me. I'll show you around my Uni._

_**Merlin:** How can I do that?_

_**Arthur:** Get on the train?! Pretend like your going to school,  
_ _but_ _instead of going to school get on a train to here, it's only like an hour and a half ride. I'll have you back there before dinner.  
_ __ **Arthur:** THEY WILL NEVER KNOW

Merlin didn't know why, or how dumb of an idea this really was, but he agreed to it. He got showered quickly, filled Dragoon's food and water and headed out, without seeing anyone or getting breakfast, he was worried he might look up to something. He was bad at lying. Thirty-five minutes after leaving he was sitting on a train heading to Arthur's University. This was incredibly stupid and dangerous. But honestly, he felt much better already, less stressed and weird feeling. He just needed something to clear his head and this, and the fear of being caught, definitely did that. An hour and forty minutes later Merlin was getting off the train, and he was looking around like a tourist. He was a tourist, actually, he's never been most places in England. He walked around the station for several minutes, looking at the signs, and info boards. He was sort of waiting for Arthur, because he never had actually made a plan about where to meet up, was he supposed to get to Arthur's University somehow? Merlin was starting to get nervous now, because he only had money for one more train ride, and that was to get home, what if he had gotten off on the wrong station?

"Merlin!" he heard someone call from behind him and he felt a little jolt in his ribs, as he turned around and there was Arthur, charging toward him. He reached him in seconds and slapped him on the back, in greeting. "You made it!" he said, cheerfully. Merlin really wanted to tell him, he wanted to tell him about Will, and how Merlin just really felt useless lately, but he didn't, because he didn't know if he should. Would Arthur judge him?

He kept quiet instead, as they headed out of the station and toward Arthur's car. They got in the car and before Arthur pulled off, he stopped and looked over at Merlin, eyeing him up and down. "What do you wanna see first?" he asked, Merlin didn't know. He hadn't really cared about seeing his Uni, he had more so just liked the idea of leaving. "The school, the footie field, my flat."

"You have your own flat?" asked Merlin, suddenly, he must have missed that bit, he had just thought Arthur lived in a dorm. "I thought you had a dorm."

"I might call it that, but truth is, when I was getting signed up to come here, is when dearest father found out I was bi, so he didn't want me sharing a room with a guy, and he got me my own flat," Arthur shrugged a shoulder and smirked quite a bit. "Little does he know..."

Merlin bit his lip and looked out of the window, feeling slightly uncomfortable by Arthur's words. "We can go there first," he said. Arthur pulled off, he didn't question Merlin about anything, but he kept glancing over at him from time to time as he drove down the street. The town, from what Merlin could see of it, it looked quite nice, Merlin had never thought of where he would go to Uni, but if the school was anything like the town, Merlin thought it might be nice to go there. Of course by the time Merlin would go to Uni, Arthur would be done, so he wouldn't have him there to hang out with, and obviously, Merlin wasn't very good at making friends on his own.

They reached a parking lot connected to a brown three story building and Arthur parked, turning it off and getting out of the car. The building wasn't anything much, Merlin figured with the Pendragon's, that Arthur lived in a suite at the very top floor of a grand hotel, but it was nothing like that. Just a little kitchen area, a sitting room area, a bathroom and a bed. Merlin was surprised when he waked in, everything but the bathroom, was in one room.

"Nothing amazing, I know," said Arthur, as he shut the door behind them and fell into his red sofa. Pendragon's and red though, that was a thing. Merlin sat in the bean bag chair, next to the sofa. "So I was thinking..." said Arthur, after a moment or two of quiet. Merlin thought he wasn't being a very good guest, Arthur had offered him a trip here for the day and the least Merlin could do was talk, right? But he was finding that hard right now. "What does your name mean exactly?"

Merlin was taken aback by this, that's not at all what he thought Arthur was about to say. "What?" he asked, looking up at Arthur, strangely.

"Well, I looked it up, because it's not very common, is it?" said Arthur, looking a little bashful, but hid that, as he puled out his cell phone and started looking at it. "It either means Sea Hill or Sea Forrest..."

"Well, my dad named me, it's a mix of Welsh and Celtic, and yeah...he grew up in a cottage on a hill by the sea," explained Merlin, Arthur nodded, eyes traveling back from Merlin, to his screen. "Why were you looking this up?"

"Bored, trying not to do homework, you know," Arthur shrugged, and continued to look at his phone. "But I started reading more about people named Merlin, and you know like the one connected to King Arthur? I thought that was kinda weird...you know, because my names Arthur."

"I must have missed that, I thought your name was Jim," said Merlin, in a snotty sort of way. Arthur looked back up and stuck his tongue out at Merlin.

"Oh, come on!" he complained at him, afterward. "It's cool, it's like we're magical."

"I don' think that's what it means," said Merlin, as he got up and sat down next to Arthur on the sofa, so he could look at what he was looking at on his phone. It was the Wikipedia page on _Merlin_. "I think it just means our parents we're weirdos."

"There is actually a lot of cool stuff in here about Merlin," said Arthur, as Merlin took his phone from his hand and started reading it, Arthur didn't protest.

"Geoffrey of Monmouth's _Historia Regum Britanniae_ , written _1136,_ and is based on an amalgamation of previous historical and legendary figures. Geoffrey combined existing stories of Myrddin Wyllt or Merlinus Caledonensis, a North Brythonic prophet and madman with no connection to King Arthur, with tales of the Romano-British war leader Ambrosius Aurelianus to form the composite figure he called **Merlin Ambrosius,** Welsh: _Myrddin Emrys."_

"What's your last name, Merlin?" asked Arthur, suddenly.

"Embers..." Merlin trailed off.

"That's kinda close, I'm freaking out!"

Merlin ignored him and continued reading; "Geoffrey's rendering of the character was immediately popular, especially in Wales Later writers in France and elsewhere expanded the account to produce a fuller image, creating one of the most important figures in the imagination and literature of the Middle Ages. Merlin's traditional biography casts him as a cambion: born of a mortal woman, sired by an incubus...'"

"A incubus?" laughed Arthur. "What the fuck is that?!"

"The none-human from whom he inherits his supernatural powers and abilities," read Merlin, and Arthur leaned closer to look at the phone, to see for himself. "Merlin matures to an ascendant sagehood and engineers the birth of Arthur through magic and intrigue. Later authors have Merlin serve as the king's advisor and mentor until he disappears from the story after having been bewitched and forever sealed or killed by the Lady of the Lake after falling madly in love with her. He is popularly said to be buried in the magical forest of Brocéliande."

"Whoa," said Arthur, seriously. "Engineers the birth of Arthur? Does that make Merlin his father? Because I don't like that at all..."

"I don't know, maybe," shrugged Merlin, handing Arthur back his phone. "If that's true can I start telling you what to do?"

"No..." Arthur trailed off and looked out of the window. "I like to think King Arthur was really cool and definitely really hot."

'So what, he couldn't be my baby?!" retorted Merlin, Arthur looked over and rolled his eyes.

"Holy shit, shut up!"

Merlin laughed. "I'm going to start calling you _Meh Bo_ y from now on, I'm going to change your name to that in my phone."

"Eh...I hate you," said Arthur.

"That's what Uther calls you when you're not around."

"Oh, Jesus Christ," Arthur shook his head. He looked at his phone for a time and sighed. "You wanna meet some of my mates?" he offered then, sitting up some. "Gwaine, he's my best mate, could probably ring him, if you wanted."

"Sure," Merlin shrugged. He was definitely feeling much better now, thankfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: So, I took that Merlin/King Arthur info right from Wikipedia, had a fun time doing it, too, just to see their reactions to it. It has 100% no connection to the actual story at all, I just thought it was funny that Arthur looked this stuff up. Also, I'm really excited to be getting into the meat and cheese of this story, guys. The first 10 chapters were just the wheat bread, my friends! ;D Also, also...because I just can't help myself, apparently, if anything is incorrect with the grammar, just know I am actual trash, but I got distracted by trying to fix the things that I had changed later in the story, like Merlin's last name, I ended up changing it later on, so I had to fix that. Also, also...also? You pronounce it like; EM BERRS like BRR it's cold outside. And EM like EMily. and it means: Spark, burning low . So, very fitting.)


	15. Chapter 15

Twenty minutes after Arthur has texted him, they were off to a local diner to meet Gwaine. Arthur's best friend. Merlin had heard him talk about Gwaine before, a few times, but he didn't know anything about him, not really. They pulled up to the restaurant and got out, and Merlin was starting to feel a little nervous.

"Don't look like that," said Arthur, as he pulled open the door for them, Merlin walked in and Arthur followed in after him, he looked back at Arthur, with a strange look. "The _'I'm going to barf'_ look," Arthur continued, Merlin frowned and didn't say anything. "Gwaine is literally the chilliest person you will ever meet, you don't have to be nervous."

"I'm not," but he was lying and Arthur knew it. He had been looking around before, but seemed to suddenly find who he was looking for. Arthur grabbed Merlin and pulled him over to a table with a long haired, scruffy, man, drinking coffee. Merlin sat down at the table, staring.

It wasn't that the man was ugly, by any means, he has a dark and sort of rough, wild man thing going on. But, it was just he wasn't at all what Merlin expected from Arthur's best friend. He expected someone beautiful, blond and blue eyed, like Arthur. This man kind of looked like a construction worker.

"Arthur!" Said the man, as they sat down and he glanced over at Merlin. Gwaine's eyes traveled over him. "I'll guess this is Merlin then?" He continued. "Thought he'd be shorter..."

"He is kinda tall..." mused Arthur, stroking his chin. Gwaine laughed, extending his hand out to Merlin. He shook it for only a second.

"Nice to meet you, Said Gwaine. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Really?" questioned Merlin, surprised. He didn't think Arthur talked about him, why would he bother to?

"Yeah, you know...like basic stuff," shrugged Gwaine. "Like how you're way better than his last step sibling and how your mum is marrying his dad for papers."

"Gwaine, shut the fuck up!" said Arthur, but Merlin shrugged, because Arthur already knew Merlin thought that, too. So, if he shared this information with Gwaine, he really couldn't care less.

"Probably only way I'd marry Uther, myself," continued Gwaine, with a smirk and then a wink at Arthur. "But I could have me another Pendragon, if I wanted to."

"Oi, really? You're going to start that?" said Arthur, irritability, right as the waitress walked over.

"What can I get you two?"

Arthur ordered something, but Merlin didn't pay attention to what, because he was kind of taken aback. Did Gwaine just suggest that there was something between him and Arthur? Not that Merlin cared...

"I'll have a water," said Merlin, before the woman walked off and Arthur leaned forward to yell whisper at Gwaine, like Merlin couldn't hear him. He could.

"We haven't even gotten our drinks yet and already your running your mouth about that?"

Gwaine looked offended, "I just figured you'd told him."

"Told me what?!" demanded Merlin, if he was going to be treated like he wasn't there, he might as well be at home and with Hunith and Uther.

"That we're fuck buddies..."

"Oh yes, please spread that around!" said Arthur. "Please explain to me why, within the fifty shades of fuck, I would say to anyone, let alone Merlin; _'by the way, it's very important that you know that me and this person have had sex...'_ why the fuck would I need to say that? Why _do_ you...?"

Gwaine shrugged and Merlin wanted to leave, suddenly. "Several times," said Gwaine then. "We've had sex several times..."

"And I regret every single one of them..."

"Thank you, it means I'm doing something right then."

The waitress came back and dropped off a mug of something in front of Arthur and a cup of water for Merlin and a plate of pancakes in front of Gwaine. She then wanted to take Merlin and Arthur's food order, but Merlin found it ridiculously hard to even think about food at this time. He felt uncomfortable and weird and very much like he didn't belong here. He ended up ordering toast and Arthur ordered a burger. She walked off again and everything was quiet for a second.

"Merlin," said Arthur, suddenly, breaking the silence and Merlin cringed, not looking over. "You don't have to feel weird about it, it doesn't mean anything. We really are mates, that's it...for the most part. It's only when we're really fucking pissed or high, we get stupid."

"Yeah," said Gwaine, softer than he had been before. Maybe he was worried he had offended Merlin, he hadn't, not exactly. "We're definitely bros before blows any day."

" _Bros before blows?!"_ demanded Arthur then. "Holy shit...you're a tart!"

They both started to laugh at this point, and Merlin didn't know what to do, because he really was just not in on the joke and it wasn't funny, so he just looked at the packets of sugar for several minutes.

"Well...this is not how I wanted this lunch to go," said Arthur, Gwaine let out another small laugh and shoved his face full of pancake. "I wanted you to meet Gwaine," Arthur continued, looking over at Merlin, who only half looked back, but also kept his eyes down cast. "Because he likes music, too. He plays drums and mixes songs. He's got a computer full of different sounds."

"Oh, yeah," nodded Gwaine. "Arthur's told me you slap on the keys."

"I what?" asked Merlin, this was the first time he had spoken in a long time.

"Play piano good," Said Gwaine, with a grin. "I'd like to hear it some time. Maybe we can play something together."

"Uh...sure," Merlin shrugged, but he very much doubted it would ever happen.

"He liked the guitar I got him," said Arthur, happily. "Have you tried it out yet?"

"I...I have, it's okay so far..." Merlin trailed off, right as their food had arrived. They ate quickly. And before long they were leaving the diner. Arthur was bidding Gwaine goodbye and Merlin walked to the car. He wasn't sure about him. It wasn't that he didn't like him, he was nice, and even a little funny sometimes, he just seemed a bit like a tosser.

Arthur came over and got in the car and started it. He didn't say anything as he started down the street. Which made Merlin assume he was annoyed, maybe he knew Merlin hadn't been that interested in Gwaine. He wasn't sure where they were going, which also lead Merlin to believe he was taking him back to the train station now. Which was fine. If Merlin left now, he could make it back right when school ended.

"I'm taking you to the footie field," said Arthur. Merlin looked over, he wondered why, but didn't ask. They arrived there, very soon after this, within minutes actually. Arthur parked his car. There was no one else around, as there was no game and no training today. "There it is..." he got out of the car and Merlin followed him. "I didn't start last year and I'm going to this year, even if it kills me."

Merlin wasn't going to pretend he understood what that meant and just nodded, as they walked through the chain door, that somehow Arthur had the key for. They walked along the side of the field.

"Is this illegal?" He asked, because he was really not sure they were supposed to be here right now.

"I mean it's probably frowned upon, but no...I'm part of the team, so I can be here," Arthur explained, glancing over at Merlin. "I'm sorry about Gwaine by the way, he has no filter and I'm used to it, so I forget what he's like to someone new..."

"It's okay."

"I mean, he shouldn't have told you that," Arthur continued, kicking a rock with his shoe and looking rather upset. "I just don't want you to think less of me..."

"For what?" asked Merlin. He didn't think less of him, he just didn't want to hear about that, that's all.

"I don't know..." said Arthur, answering the question. "But you just seem down after lunch."

"I'm not, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Well, like what?" asked Arthur and when Merlin made a face,then Arthur shouted. "Just bloody fucking tell me!"

"Okay...okay..." muttered Merlin. "There is just this...this person and I like them...I don't like admitting it though..."

"Is this person a boy or a girl?" asked Arthur.

"Why does it matter?" retorted Merlin, quickly. He really didn't know why it mattered either, or why he just didn't tell him completely, all about Will. Arthur would definitely understand, wouldn't he?

"Is it me...?"

Merlin stopped, staring at Arthur, shocked for a second. "No, why the hell would it be you?!"

Arthur turned red. "Sorry, it's an impulse...I'm extremely self absorbed. I shouldn't have asked that."

"No..."

"But really," said Arthur. "Tell me who it is."

"His name is Will," Merlin broke down, finally, and told Arthur the truth. "We went to school together in Ireland, and I've had a...I don't know what it is, feelings, I guess for him forever."

"Let me guess," mused Arthur. "He's straight?"

"Mhm," Merlin nodded. "He has a girlfriend now, and I don't know...ever since I moved all he does is leave my messages on read. And I guess I just realize, we never were that close of friends. And the feelings I had were all because he was the only one that was ever nice to me in school. He stood up for me, and in my head, it turned it into _'oh, that must mean something,'_ but it didn't.."

"You don't have to make up an excuse for liking him, Merlin, you did or maybe you still do, and that's okay, you don't have to have a reason for it....."

"Yeah, but what if it only started _because_ he was nice to me? And my feelings just took it and ran with it. That's not real, is it?"

"Why shouldn't it be real?" offered Arthur. "Just because it started off because he was nice to you and actually talked to you, doesn't mean your feelings weren't real. If everyone treated you like shit? Of course your hearts going to go for the one thing that doesn't. And maybe now you realize it wasn't the right choice, but you'll find a new Will, or maybe find a whole new person, that's much better than Will."

Merlin considered this for a long time. "No," he said. "I don't think I will, no one likes me..."

"You're only sixteen, don't say that," Arthur told him, with a grin. "I mean I'm not dong so hot myself, but..."

"What?" Merlin retorted, a smirk forming on his lips. "The bros before blows thing isn't doing it for you?"

"Wow..." Said Arthur, shaking his head. "Shut up..."

"I reckon you'll marry Gwaine."

He was feeling better, now that he had gotten that off his chest, not good enough to go hang out with Gwaine again, but just _okay_ enough, thanks to Arthur not making him feel stupid about his feelings.

"I would really rather be ran over by a bus," retorted Arthur. "And here I am, helping you and you're making fun of me, _rude_!"

"Sorry," Merlin grinned still, biting his lip up at Arthur.

"No you're not, twat!" said Arthur, but Merlin could tell he was joking. "I should make you run fifty laps. That's how the coaches punish me."

"Hmmm, I'm more of a sit on the sofa kinda guy," said Merlin. "Maybe you should put me in a time out, instead."

"Okay!" said Arthur, excitedly. " _I will!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: In a hurry, so I didn't edit this the best, (My excuse every time O.O) but you are warned! Let me know if you see any mess ups!!)


	16. Chapter 16

When Merlin got home that evening, Uther, Hunith and possibly Morgana, too, were eating dinner, but Merlin didn't go in, he didn't want to be asked where he had been. He went up to his room and shut the door, finding his puppy laying in his bed. Dragoon woke up, excited to see him, he got up and started wagging his tail. Merlin fell into the bed next to him and started petting him. He pulled his phone out, as he rolled on his back and saw a text from Will, he growled, he opened it, but paused, not even bothering to read it, before hitting back on the phone. But he was pretty sure it just said hi, or something like that. He wasn't going to let Will bother him anymore, Merlin was going to focus on other things from now on. And maybe Arthur was right, maybe one day he would find a new Will, or someone much better. But he wasn't going to worry about that now, he was going to focus on learning guitar, he decided, he was going to become a better person. One that wasn't so shy and timid, the likes of which bullies and people who wanted to put him down could not imagine. There was a knock on the door and Merlin sat up, but he was too lazy to stand.

"Come in," he said, putting Dragoon on his lap and the dog curled up there. Morgana walked in, with a raised, done-up eyebrow and a red, thin lined lip.

"Where were you today?"

"School?" offered Merlin, she narrowed her eyes at that.

"You were home awful late from this _'school'_ you say you were at."

"What, are you my mum?" asked Merlin and Morgana frowned. "Nah, but she probably didn't even notice though, did she?"

"But I noticed!" said Morgana. "Don't be getting yourself into trouble, Merlin."

"I'm not..."

"Fine," she retorted, turning on her heels.

"But," he said right as she was leaving, she paused at the door, but did not turn around. "Thanks for caring about if I do."

 _"Anytime_ ," she said, but somehow made this sound kind of threatening, as she shut the door behind her. Merlin didn't go to bed right away, he practiced his guitar for a little while, making his mother, around ten, come in and yell at him to go to bed. But he wasn't tired. He had too many things on his mind, but this time they weren't bad things. He did eventually fall asleep, and in the morning, he got up early to get ready. He actually had to go to school today, he wished he didn't, but oh well. He went down stairs and into the kitchen. To his surprise, his mother had made eggs that morning. There were two plates left, the rest of the eggs must have been for Uther, who had already left for work.

"You never normally cook in the morning," said Merlin. Hunith looked over at him, as she was washing pans and glared at him. He had just been in a much better mood since spending the rest of the day with Arthur. After the Footie field, there hadn't been anymore weird or weirdos interrupting, they just drove around the town and talked about things. It was really nice and Arthur had said he wanted him to come back over a weekend sometime and Merlin really hoped he could.

"If you don't like it, don't eat it," retorted Huntih, after glaring at Merlin for awhile. He hadn't meant it like that, but he didn't say anything else, and went to sit down at the table. Morgana walked in after that, with her hair done up in a high ponytail, as she liked to do sometimes. Merlin always got a bit of a Mean Girls vibe from her, when she did. "Morgana, dear, I have breakfast for you."

"Oh... _eggs_ ," Morgana made a face like she wasn't impressed, but took the plate anyway and sat down next to Merlin. He was eating, but also looking at his phone. Arthur had just texted him a few songs he could learn on the guitar and Merlin was looking them up. "Why do you look so happy?"

"I don't?" offered Merlin, replying to Arthur's text, that he would FaceTime him later and show him his progress.

"Who are you texting?!" Morgana demanded. She was really, apparently, very bothered by Merlin's mood change and Merlin sighed, and faced the phone toward her. "Ew...why are you texting Arthur?"

"He sent me songs to learn to play on the guitar," Merlin explained. Hunith came around the corner again and looked at them.

"Are you two talking about Arthur?" she asked, Merlin nodded. "Is he well?"

"He's fine," said Merlin. He did wonder why she was asking.

"That's good," she smiled, almost dreamlike and this made both Merlin and Morgana pause and look at her, strangely, "You know, I think..." she continued, happily, not noticing their looks. "That once Arthur gives us his sperm, I would like a girl." There was that word again, always while Merlin was eating, _always_. "I was thinking of the name Olivia..."

Merlin and Morgana shared a look, the _'That's never going to happen, is she insane?'_ look and then both, without word, went back to eating their eggs. They left together, Merlin leaving a little early for school and Morgana a little late. They walked together until their paths would take them in different directions.

"She actually thinks Arthur's going to give them a baby!" Morgana laughed, pretty much as soon as they left the house. Merlin shrugged. "I mean, it's completely insane, he would never do it..."

"I know," Merlin nodded.

"And the name Olivia?" Morgana made a _HAH_ noise and turned up her nose. "That's not a Pendragon name." Merlin grinned at her, and rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not. Now... _Morticia_ , that's a good name. It's what I'd chose...not that I believe in having children."

"You don't want kids?" asked Merlin. "Arthur says he doesn't want kids ether." Merlin himself had never really thought about it before, whether he wanted kids or not. But he was still so young, he had lots of time to decide.

"Uther did such a good job raising us," said Morgana, darkly. "I hope he's happy, knowing he was so awful neither of his kids will let him become a grandfather."

"I mean, yeah...he's not great," said Merlin, as they were reaching their separate turns. Merlin would go to the left and Morgana, the right. "But that doesn't mean you'll have to have your kid around him...if you ended up wanting one."

"Oh no...he would find a way to ruin it," said Morgana, very knowing. "He's all about the bloodline, keeping the Pendragon name going. That's why he doesn't want Arthur to date a guy. If he marries him, he won't give Uther a true heir."

"That's stupid," said Merlin, sighing. "Well...see you later, Morgana. Have fun at school."

"Yeah right," retorted Morgana. "And if you get bullied today, Merlin, tell them I know voodoo."

"Right," Merlin laughed, but as they walked off, toward their own schools, he wondered though... _did she really know voodoo?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: This chapter is very short, another one of those fillers. But I really wanted to have a moment of just Morgana and Merlin. It's just very focused on Arthur all the time, as it always tends to be with me....sorry, not sorry, I love the boy! But yeah, I adore Morgana in this and I wanted a chapter just with her in it, even if it is short. And on a sidenote, editing this was so hard for me tonight, I am doing a Merlin rewatch, just because.....and I just watched Arthur get crowned King so my mind is like.....in Camelot, like hmmm....so gone. But I mean this mind set is good for my canon stories, right? ;p)


	17. Chapter 17

Merlin strummed his guitar, not aggressively, but very passionately, as his phone sat propped up on unused school books and a hair thing the dog had stolen from Morgana to chew on. Arthur watched, from the small screen of the phone, nodding along. Merlin was showing him the cords to a song, a song...actually, that Merlin himself had written. Arthur seemed very impressed by this.

"That sounds great," he said, after Merlin had finished. Though, still strummed along, to whatever beat was going on in his head. Merlin, over the course of a month had learned to play the guitar, much faster than he ever thought possible, and finding much more joy in it than he ever thought he would. He honestly loved playing, or making sounds, he even found himself at school thinking of strings he wanted to try and not only that, but because he started to come up with his own tunes, he had also started to write words to go along with them. He would assume those weren't very good, he hadn't showed anyone the words yet...he didn't think he was a very good singer, he had only ever taken choir, and never got a solo or anything. "I wish I was that talented..."

"Oh, shut up!" retorted Merlin at this, strumming the guitar loudly in protest. "You can play piano-"

"But so can you..."

"-And you can kick a ball much further."

"That part's true, I am pretty great at that," said Arthur, with a smirk. Merlin smiled at this, shaking his head. "It's like I'm a god..."

"Wow..." said Merlin, but he could not find any true, real, annoyance in Arthur's words. He more just found it to be funny. "Stop, before you get a big head..."

"I came out of the womb with a big head, the doctor's had to use a plunger," Arthur made the motion of... _plunging_ and Merlin closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Gross, stop!"

But just then, his bedroom door burst open and in walked his mother. Hair done up in curlers and looking quite annoyed. "Merlin, stop playing with that toy and go to sleep!" she shouted. "I hate that thing! grow up!" She stormed right back out and Merlin paused, for a second, before turning back to Arthur, and strumming, and okay maybe a little quieter this time, the chords to the song he had thought up.

"What a lovely woman," Arthur rolled his eyes. "Not fake in the slightest."

"I'm going to ask her tomorrow if I can sing a song at the wedding," said Merlin, without thinking. He had been thinking about it for awhile, but he hadn't expressed that to anyone yet, and really...Arthur was the best one to run it passed. Arthur looked at him for a full minute, before replying.

"Why?" he asked. "It's a fake marriage."

"I know, but..." Merlin muttered, feeling a little bashful about it. "I just...I want to show how...I don't know, I'm much happier here than I thought I'd be. And I work so hard on these songs I make and I want to share it...at least one of them."

"I think you should," said Arthur, smiling. "If it means something to you... _it's cute._ "

"It's not _cute_!" said Merlin, scrunching his face up. "That's rude!"

"It is, you're such a good son, Merlin," chided Arthur, making kissy faces. _"You wuv'em sooo much!"_

"I hate you..." Merlin trailed off and set his guitar down, picking up his phone and walking over to his bed. It was already midnight, luckily, it was Saturday, so he didn't have school. "She's going to say no, I know she will..."

"Fuck her, do it anyway," said Arthur, baby voice gone now. "I wouldn't even tell her, just whatever band they pick."

"I want her blessing though, I don't want her getting mad at me."

Merlin laid down in his bed, above the covers and watched Arthur in the screen, he had been laying in his bed the whole call, under a red duvet that looked very comfortable.

"I can call my dad and talk him into it," said Arthur, after a long moment. "If they want my sperm, they're gonna do what I say."

"No," Merlin shook his head. "I want to be in control of it, I need to handle my own problems. If she says no, I'll just talk her into it somehow."

"Are you sure?" offered Arthur. "I'm very persuasive..."

"I'm sure you are..." Merlin rolled his eyes, but they grew heavy and he wanted to close them soon.

"I've persuade many people right out of their panties..."

"Please...no...I'm tired, stop being gross," muttered Merlin. His eyes were fluttering open and shut, and yet they still stayed on the phone. It just wasn't occurring to Merlin to hang up. He found Arthur to be very comforting at times. Not even just when Merlin was in a bad or sad mood, but just always. And, it was true, Merlin knew Arthur was a lot older than him, and been through much more life than Merlin had yet, but still. "Can I be honest with you...?" he said, still half a sleep, he probably wouldn't be saying it if he wasn't so tired.

"Um...if it's about me being gross, then no," said Arthur, Merlin peaked open his eyes and stuck out his tongue. Arthur laughed. "Alright fine, go 'head."

"I've been thinking about stuff and..." he said, slowly, not because he meant to, but because he was too tired to go faster. "And...you're kinda my best friend."

_Silence_ , for a long time, so long, Merlin felt a little nervous and peaked open his eyes again, and looked into the phone. But it was then, Arthur started laughing. And shame, yes actual shame filled Merlin's body. "Holy shit," said Arthur, shaking his head. "I didn't know where that was going and I got really scared there."

"Uh...wha..." Merlin made noises, sitting up a little bit, honestly, confused. "What did you think I was saying?"

"I didn't know, but I... _fuck_ ," Arthur continued to laugh, very hard, for another whole minute. When he noticed Merlin wasn't laughing too, he tried to calm himself down, but the grin was very clear. "You really mean that?"

"What part?" sad Merlin, a little bitter now. "Because I don't remember what I said..."

"The best friend thing?" offered Arthur, with a glare into the screen.

"I don't know now..." said Merlin. "You were being kinda a prat right after and I don't know if I can be friends with that."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well, I was going to say, maybe it's a little weird...but you were becoming mine too, but never mind now."

"I guess...just forget I said anything," Merlin pouted. "I didn't mean it..."

"I'm going to come through this phone and rip your lips off...so you can't talk anymore..."

"That's a felony..." Merlin continued, with the same would-be clam voice and pout. "I would have to call the police..."

"I'll call them for you..."

Merlin's face changed suddenly, it scrunched up, like he had smelled bad cheese. "Rude..."

"You need to go to bed, fool, you've lost your damn mind," said Arthur into the phone. But he didn't look mad, neither was Merlin, not really. He just liked giving Arthur a hard time sometimes, and since he had ruined the best friend thing with... _whatever he thought_ , he deserved it.

"This is just what my face does when I see you," he pulled the face again and Arthur huffed.

"Goodnight, Merlin," he said. "Fuck you."

"Goodnight too, Arthur," said Merlin, boyishly. " _See you later, Gator..._ "

The call ended with the sound of Arthur laughing. Merlin put his phone on charge, turned off his lamp, and laid back into his bed again, but this time under the blankets. Though, now he was finding it hard to fall asleep, his mind kept playing over the conversation he just had with Arthur, at least the last little bit of it. And even though the best friend thing had been ruined, in a way, he still couldn't help but have a smile form on his lips, and maybe he didn't know why exactly. Maybe he just wished that he was still talking to him on the phone, he wished that he wasn't so tired and they could stay up later talking...but there was always tomorrow, he would call him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Hello! So, I don't know if I have said this yet, but I try to give Hunith an accent, because she is from the Ukraine, so.....I wanted that to come across, but sometimes I just feel like she says weird things. If you have ever felt that way, know it's because I'm trying to showcase her accent. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter!! Also, I am going to be updating the tags, I think in the next chapter, so look out for that happening, just in case. ;})


	18. Chapter 18

It had been really hard to convince Hunith to let Merlin preform a song at the wedding, it involved a lot of begging and explaining that he just wanted to do something nice for her, and eventually, even after insulting him several times, the likes of, 'You will only embarrass me,' and, 'You are not talented enough to write a whole song,' and the list went on, but finally... _finally_ she agreed, though she would have to hear the song first and approve it. It was a start. So, Merlin began working on it as much as he could, whenever he had time. He had a feeling she wouldn't approve, just simply because she really didn't want him to do it, so he planned on coming up with several songs, that way he had a back up plan, she couldn't disapprove all of them.

It was now the beginning of April, and Arthur was on his way home for a Spring Break from his school, where he got a few weeks off. Merlin was actually really excited to see him, even though they did talk at least three times a week on FaceTime, it was obviously easier to do this, and speak to each other more often, when in the same house. Also, on top of that, Uther had been talking about a family holiday, he was very vague, but apparently they went on one every year. Merlin had never been on holiday before, his father had been too poor to afford it, and his mother wouldn't ever, even dream of taking him somewhere for fun.

Merlin heard Arthur's car pull into the drive way, and in no way had he been waiting in the sitting room, looking out the window for the last hour. But he didn't get up, he just continued to sit there, ears straining to hear anything. He didn't want Arthur thinking he had been waiting for him. Which was kind of dumb, if Merlin really thought about it, so...he decided not to. But kept sitting there anyway.

"Excuse me!" came Arthur shouting, just a moment or two later. "Does no one in this house love me anymore? I don't even get a greeting?!"Merlin paused, eyes fluttering shut as a smile formed on his lips. He kept sitting there, for another few seconds, he still didn't want to look eager, and then stood up and headed into the foyer. When he first saw Arthur, just standing there, bags all over the floor, he felt a little jolt in him. Arthur looked over and glared at him. "About bloody damn time, what am I the step child?"

"Nope, that's me," grinned Merlin.

"Don't make this about you," said Arthur, but with no real irritation in his voice, or anger in his eyes. He was trying to fight a smile, actually. "You just sitting around on your backside, and look at me...no one's even come to hug me yet, what is this, prison?"

Biting his lip, Merlin offered his hand out to shake and Arthur stared at it for several seconds before reaching out and taking his hand. But instead of shaking it, he yanked him forward, making him trip over one of Arthur's bags, and pulled him into such a tight hug, it was actually painful.

"Ah!" he yelled out, struggling, not to get away, necessarily, but to get his footing back. "Yer-Killin'-me!"

"YER A WIZARD, 'ARRY!" yelled Arthur, ruffling Merlin's hair now. Merlin manged to get free and pushed Arthur away from him, flatting his hair back down.

"Why are you saying that?" demanded Merlin. Arthur grinned at him.

"I don't know...you look like a lad that'd sleep under someones stairs," said Arthur, and Merlin, though he didn't know why, found that kind of offensive. "And...a lot of the time your Irish accent doesn't come out that much, but right there..." Arthur smirked. "It was very sweet, I liked it."

"You're a freak..."

It was about this time that Uther came down the stairs, he marched over and slapped Arthur on the back. "Nice to see you, son," he said, almost formally and Merlin took a few steps back. If he was being honest with himself, he was a little sad Uther had appeared, he much preferred it when he and Arthur had conversations alone, but he was his father...so he probably had more rights to be talking to him than Merlin did.

Not long after this, Merlin was asked, by Uther, to talk Arthur's stuff upstairs for him and the two, father and son, disappeared into the sitting room, talking heavily of sports and how Arthur was fairing in training this year. Merlin didn't mind doing this, he dropped Arthur's stuff off at his door and headed to his own room. He played with Dragoon for awhile before dinner was ready. It was nothing special this time, unlike last time Arthur had arrived back from school, when Hunith and Merlin had met him for the first time. They only ate in the kitchen, instead of the dinning room and Hunith did not make Arthur's favorites. Dinner was pretty uneventful, it was just like any other day, just that Arthur was there this time rather than not. Afterwards Morgana forced Merlin to help her with a school project, where he was forced to hold a blown-up Earth ball and let her take pictures of him.

"Why did you choose me for this?" he asked, after an hour of standing in the dinning room, against the windows, and seeing red and white flashes in his eyes from the flash of the camera.

"Because you have a...very Earthy look," said Morgana, as she looked through the pictures. "Like you just rolled in dirt."

"I am beginning to think you all think I'm ugly..." he trailed off, dropping the ball to the floor. Morgana did not reply to this and Merlin frowned. He looked up, in time to see Arthur coming down the stairs in a midnight blue dress shirt and fancy dark washed jeans. He looked very nice and Merlin wondered why. He left, ignoring Morgana's protests to stay, and instead headed out of the dinning room. "Where are you going?" he asked, Arthur, meeting him at the end of the stairs. He sounded a little bit demanding, but he hadn't meant to, not that he really wanted Arthur to leave, but he couldn't stop him if he did go out.

"Gwaine is in town, he's throwing a party at a mutual friends house tonight," said Arthur, he looked Merlin up and down. "What the hell were you doing in there anyway?"

"Helping Morgana for this thing..." Merlin rolled his eyes. "She says I look like I roll in dirt." Arthur laughed at this, and Merlin pouted. "Have fun at your Uni party... _prat_."

"You could come with me, you know?" offered Arthur. Merlin paused at this and did not hide his alarm. "Aw, come on...it'll be fun!"

"I don't know...I...I'm not a party guy, I'm a no friends guy..." said Merlin. "Thanks though, but Uther would never allow it anyway."

"Hm...wanna bet?" Arthur smirked, and walked away. Merlin didn't know where he was going at first. He thought, maybe, he was leaving, but instead he headed into the sitting room. Merlin followed behind him, only because he was confused. There, sitting on the sofa, was Uther, watching an old-time movie about war. "Well, dad...I'm heading out, don't suppose I'll be back until morning."

"Now, Arthur, you know how I feel about you staying out all night," said Uther, looking over and glaring. "I said no to it, if you remember..."

"I know...I just don't care," said Arthur,with a shrug. "I'll do what I want."

"I don't mind if you go, but under my roof, son, you have to at least follow my rules half-assed..." Uther sighed and shook his head. "Take Morgana with you, she'll have you dead before you do something stupid again."

"She hates going to Uni parties, she says their for small-minded drunkards," said Arthur, with a shrug and a smirk. And Merlin, still confused, wondered what exactly he was doing.

"Can't say she's wrong..." Uther trailed off. He looked up, looking around the room for the first time and noticed Merlin there. His eyes widened. "Why don't you take Merlin?"

"WHAT?" yelled Arthur, but it sounded a little bit fake. "I...no, he's not old enough!"

"Well, then you will just have to pay attention to him, won't you?" Uther smirked, a wicked kind of smirk and sat back, deeper into the sofa, clearly pleased with himself. "And obviously you wouldn't be able to stay out all night, you have to be responsible for him..."

"I don't need a babysitter, dad!" said Arthur, but he was already turning to head back out of the room.

"I believe you both do," said Uther, pleasantly. He grinned at Merlin. "You don't mind, do you?" Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, and shrugged. "Perfect, you'll have fun...but just remember not too much!"

Arthur heaved a deep sigh, and then shoved Merlin from the room, he could swear he heard Uther laughing from inside, and Arthur was smirking now. "He fucking fell right into it..."

It shocked, and kind of amazed Merlin, how Arthur could manipulate his father like that, just so easily. It actually proved something about Arthur. Because yes. he was kind of old school, but Uther was no fool, which made Arthur, who so easily hoodwinked him, rather smart. Arthur steered Merlin out of the front door and toward his car. It annoyed Merlin slightly that he wasn't allowed to change, he was wearing some dumb, save the world T-shirt Morgana made him put on. Not that Merlin thought that was dumb, his father had preached the same thing to him for years about saving the world, he just wished he could be dressed more like Arthur.

His eyes traveled over to him, as he drove down the street. Arthur was still looking very pleased with himself. But Merlin was starting to feel nervous. "Arthur..."

"Yeah?" Arthur looked over, as he reached a stop light. Merlin bit his lip.

"I'm scared..." he admitted, Arthur smiled at this. "I never even went to a kid party...I don't know what to expect at this."

"I'll be honest, a lot of drinking, smoking, drugs," said Arthur, driving forward again, once the light turned. "Loud music, loud people...but don't worry about it."

"All those things sound awful, and you're telling me not to worry about it?"

"I'll stay with you the whole night, alright? It will be fun, I promise," offered Arthur, as he turned down a road Merlin didn't know. The whole area, actually, he didn't know. "I don't know that many people at this party anyway, except Gwaine and I don't know if my other mates are driving in..."

"I don't know why you wanted me to go..."

"For company...?"

"I'm not very good company..."

"Yes you are, you idiot," said Arthur, sternly. "I know you're nervous, it's alright, but you don't have to be...not with me." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Please make sure you go read the updated tags, for the next chapter will feature said new tags heavily.)


	19. Chapter 19

_'You don't have to be,'_

Turned, very quickly, into Merlin understanding completely why he had every reason to be. Parties, activities such as this, were simply just not Merlin's thing. He felt weird and very much like he didn't belong there, because he didn't. Loud music played, and people sat around, smoking what Merlin could only assume was pot, and making out, and dirty dancing, and drinking, and screaming and acting stupid...

He was very overwhelmed. And the worst part, the very worst bit...was he had no idea where Arthur was, he had panicked slightly, and by slightly...not at all slightly, and had tried to escape the noise, but that meant, as the front door was blocked, his only option was to go upstairs, and he had thought Arthur was following him, but he had not been. The upstairs was quiet, except for very loud banging coming form a bedroom, and Merlin honestly...just really didn't want to know what that was. He knew he couldn't stay up here long, because he needed to find Arthur and not to mention, the noises were making him uncomfortable. He headed back down stairs and as he reached the bottom, he had to squeeze passed this girl with pink hair, who wouldn't stop dancing sexily on the last step. He didn't know where to look first for Arthur, so he headed into the sitting room. He looked around, at the many faces there and didn't see Arthur, however he did see Gwaine and...someone else's face that for some reason, Merlin recognized.

"Ahhh, Merlin," said Gwaine, he was holding a joint in his hand and his eyes looked glossed over. "Arthur said he brought you."

"Yeah," Merlin nodded, eyes traveling to the other guy, Gwaine was sitting with. That man looked to be a year or two older than Gwaine and held a beer bottle in his hand, looking a little flushed, which means that this one was clearly not his first. "Do you know where Arthur is?"

"Oh, yeah...he's in the garden with this girl."

"What?" questioned Merlin, not only because he didn't understand, but also, because it was so loud, how was he supposed to hear? Gwaine laughed.

"He's in the shed out back, getting some from this pretty, little blonde bird..."

Merlin had to stop, he had to pause for several seconds and just take those words in, and he really needed to figure out why they made him so angry. Apart from the fact that Arthur was supposed to be staying with him because he knew he was nervous...

"Don't look so down about it," said Gwaine, with a grin. "She's fit as fuck."

"Shut up, you wanker!" said the other man, and he smiled at Merlin. "He's a dick for not introducing us, and a lot of other reasons. I'm Lance."

"Nice to-" Merlin was about to say, when it dawned on him, how he looked familiar This was _LANCE_! Gwen's boyfriend...fiance _thing_. Merlin's mouth fell open. But luckily, this was all ignored, because just as Merlin started to stutter, a red headed woman came over and sat down on Lance's lap.

"Whoa," he said, as she started kissing his neck, just randomly, out of now where. Like this was okay. "Look, Love...I told you earlier, I'm engaged, and I plan on being faithful to my future wife, alright?"

The girl huffed, and got up and walked off. Gwaine watched on, looking ashamed. "Strong man, you are, Mate."

"Being faithful is the only right thing to do, Gwen would never cheat on me..."

And that was it, that was all he could take. Merlin felt very sick to his stomach all of a sudden, he just really wanted to go home. _Right now_. He just couldn't quite cope, he felt his heart race and his palms sweet and he wanted to throw up.

"You don't look so good there, Lad," said Lance. "You alright?"

"You know what he needs?" offered Gwaine now, as he stood up and wrapped an arm around Merlin. "A bit of a chill pill, you know."

Lance rolled his eyes. "No, he looks like he needs a bed."

"Merlin," said Gwaine, pulling something out of his pocket and shoving it into Merlin's hand. Merlin, who felt like his soul had suddenly left his body, manged to look down and see the joint in his hand. "I know you're new to the party scene, it's cool...we've all been there, let Uncle Gwaine make you feel better, hm?"

"I don't believe you are this boys uncle!" said Lance, but he wasn't really doing anything to stop him either. Merlin didn't really know how it happened, somehow he was sitting on the sofa next to Lance the next minute and Gwaine was lighting the thing and pressed it to his lips...and then most things after that became very blurry.

Twenty minutes later he was numb, just competently and totally numb. He could barely remember his name, he thought it was Merlin, but that was a dumb name, so why would it be that? He liked the idea of Fred or Ron better...it had a nice ring to it.

"RON!" he yelled out and scared Lance next to him, who got up, looking alarmed and walked away. But not before giving Gwaine one last dirty look. Gwaine, himself, only burst out with a laugh and watched Lance go.

"MERLIN!" Came a loud voice suddenly and Merlin didn't answer to it, because _that_ was not his name now. He had decided, it was Ron...or Fred, he wasn't sure yet. Arthur came up and stood in front of him, he was yelling at Gwaine, and Merlin...er, no Fred... ** _no_** _Ron_...he couldn't really understand what he was saying, until Arthur dragged him up. "WHY ARE YOU GETTING HIGH? I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!"

"Gorg said you were outside in a shed with a blonde..."

"Huh?!" demanded Arthur. "What are you saying, who is Gorg?"

Gwaine, still sitting on the sofa, was laughing so hard his face had turned red and he was wheezing. "I think...he means me, Mate..."

"Shut up, I can't believe you got him high..." said Arthur. "What the fuck did you give him?"

"Just weed, Mate, and he lost his damn marbles."

Merlin... _no_ , Ron, he didn't remember how he got into the car, or who was even driving it, he had to keep looking over to make sure someone was. Arthur was clearly a little upset with him, but then maybe he shouldn't have been outside having relations with some blonde hussy and instead stayed with Ron!

"Merlin, are you alright?" asked Arthur, after a long time of driving in silence. Ron didn't answer. "Listen, I didn't mean to let Gwaine get ahold of you, I don't think you're ready for pot yet, I mean...it's obviously fucking you up pretty good."

"I feel fine," said Ron, looking over to Arthur once again. "And stop calling me that."

"Calling you what?"

But just then they pulled into the driveway. Arthur got out first, quick, and helped Ron out of the car. He was finding that he couldn't feel his feet. He didn't know pot could make you feel this way, completely numb and so free of worry, he needed to do it more, he needed this at school...he just wished he would remember how many toes he was supposed to have. _He thinks thirty-six_.

Arthur pushed open the front door and shoved Merlin inside. Morgana was sitting on the steps, right when they walked in. Merlin's eyes widened so much he almost fell backwards and Arthur had to catch him from falling.

"Uther says you took Merlin to your uni party," she was saying, sternly. " _Why_?!"

"I thought it would be fun," said Arthur, eyes shifting back and forth and not landing directly on his sister, who looked very angry.

"It _was_ fun, Gorg gave me drugs and I met Lance who is getting repeatedly cheated on by the love of his life and he's actually a nice guy, and I hate myself...and Arthur was having sex with a blonde girl in a shed, so...I think he had fun, too."

"Excuse me?!" Morgana shouted. _"YOU LEFT HIM ALONE WITH RANDOM, HORRIBLE UNI KIDS, WHILE YOU FONDLED SOME BITCH?!_

"Stop yelling, Morgana," said Arthur, in a hushed yell. "Dad is going to hear you and he's the last person that needs to know about this. And no...I didn't have sex with anyone!"

"W _eeeeell_ , Gorg says you did!" said Merlin, matter of factly, pointing a finger in Arthur's face. Arthur looked angry for a long time, and that scared Merlin... _or was he still Ron?_ Because he had never seen Arthur get angry at anyone but Uther, and that led to him punching his father.

"I don't give a fuck what **_Gorg_ **said, _I didn't_!"

"He's high as shit!" declared Morgana, now and Merlin grinned at her, forgetting about his worries of Arthur punching him suddenly.

" _Mhm_ ," he nodded his head. He looked around the foyer, it was dark and he didn't like it. So, he walked forward and into the kitchen, where he turned on all the lights. The two followed behind him, looking very worried. But he was hungry, so he started going through the fridge.

"Arthur, I am so mad at you right now...you can't even imagine how much..."

"Don't blame me," said Arthur. "He slipped away from me, I wasn't going to leave him, somehow he found Gwaine and Gwaine is himself..."

"That's not an excuse!"

"I know, I shouldn't have brought him, alright?" Arthur sighed. "I just wanted to see how he'd react. Clearly not good..."

"IT'S SO HOT!" yelled Merlin now. He was getting mad, he couldn't find anything to eat and it was so hot he felt like he was melting. He pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it onto the floor. The pair of them watched him.

"C'mon, Merlin, let's get you to bed," said Arthur, stepping forward. But Merlin took a step back. "Listen, I'm not kidding."

"Who are you then?" offered Merlin, with a smirk, but Arthur didn't seem to find him funny. Instead, he yanked him forward and grabbed him around the middle, lifting him up and threw him over his shoulder. "Is this how you treated the blonde girl...?"

Arthur did not respond to that.

Merlin was getting very tired by the time he had reached his bedroom, and when Arthur dropped him into his bed, he could barely see anymore. He was shivering now, chills ran through his body.

"I'm so cold..." his teeth chattered.

"Probably shouldn't have taken off your shirt then, huh?" offered Arthur, as suddenly, a very large thing fell over Merlin, and it scared him until he realized it was a blanket. He was so tired, and so far away...

"Don't...don't leave me this time, okay?" he asked, but never got an answer. It was like Arthur was already gone.

It bothered him, that there was no one there, he knew it, shadows danced behind his eyes and every so often a vision, vision of something would come closer and closer...and as soon as Merlin reached out to touch it, it would be gone again, and Merlin would end up feeling more alone than he did even right after his father had died. But every so often, that vision would come back, and each time it was stronger and stronger and more bright, and when he saw it, he felt his heart swell with something...he didn't know what, but he could feel it grow and then burst through his whole body. Making him feel warm and happy. He realized, after awhile, that the vision he saw wasn't just shapes and colors, it was a person and it came nearer and nearer each time it came, and _this_ time, it was strong and clear and bright, as he flew toward him. It...wasn't an it, it was an Arthur. _It was Arthur._ And he came ever closer this time, whispering Merlin's name in such a way that made Merlin's stomach do flips, and Merlin wanted to reach out to him, his eyes were just barely open, but he could see him plainly, and he wanted to reach out and touch him, but all too soon, it faded away into darkness, he was gone once again, and Merlin feared this time, he wouldn't come back. He called out to him...

"Merlin!" a voice yelled, and he felt his whole body shaking. _Was he dying?_ His eyes popped open and the morning light pierced them, and who was shaking him was Arthur. It startled him, was this his dream still or real life...? " _Merlin!"_

"Uh..." he mumbled out. Arthur sighed and moved back, sitting on the edge of the bed. Merlin felt strange, for more than one reason, he thought. "Why are you in my room?"

"I stayed, because you asked me to," said Arthur, casually. "And I was freaked out, you were out cold, but...you just kept calling me, I barely fucking slept all night. Not that it's your fault...I was just scared you'd die or something."

"I was calling you while I was asleep?" asked Merlin, feeling a little worried about this, what else might he have done?

"Yeah, and the last one sounded like you were really scared and I really thought you were dying...like I said."

Merlin looked at him, and really just looked at him for a second, the thoughts of his dream came floating back into his head, and he realized something just then. Something that had just been there, been there for a bit actually. Something that was appsalutly horrifying. He got up suddenly and headed for the door. Arthur asked where he was going, but Merlin ignored this and kept walking. He walked into the loo and shut and locked the door behind him, leaning against it. His face was flushed and he felt a pounding in his heart that was just not right...not right at all.

He understood now, why he always wanted to talk to Arthur on the phone, or why he was so excited when he was coming home, why he liked talking to him so much, why he smiled every time he got a text from him, why he was so annoyed when he found out about the blonde girl in the shed...

The idea that Arthur had stayed in Merlin's room, because he cared about Merlin and was worried for him, it made Merlin's heart soar in a way that was just simply gross.

It all made perfect sense now. Because Merlin was an idiot, with low self esteem and the tiniest, little act of kindness he was shown...Arthur had said it himself, before, when Merlin asked him about it. He seemed to think it was okay for Merlin's feelings to act this way, but Merlin did not. This was the same thing that happened with Will, but the only difference with Will was...was he wasn't about t be Merlin's step brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I'm going to be honest, I love this chapter. Let me explain why...before you think that I am insane. Mostly, it just makes me laugh so much, like I was DYING when I wrote this, and that was probably over a month ago, so when I reread it to edit it, I died yet again. It's just the part where Merlin turns himself into Ron, that literally makes zero sense, and makes me laugh so hard. I hope it is at least readable to someone who is not me and you are not just completely confused as to who 'Ron' is. (In very twisted terms, Merlin is basically saying his name is odd and too big for him, so he should be something basic like Ron. In all reality, that's what he was saying and it's kinda sad, but it still makes me laugh.) It also makes me laugh that both of the chapters for both of my stories I am posting today and tomorrow are literally insane. There is just certain points in books where you're reading and something so insane is happening you're like....the author must have been on some serious drugs while writing this, but no....I promise, I am drug free. Beyond all that though, we finally get Merlin realizing he likes Arthur....so there's that too. I also like the dream part too, because Merlin is dreaming this, but Arthur says he kept calling him during the night, so when 'Arthur fades away and then comes back again' basically, it's just him checking on Merlin during the night, and I was like well....that's good, that's really good. I impress myself. ;} But anyway, I need to shut up, I hope you enjoyed!! PS, I didn't re-edit this, so hopefully it's okay!)


	20. Chapter 20

Merlin was struggling, not just with these new discovered feelings he found within himself, but other things too. Just life, in general. He had been trying to socially distance himself for days now. He didn't know why exactly he was doing this, maybe he thought the feelings would just go away if Merlin wasn't faced with the problem, the problem being...well...Arthur, basically. But it hadn't been working much, or if at all. He just used the fact that he was writing songs as an excuse to stay in his room and he was pretty sure Arthur just thought Merlin was mad at him over the party, which he was not. He had chosen to try drugs on his own, well maybe Gwaine had forced his hand a little, but even still...he hadn't even minded the affect the drugs had on him, in fact he wished he felt it now, just completely numb.

What he didn't enjoy, was having these feelings, he had never enjoyed having them for Will, not once...there was no giddy feeling, or smiling, or _oh my gosh_ moments, there was only panic and worry that he would say something wrong. He always felt guilty for feeling this way. Will didn't feel the same and Arthur...Arthur definitely, beyond a single shadow of a doubt, would not feel the same way. How were they supposed to grow a healthy bond if Merlin harbored these feelings? Merlin wondered why...why did he have to feel this way? Why not just let it go as a messed up thought and never think about it again? He didn't know how...but he wished he could.

There was a knock on Merlin's door and he didn't move, he continued to sit on his bed. He didn't want to answer it, whoever it was could just go away and if it was his mother again, as it had been so many times before, she would just walk in anyway. And that she did, having no respect for him, as usual.

"Uther needs you downstairs," she said simply enough. Merlin looked over, still not getting up. He didn't know why Uther might need him, maybe Arthur had told him what happened at the party and Merlin was being punished...maybe he would be given more time in his room. "Get up, let's go...right now. I'm tired of your lazy attitude."

"Sorry..." said Merlin, in a way that said he wasn't sorry at all. He didn't feel like being nice or at the very least, submissive right now. He just wanted left alone, and she didn't seem to get that, as she constantly came up stairs and demanded he help clean up the dinners he didn't even eat. Now he understood how Morgana felt all the time, when forced to do things. Merlin got up anyway, without arguing, because he didn't have the strength, and followed her out of his room.

Downstairs, in the sitting room stood Uther, with Arthur and Morgana sitting on the sofa. _Oh great_ , a family meeting. Merlin sat in one of the arm chairs, instead of sitting next to Arthur on the sofa. No one said anything for several minutes, until finally Uther spoke. "Now that you're all here..." he started off, and Merlin wondered if he was going to go off about something, he looked pretty serious. "I suggest you all pack your bags!" he continued, a grin forming on his stern face, slowly. "I just got off the phone with the Traveling Agent, I have you three booked a suite in a...dare I say, _fancy as hell_ , hotel in Barcelona." he clapped his hands together and looked around at the three, waiting for the _thank you's,_ probably. "It was the beat I could do as our last plans got ruined..."

Uther had been planing a trip to Venice for the family, so they had been told, just the other night, but as Hunith couldn't travel out of the country due to her citizenship right now, it had to be canceled.

"What about you and Hunith?" asked Arthur.

"Yes, well...it will be a little different this year as we will not all be going together," explained Uther. "But I still wanted to give you three a nice trip, and especially as this was Merlin's first real vacation...as he was too poor before, I want it to be nice." That statement was almost nice, almost caring...he just had to add the little jab in at the end, Merlin thought. That was Uther for you. "I have set up a little getaway in town, for the two of us, never fear...and arrangements for someone to watch the _beast,_ of course."

"Dragoon is not a beast, Uther, he's a baby that needs pampering," said Morgana, as she stood up, though, she did look very pleased. Arthur, too, they both looked very happy. Apparently a trip without parents was a good thing for them, right now...to Merlin, it felt like the worst thing. So, he was meant to be stuck with Arthur, alone? That was awful.

"He's destroying every shoe I own, child, I call that a beast!" retorted Uther, Morgana rolled her eyes.

"That's because it's owner doesn't take care of him..." chimed in Huinth and it was Merlin's turn to roll his eyes. Everyone looked over at her and didn't reply. Uther gave Merlin a look, that said _'well, I didn't say that,'_ but Merlin assumed he was thinking it too.

"I was not joking about packing, you all leave in the morning!"

Merlin followed the other two back upstairs, all the while wondering what exactly you pack for a trip to Barcelona. He wondered if Uther would be offended if he opted not to go, of course it was a nice gesture, he appreciated it, but he was scared straight...or at least he wished he was scared straighter.

"She called him an it... _it_ , like he doesn't have a gender...if he asked to be called it than I can understand, but judging at how much he likes to hump my teddies, I am going with he enjoys being a boy..." Morgana was saying, as they reached the second floor.

"Just because he likes to hump things doesn't mean you aren't misgendering him," said Arthur, Merlin was just trying to pass them to get to his room and not listen in to this conversation. Mostly, because it was stupid. "Girls like to hump, too...trust me, I'd know."

"EW!" yelled Morgana. "Pedophile!"

"First of all...I've only ever been with people the same age as me or older...okay, no, wait...never mind, I _have_ been with people younger, but not that much," said Arthur, Merlin only heard this, as he was walking away. "But still, fuck you!"

He shut the door behind him, as he heard Morgana yell something, but he ignored this. The _Beast_ and the I _t_ in question was currently chewing on a piece of paper Merlin had been writing song lyrics on before being called down stairs and Merlin gave him a look, he stopped what he was doing, putting his ears back and prancing over to Merlin. He didn't think he was a bad parent to Dragoon, he just thinks the dog didn't like Hunith... _and Merlin couldn't imagine why_...

The next morning came all too fast, Merlin had spent the whole night up, trying to figure out what to pack and not to pack and feeling uncomfortable about being so far away with feelings for one of the two people he was going with. He knew he wouldn't do anything stupid about that, not the feelings thing, he was too scared to even look Arthur in the eyes right now, let alone act on anything he was feeling right now. And thinking like that made him feel weird and gross and he really just hated this...

It was really early, still dark outside even, when Uther...yes actually Uther came to wake him up. It was a bit weird, opening your eyes and finding Uther staring back at you, he wondered how his mother did it every day. But, he did have to say, in the dark, in sleep...Uther's voice did sound a little like Arthur's. And that was even more gross, and this thought made him jump out of the bed, as Uther spoke to him.

"We're leaving in twenty minutes," he was saying, looking at Merlin strangely, as he had now just jumped out of the bed like it was on fire. "I realize it's not much time, Hunith forgot to wake you, she said."

"Oh...I'm sure she did," retorted Merlin, rolling his eyes. Uther, to Merlin's surprise, let out a short, snort of a laugh. He paused at this and looked up at the man, who shrugged.

"Twenty minutes...we'll be waiting downstairs."

Merlin showered quickly, got dressed and spent the rest of the few minutes he had left saying goodbye to Dragoon, he was worried for his boy, he felt like he was leaving him with the evil step mother from Cinderella. But he did, making sure to grab his bag of clothes for the trip and the dogs leash. As he came down the stairs and into the foyer, he heard voices though. Two of them, they belonged to Hunith and Uther.

"I still say you shouldn't waste your money on this trip," Hunith was saying. "Let Arthur and Morgana go...Merlin can stay, take care of the house while we are away."

"Hunith," Uther was saying, sounding a little bit tired, like he had said it all before. Merlin continued to listen in anyway, even if he knew it was wrong. "I know you don't want it to appear that your son is using me, or taking advantage of my money and generosity...I do give too much, it is one of my faults. But if he is to be apart of this family than he should be allowed to go on a trip with the children...not allowing him to go is cruel."

"He hasn't done anything to deserve it..."

"Neither has Morgana... have you met her?" joked Uther, but Hunith didn't say anything. "No, Hunith...they will go and have a wonderful time and you and I will have our own fun." _Ew,_ Merlin decided he had heard enough. The truth was, nothing his mother had just said surprised him, or barely even hurt him. He knew her thoughts on him, she expressed them enough. It was no secret. He walked further into the room and the both turned around, noticing him there finally. "Ah, finally...the other two are waiting in the car."

Merlin nodded and steppe forward. He handed Uther the dog leash, not Hunith, who Merln figured would take care of the dog, but Merlin refused to speak to her at this very moment. And, okay...so maybe he was a little mad, and a little hurt, but he wished he wasn't. "His food is in the bottom of my wardrobe," said Merlin, plainly. "He gets fed once in the morning and once in the evening."

Uther nodded, taking the leash, but then passed it off to Hunith right away. Merlin then turned around and headed outside, to the car. Uther stayed back, probably saying goodbye, but Merlin didn't feel any need to say goodbye to his mother. He went outside and got into the back of Uther's car. He had a very large, black, SUV. Morgana was sitting on the other side, looking extremely tired. Arthur was in the passenger seat, which just so happened to be right in front of Merlin, snoring loudly.

"Are you excited?" asked Morgana, as she looked over at him, but then she must have noticed his irritation and frowned. "What's wrong..?"

Merlin shook his head and looked outside the window, seeing Uther coming now, down the driveway. "I just don't want to leave Dragoon..."

"Sneaking dogs on planes is considered illegal..I looked it up last night." Merlin frowned at this and she reached over and touched him on the arm. "Don't worry, we'll have fun...we actually get to do what we want this vacation and don't have to follow Uther around like puppies. It'll be great, I promise."

Merlin nodded, giving her a small smile in return. He really hoped it would be.


	21. Chapter 21

Merlin sat on the plane, he hadn't said a word since...well, he hadn't said a word at all actually, not in the car ride, not in the airport and now, not on the plane either. Not even when Arthur and Morgana started arguing about who got to sit by the window. In the end Arthur _'decided'_ to sit in the middle seat, he said so _'if the plane goes down, as the oldest, I can grab both of you.'_ But Merlin figured it was more he didn't want to listen to Morgana complain endlessly more than anything else. The plane had yet to take off, still boarding more and more passengers. It was very busy for it being so early in the morning.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Arthur, after Morgana had put on headphones and chose to look out of the window and ignore everything else. "You haven't spoken all morning."

Merlin thought that well... _he_ was the matter with him, Arthur himself, and also his mother, for being an endless bitch, and he supposed something else bothered him too. "I've never been on a plane before," he chose to go with that, as the other two things were much too complicated right now. Arthur looked over at him and looked a little concerned.

"I was just joking about it going down before," he said, seriously. "Planes are very safe...for the most part. Nothing's going to happen."

"I didn't think it was...but I am now, so thanks for that."

Arthur let out a breathy, and maybe a little worried, laugh. "Look, just don't worry about it, close your eyes and just relax. Taking off is the worst bit. Once you're up there, it's like nothing is happening."

"Right," Merlin nodded, looking now, as the attendants were shutting the plane door. He was starting to feel an anxious sort of feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, and he found it hard to swallow or really listen to the woman's instructions of putting on a life vest. But it wasn't for another twenty minutes until they would take off, and he didn't know why, but it worried him that the woman who had shown them how to put on life vests sat down in one of the empty seats and buckled in, was that normal?

The plane was going down the run way, very fast, and gaining speed all the while. Merlin felt his heart racing, he could hear his blood rushing in his ears. He slammed his eyes shut, harshly, as they fought him to close, just in case...he wanted to see it coming. And he gripped onto the arm rests with all his strength. He could feel the plane leave the ground with a jerk, he could feel his ears popping, for some reason, and then... he could feel an unfamiliar warmth, of a hand covering his own. His eyes peeked open and looked over to see Arthur looking back at him. A soft smile formed on Arthur's lips and he winked one eye.

And now suddenly, Merlin's heart was racing for a whole other reason, he felt his own lips forming a smile and he tried to hide it, looking back down and biting his lip, in what he hoped looked like nerves. But even still, Arthur did not remove his hand from Merlin's, even well after the plane had reached the skies. It was only when the seat belt sign turned off and people were allowed to start moving around, did Arthur let go and leaned forward.

"This thing has movies," he said, pressing buttons on the screen, that was embedded into the seat in front of them. "We can watch one?"

By the time Toy Story had ended they were already landing, and although scary, Merlin understood now, what to expect, so he was ready to be bumped all around and his ears to pop. He didn't like that part at all though, the bumping he could deal with. The three collected their bags and Arthur got them a Lift to their hotel. Merlin looked around the city in awe, as they drove there, it was so different than London, or Ireland. The style, the people...everything, it was completely beautiful. Even the hotel was beautiful, it was actually very, _very_ beautiful. It had big, blue tables, with huge vases of flowers and there were no doors to the courtyard, it just opened up to it, with long, flowing curtains to keep out bugs or heat. He had never seen anything like it. But, Merlin had never been rich before either.

It was the room itself, that ended up causing a problem, not that it wasn't as lovely as the rest of the hotel, it was a suite even, with a little fridge and complementary drinks. It was the fact that there was only one, be it quite large, bed. Because it was so last minute, this was all Uther could get apparently. There was _at least_ a sofa, according to the bell-hop boy.

"It looks like one of you two will be sleeping on the floor," sad Morgana, as she plopped down on the bed.

"Excuse me?" offered Arthur, with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm the girl, I deserve to be most comfortable."

"Bullshit..."

The two ended up in a fight, again, for a long while, with Arthur suggesting that Morgana had already been selfish once and wanted the window seat on the plane, she didn't need to be more selfish and take the bed too. Merlin couldn't care less about either thing. He just wanted to get out, get some lunch and look at the city.

"I'll sleep on the floor," he said, after awhile, they both paused their argument and stared at him.

"No, let Arthur sleep on the floor," said Morgana. "You shouldn't have to."

"It's fine, I don't really mind..."

"No, she's right...I'll sleep on the floor."

"Oh my god!" yelled Morgana then. "So, you'll fight with me, but not him?"

"It's his first holiday! I'm not going to bloody let him sleep on the floor!"

"Please!" shouted Merlin, and he never shouted. This made both of their eyes widen in shock "It doesn't matter right now, can we just go do something?"

And that they did, they ended up having lunch at a little pub right next door to the hotel. Where the waiter kept obnoxiously flirting with Arthur every chance he got. He also told them of a party that night, that was happening on of the the streets just outside of the main tourist area, and really suggested that Arthur should go. Apparently, this was a normal thing, to have parties in the streets in Barcelona, but Merlin really hoped Arthur wouldn't go either way. He honestly just didn't want him around this waiter, _Pablo_ , or whatever his name was, he was stupid and very...Gwaine like, and Merlin really didn't like that.

"You aren't seriously going to go to that thing, are you?" he asked, once they were leaving the pub and were walking down the street. There were all sort of little shops that sold souvenirs and vases and fresh flowers. Arthur shrugged as they walked, and Merlin frowned. He knew Arthur was going to go, he wouldn't pass up a party, and Merlin found that rather annoying, because he hadn't flown all this way, to sit in a hotel room and wonder what he was doing. And maybe he shouldn't be too concerned about it, he really wished he wasn't, but he was and there was very little he could do about it at this point.

"You know, you don't have to give me that look," said Arthur, as he paused, because Morgana had just walked into a shop without telling them, she started looking at a scarf and the two boys waited outside. neither interested in scarves. "You can just come with me..?"

"Oh, so you can run off with _Pablo_ and I can sit around alone again?" retorted Merlin. "Sounds like a laugh..."

"I don't give a shit about Pablo...I just wanted to go to see what it was like," said Arthur. Merlin did not believe him in the slightest. "Don't give me _that_ look either, I'm not lying!"

Merlin huffed, he turned away from him, just because apparently, Arthur had learned to read Merlin's faces, and he didn't want to give away anything else. His father had been able to read him that easy too. Maybe Merlin just needed to learn to control himself better. "Whatever you say..."

"Wow...alright," said Arthur, but before anything else could be said, Morgana walked out, wearing the new black and purple scarf she had just bought. "Morgana, are you going to go to that party with me tonight?"

"Yes, but only because I want to see what it's like..."she said, seriously. "I have no interest in being around drunk morons, I want the culture."

Arthur smirked in Merlin's direction, very smugly. "Well...it looks like you're out numbered, Mate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: This was another kind of short chapter, sorry about that, but the next few will be longer! Enjoy!)


	22. Chapter 22

There was loud music playing, from where, Merlin was not sure, perhaps from opened doors of homes and pubs and places that normally filled the street. Now, the street was covered in tents that had little tables of food and places to sit around them. Flashing, colored lights danced on walls and the ground, on buildings and into windows. It was a real party, and Merlin felt a little uncomfortable. Not only did most of the guests not speak English, but the last party Merlin had been to hadn't ended so great. The three entered the crowd, getting separated and then found each other three different times. Once by a waiter, serving plates of food to dancers, once by dancers themselves, who were too busy feeling the music to move out of the way, and the third time by a fighting couple, of which the woman in the couple slapped the man. Morgana watched on pleased at this, that's how they lost her for the third time, before finding her again.

"Right, well...this is fun," said Arthur, as they had reached the other side of the street. Morgana seemed to have gotten distracted by a group of people, who looked like they were meant to be in a fashion show, not at a street party. Their makeup and hair were done up, even the men, and they all wore matching black clothing.

"I'll be back in a little while," said Morgana, and walked off. Merlin watched her go, walking over to this group of people. They seemed to be suspicious of her at first, but then she said something sassy, Merlin could tell by the way she moved her hands, and then they all nodded their heads and she sat down at their table. Merlin looked back at Arthur. and he had been staring in the same direction as he was. When he noticed Merlin had looked over at him, he looked over too and their eyes met for a moment.

"Drink..?" a man stood there, in his hands, was a trey of long, tube shaped glasses, filled with a red-ish, orange liquid. Arthur took one, so Merlin did too. Arthur glared at him.

"Is it alcoholic?" he asked the man.

"Si," the man nodded and Arthur reached over and took the glass from Merlin's hand.

"Not for you then," said Arthur, as the man, who clearly didn't want to be in the middle of this, walked off.

"Hey!" retorted Merlin, lamely, as Arthur downed his glass and tried to drink Merlin's too. But Merlin took it back before he could put his lips on it.

"Merlin," said Arthur, darkly. "After last time, you're seriously going to even consider drinking...?"

"Listen, I never said anything about that!" retorted Merlin. If he was going to be forced to be at this party, he was going to at least do what he wanted.

"Oh, that's why you didn't talk to me for a week after!" retorted Arthur back. Merlin frowned and instead of replying, he just started drinking the drink. It tasted a bit like orange juice, that had floor cleaner in it...it wasn't good, but Merlin was going to drink it anyway. "Fine...okay, _fine_!" Arthur said, trying, apparently, to sound like he was in charge of this situation, yet he was definitely not. "But you can only have two drinks, okay?"

"Okay," Merlin shrugged. "Until you find Pablo and ditch me and then I'll just do what I want..."

"I'm not going to ditch you, Merlin," Arthur sighed. "Jesus Christ."

They traveled deeper into the street, finding another man with a trey of drinks. These were pink, and kind of tasted like flowers They also found tables filled with foods, like cheeses and cold meats and olive plates. Arthur loaded up, and Merlin just stood there, taking another pink drink from a passing man and sipped it. He was starting to feel it, that numb feeling he had felt before, when he had tried Pot, but that one came on faster, this one started much slower. He hadn't even noticed it at first.

"Oh, Arthur!" said a voice behind them, and Arthur, full plate of cold-cuts, turned around, so did Merlin, to see Pablo there. "You made it, prefect." The man wasn't dressed in party clothes, but waiter clothes, he too, carried a a trey of drinks. These ones, clear. Merlin decided to reach over and take one, as they spoke. Arthur gave him a dirty look, as he did.

"I did, yeah," said Arthur, eyes going from Merlin, who was now drinking the drink very openly. This one burned his throat, it was very strong, he could tell it was going to pack a punch later. There was an awkward sort of look between the two and then Pablo just walked off, without saying anything else. Arthur turned back to Merlin. "Excuse me...did I not say _only two_?"

"Did you? I can't remember that..." said Merlin. He felt like his speech was slower and his reacting time, too. He tested this by trying to blink quickly, but it felt like it was taking awhile.

"Merlin..."

"Who cares, Arthur?" Merlin figured this; He had always been good, he was a good kid for his dad and he tried to be one for his mother, too, but she didn't respect him enough to see it and did nothing but put him down all the time, so why should he be good? Why should he not experience life? At least here, in another place so far away from his real life. For once, he was not going to be the wet blanket.

"I never thought you were a wet blanket..."

"Did I say that out loud?" asked Merlin and Arthur's eyes widened a little.

"Holy shit..." he rolled his eyes now, and sighed. "Let's go sit, eh?"

Merlin agreed and followed Arthur over to a blue sofa, half under a tent and half not. They sat down and Arthur ate his cold meats and cheeses, Merlin watched him, but he was very bored now. What he really wanted right now was another one of those clear drinks. He watched as a waiter passed and he sighed, longingly. He jumped up, as another one came around and this girl, she seemed to notice him and walked over. She smiled very sweetly at him, and blushed when he smiled back, but he didn't pay her no mind, not really. He just took two drinks and went back to sit down.

He offered one to Arthur, who took it. "She thought you were cute."

"She's dumb then!" retorted Merlin, as he sucked at the orange drink in his glass.

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know-hmmm..." Merlin said, and then started laughing at himself for sounding dumb. He finished the drink and licked his teeth, annoyed and bored again. "I want to dance!"

"Oh...for god sake..." said Arthur. "You're completely pissed off your ass, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes..."

"Don't look in meh eyes, ya weirdo!"

"And now you're talking more Irish!"

"Sh...no, don't talk about me!" Arthur shook his head at this, and finished the drink Merlin had brought him. "Sorry you're not havin' as much fun with me as you would be with Pablo or the girl in the shed..."

"There was no girl in the shed!" said Arthur, tiredly. "And I'm not interested in Pablo."

"Would you be interested in Pablo if I wasn't here?"

Arthur paused for a long time and said, "Probably..." Merlin frowned, he didn't know what that meant, even though he had asked the question. "You don't have to be sorry about it, there's a million Pablo's out there."

"I'm not sorry," said Merlin, quickly, and Arthur raised an eyebrow at this. "I just want to dance...dance with me!"

"No...I'm not drunk enough for that," said Arthur, Merlin frowned again. "Dance yourself!"

"Fine!" Merlin stood up and moved away from Arthur and the sofa a bit. He closed his eyes and let the Spanish music consume him. "I could dance like this..." his arms floated in front of himself and he moved them around. He made sure he kept his eyes closed, because, for some reason, he didn't want to see Arthur. He could hear him laughing, though.

"You look like a zombie..."

"I could try this," Merlin let his arms fall and instead started shaking his hips. He kept doing that for a long time, not opening his eyes just in case, because he was worried about what he would see, maybe people were watching him, he hoped Arthur had stopped. He finally grew tired after awhile and stopped. He opened his eyes to see Arthur still watching him.

"All out of your system now...?"

Merlin laughed, because it was kind of funny, and he plopped back down on the sofa. He was very tired. "Mmm...," he mumbled, eyes becoming droopy. "I want to take a nap..."

"Let me find Morgana and we can leave, okay?"

"You don't wanna stay and say goodbye to Pablo...?"

"No, shut up..." retorted Arthur, as he stood up. "Wait here."

And Merlin did, he waited...he thinks, because as soon as Arthur walked away, everything became very dark. Black, everything was black actually, he didn't know what was happening, but he felt like he was moving, spinning...still dancing maybe. But no, he couldn't be dancing, because he was laying down, on his back...but the world moved, it swirled around him.

When Merlin opened his eyes again, the first thing he noticed was the horrible feeling in his stomach, the second was that he was no longer on a sofa in the nighttime sky, but in a dark hotel room. He bolted up, and just started screaming, just straight out screaming. What was happening to him? Where was he? Had someone kidnapped him while Arthur left to get Morgana? A light quickly came on and from across the room, there was Arthur, on the sofa...in their own hotel room.

"Merlin!" shouted Arthur, but he had stopped screaming by now. Arthur was crossing the room to get to the bed. Merlin looked around, and didn't see Morgana anywhere though. "Are you okay? Why are you screaming?"

Merlin couldn't quite think straight, and the pain in his stomach was getting worse, much, much worse... he was tying to ask Arthur where Morgana was, but every time he tried this, he felt something in his throat. He clutched his belly and tried to swallow hard.

"No...no, no, here!" said Arthur, quickly, leaning down and picking up something off the floor. It was the rubbish bin, he trusted it into Merlin's hand. "Not on the bed, Morgana will have our heads." Merlin got sick very quickly after that, and when he was done and feeling even worse, Arthur sat down on the bed beside him and patted him on the back. "Welcome to the hangover, Mate..."

Merlin shook his head, which was starting to hurt quite a lot and he struggled to speak. "Where...where is she?" he got out and Arthur gave him a strange look. "Morgana...?"

"She's still at the party, she didn't want to come back, so I left her."

"You abandoned her there?!" Merlin shouted, but felt something push at the back of his throat again, he tried to ignore this. "We have to go get her!" he made to stand up and Arthur grabbed his arm and pulled him back. " _LEGOOfME!_ "

"Merlin, she's a big girl, she can handle herself, what you need to do right now is rest." Merlin frowned and sat back down on the bed. Arthur started rubbing his back again, when Merlin whined from the pain in his stomach. "It sucks...I know."

It was quite nice, not the feeling in his stomach, or head, but any means, but Arthur's gentle pats on his back, it was soothing and he quickly found his eyes drifting open and closed. Once Arthur had noticed this, he took the bin from Merlin's hands and placed it on the floor next to the bed, in a place he knew Merlin could see it. Merlin fell back into the bed again and Arthur made to leave the area, but Merlin reached up and grabbed his arm, before he could go.

"Don't leave..."

"I'm just going over there," Arthur pointed to the sofa.

"Don't leave!" Merlin shook his head. Arthur listened, he got back on the bed and sat there, looking at Merlin. Merlin rolled over onto his back, it felt like a brick was in his stomach. He made a face, and grumbled a little. And at that moment his head pounded so hard it felt like he got punched in the face. "My head..." he whispered. "Arthur...rub my head, I don't think I can."

"Wow...you're so needy," whispered Arthur, Merlin heard him, he just chose to ignore it. Arthur leaned forward anyway, and used a thumb and middle finger to make small circles into Merlin's forehead. Merlin sighed, in almost relief, but it still hurt a bit. "Better?"

"No," mumbled Merlin. "I'm dying..."

"You're not dying..." said Arthur, he could tell, even though he wasn't looking, that Arthur was smirking. "You should've listened to me when I said only two drinks."

"Well, I'm so sorry, dad."

"Shut the fuck up," said Arthur, in a stern sort of way, kind of like Uther. But he didn't stop rubbing his head, so Merlin continued talking.

"I was just trying to experiment, that's what teenagers do, right?"

"It's like I'm a bad influence on you or something, I think..."

"You are," Merlin nodded, which made Arthur's hand slip into his hair, which he quite liked that too, so it was okay. "But for other reasons..."

"Meaning what?" asked Arthur, but Merlin didn't answer. " _Merlin_..."

"I'm sorry...are we still supposed to be talking?" retorted Merlin. "I thought I was dying over here."

"You're an utter bastard..."

"Hmm...true. My parents were never married, so I _am_ a bastard."

Arthur laughed and fell deeper into the bed, so that he was mostly laying down, the only part of him still up right was his head, supported by his arm and hand, the other hand's fingers were still running through Merlin's hair. This made it, so he was pretty much leaning Over Merlin. Which meant they were very close. Merlin's eyes opened to look over at him and he grinned a little.

"If I die right now I want you to have my guitar," he told him, semi-seriously, Arthur smiled, and looked over Merlin's face for a long moment.

"I'd hope so, as I gave it to you. But what about the dog? I gave you him too, mind..."

"Oh, Dragoon goes to Morgana, sorry..." said Merlin, biting on his lip, because he just couldn't _not_ look at Arthur, he was so close and perfect; He was just perfect to look at, his eyes were so blue, brighter and lighter than Merlin's own blue ones, and his lips were nice and his jawline...

Merlin felt his heart racing and his body grow hotter and hotter, and he thought, for a second, it was because of Arthur and it might have been, at least a little bit, but then he felt a jolt in his stomach so fierce he nearly head-butted Arthur to get to the bin on the floor in time. He felt terrible, just simply terrible, his stomach turned and turned and he feared moving away from the bin at all, just in case.

There was a bang and a chain being moved, and then suddenly Morgana was standing at the end of the bed, looking at Merlin with concern. "Morgana, do you know what time it is?" complained Arthur. "It's after four in the morning and you're only getting back now?"

"Oh, _please_..." she retorted, still looking at Merlin. "What's the matter with him?"

"Hangover," said Arthur, simply. Morgana sighed and headed over to the sofa. Merlin felt another jolt and started getting sick in the bin once again. "Oh my god...I can't listen to the sound of him barfing all night."

" _Morning._..I think you mean," said Arthur, darkly.

"I'm going to sleep in the lobby..."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I know I haven't been updating this story as much, no real reason for that, I've just been focused on another story I'm working on. So, where I would post this story two times a week, it will probably be only one time a week, for awhile. I hope that is okay!!)

Merlin woke up several hours later, headache still very much present, but the brick in his stomach had mostly vanished now. He had gotten rid of most of it in the bin over the course of the night. He had woken up facing the wall, rather than the rest of the room, his hand out reached toward the floor, just in case he had to make another grab for the bin. He also noticed an arm around his waist and a strong presence behind him. He rolled over and faced Arthur, who lay sleeping, snoring slightly, with his mouth hung open. Merlin wasn't sure exactly how it happened, or when...if it was last night or sometime before that and he only just realized it now, but he had come to a realization, that he was totally and completely in love with Arthur. How could someone go from just thinking they liked someone to thinking they were in love with them so fast? Merlin wasn't sure, and maybe he was just being a stupid teenager, how was he supposed to know what being in love felt like? But even if it wasn't love, that's what it felt like at the moment...

There was suddenly a knock on the door and Arthur jerked awake, Merlin quickly shut his eyes, not to be caught staring, as Arthur staggered out of the bed. He must be tired, he hadn't barely gotten any sleep, having been up with Merlin for most of the night. He walked over to the door and pulled it open.

"Hello... _sir,_ " said a man at the door. "There is a girl down in the lobby who claims she stays in this room?"

"Uh...yeah, that's my sister," said Arthur.

"Can you come and get her, please?" the man asked. "She is scaring the guests..."

"Sure, uh...let me get changed." The man left and Arthur shut the door, by the time he walked back into the main part of the room, Merlin had re-opened his eyes. He noticed Merlin was awake and smiled at him, as he went over to his bag and pulled out a blue shirt, changing into it from the red one he had on. "How do you feel?" Merlin shrugged. "Good enough to walk around?"

"Mmm...maybe," said Merlin. He would force himself anyway, because he still wanted to see things, there was a lot more holiday to be had.

"I'm going down to get Morgana before she gets us thrown out of the hotel, get ready while I'm gone."

Merlin did so, he got a shower real quick and got dressed, which took about twenty minutes, but it was still another twenty minutes before Arthur and Morgana had returned. When they did get back they were arguing again. Merlin chose to ignore that, and let them. They got a Uber to a market, where instead of a proper breakfast, or more like lunch, as it was nearly noon by the time they left the hotel, they got sweets. The market they went to was huge, it had all kinds of meats and pastries and fruits and vegetables. Tables full of handmaid trinkets and gadgets.

"Do you think dad would like this?" Arthur showed Merlin a hand carved, wooden wine opener and Merlin shrugged. He wasn't sure. Arthur put it back and they continued down the long isles of tables of things for sale. "WHOA!" he then said, suddenly, grabbing Merlin by the hand and dragging him to the other side of the room, where a few extra tables were. "Look at this," he held up a cherry wood, carved dragon. "That's sexy as shit..."

Merlin laughed. "Uther would like that...I'm sure."

"Yeah," Arthur looked up and smiled at Merlin. "Don't reckon I can get it on the plane though."

"You can just leave me and he'll take my seat," said Merlin, as they started walking back the other way now. "I'll just go live with Pablo..."

"Fuck you..." Arthur paused again, at a table and picked up a straw hat and put it on Merlin's head. "There, that's what I picture when you talk about taking care of your goats and chickens."

"That's Farmerist..."

Arthur laughed, as Merlin took the hat off and put it back down on the table. They carried on walking. At some point, a long while ago, they had lost Morgana, but neither of them mentioned it. They entered the room with all the food in it again. This place had so many rooms of different things to buy, and they had only looked at less than half of it, but all the food smelled so good, it was hard not to go back. They had hot foods, cold foods, of course dessert, and all around there were tables to sit and eat at. Merlin found it kind of hard to stop looking at all the cakes, he had already eaten, but...

"Get something, if you want it," said Arthur, from behind him. "Stop standing their drooling like a prat."

So, Merlin did, he got the biggest piece of cake the very nice, Spanish lady had, and walked over to a small table by a window to eat it. Arthur followed behind, not having gotten anything himself, but it was probably best not to lose another member of the party. They sat and while Merlin ate, slowly, savoring every bite, he looked out of the window, at the sunny day. When he looked back Arthur was watching him.

"What?" he asked. Arthur shrugged.

"You could share, you know..."

"You didn't ask me..."

"I didn't think I had to, sharing is caring, Merlin."

An hour or so later, after spending more money on different types of dessert, Morgana finally found them, carrying her own bag of things she bought. She told them she wanted to go see a Gothic Church one of the people selling stuff had told her about, and a few other places nearby.

"When I get married...I want to get married in a Gothic Church," said Morgana, as they walked down the cobblestone street.

"I thought You didn't believe in marriage?" offered Arthur, with a raised eyebrow. Morgana glared at him.

"I don't...but if I did, I would get married there."

It was quite a beautiful church, not scary Gothic at all, more like old Gothic, with dark stone, stain glass windows, and large statues, which...alright, were a little spooky, but also kind of cool looking. They grabbed dinner at the restaurant inside the hotel and then headed up for the room, they were leaving the next morning, so they had to get a good night sleep. Anything would be better than the sleep Merlin had had the night before. He hadn't felt sick at all, even after eating so many sweets, and his headache was long gone, he hadn't even noticed when it had actually disappeared. Morgana insisted, that since the boys had the bed the night before, due to Merlin's hangover or not, she would get it tonight, and they would have to figure out which one of them would sleep on the floor and the other on the sofa. Arthur, nor Merlin, wanted to argue with her, so they agreed, and Merlin insisted on taking the floor, because he was so tired anyway, it really didn't matter where he slept.

Arthur had even helped him set up a little nest of blankets on the floor, in front of the sofa, and before long all the lights were out, and Arthur lay on the sofa above him and Merlin lay on the floor. He had been so tired before, exhausted in fact, but now that the time had come to sleep...he didn't feel tired anymore.

It wasn't that he was uncomfortable, he liked his little bed of blankets, it was more his brain wouldn't shut off. He just kept thinking...thinking about Arthur, and maybe he shouldn't, but he was only just right there...in reaching distance if Merlin really wanted to, and he just kept thinking...once they went back home, Arthur had only a few days left until he went back to Uni and it would be another few months before Merlin saw him again, and he didn't want him to go, he liked when he was there. He didn't feel like this visit he got very much time with him, even though they had literally just spent the last twenty four hours in each others presence, it didn't feel like enough. Merlin had been avoiding him for so long before the trip, and now he had wished he hadn't done that...

"Merlin...?" said a voice, in a whisper, and it startled Merlin out of his thoughts, had he been thinking out loud? He swallowed hard and didn't say anything. "Merlin, are you awake?"

"Um...no?" he offered back. There was a hand reaching out in front of him, he could just barely see it in the dark, and then said hand slapped him right in the face. " Ouch!"

"I can't sleep on this damn thing!" said Arthur. "My lags are too long, let's switch."

"No way," said Merlin, from the floor. "I'm happy here, thanks."

"Merlin, you're shorter than me!"

"Not really anymore!" retorted Merlin back, eyes narrowing into the darkness, even though he knew Arthur couldn't see it.

"Fine...then move over, Mate, because I'm comin' down!" Merlin moved over a few inches in his bed of blankets, but not far enough, because when Arthur rolled onto the floor, he fell right onto Merlin's arm and crushed it. But he did not move, or make to let Merlin get his arm back. " _Ahh_...much better."

"You're fat arse is crushing me..." complained Merlin, in a loud whisper, because he didn't want to wake up Morgana. "You're on my arm...!"

"Oh, is _that_ what that is?" retorted Arthur, yet...still, did not move. "I thought you were just happy to see me..."

"What does that even mean?!"

"You are too young to understand, Young Padawan," said Arthur, but moved, finally, a little, so Merlin could pull back his arm, he did so, but did not move over anymore. If he did, he would be off his blanket nest, and he'd rather not be on the cold floor. "You are much too young to learn about _the sex_..."

"About the what?" said Merlin, he rolled over, very close to Arthur, indeed, whose eyes he couldn't see, but he could make out his face. "I've literally listened to you go on about all your whores."

" _Whores_?" said Arthur, Merlin felt his ribs being poked and pushed Arthur's hand away, but he just came back and poked him harder. "I do not have whores...that would be my father."

"Well...the Arthur doesn't fall far from the giant Uther tree, I assume."

"Whoa, there... _boy_ , I'm going to mess you up, if you don't stop talking like that," warned Arthur, and Merlin wasn't entirely sure if he was kidding or not, he supposed he had been a little rude, but then again Arthur did roll on him, insult him and over all be a prat, so Merlin figured he had a right to do as he pleased.

"Go 'head, I dare you..."

So, Arthur dared, he rolled right on top of Merlin, crushing him, as he was much heavier. He pinned Merlin's arms above his head with his hands and his legs down with his knees. He leaned down, and his face came within less than an inch from Merlin's ear. _"You know I love a challenge, Merlin,"_ he whispered, and the air in Merlin's lungs suddenly hitched and got stuck there, he couldn't breathe for a full two seconds. Merlin wasn't sure what to do, or say...or how to react to this, but knew without doubt, he didn't want it to end there, he wanted to see where it would go, or what it was even...because he really didn't know.

"Yeah?" he retorted, literally breathlessly. "What are you going to do to me...?"

"Hmm...child, you should be more careful with your words," he said, a little louder than a whisper now, but still very closely to Merlin's ear. "Before they're taken out of context..."

"What if I don't want to be careful...?"

There was a long pause there, where Arthur was just kind of there and so was he, and everything was frozen, and it couldn't have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like much longer, and then...there was a loud voice yelling from behind them. "CAN YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

And instantly, like a switch of a light on and off, Arthur rolled off of him, and said nothing else, though, still stayed on the floor next to him. Merlin was left even less tired than before and wondering...what exactly that was, what did that mean? Arthur didn't obviously feel the same way about him, as Merlin did, so...clearly he had other intent, but it just felt like...at least for a moment, like _something_ was happening there. Merlin supposed, after a long time of just laying there awake, he would never know for sure...


	24. Chapter 24

It was now July, summer had come up on Merlin quite quickly, he had to focus quite a lot on his school work toward the end of the school year, as he never exactly failed, but his marks weren't the best. This meant writing the song for Uther and Hunith's wedding had taken quite the backseat, much to Hunith's delight, she still didn't want him to sing, but he refused to give up. It was true there was only two weeks left, until the wedding, and he had still not chosen the two songs he wanted to show her yet, but he had written a lot more lately, and now all he had to do was just pick the two he liked the most, to show her. He was doing this, late in the afternoon, in his room, even though he was supposed to be cleaning out the garage for Uther, so said Hunith who told him to, but it could be done later. Instead, he read through his own song lyrics.

_"I get so lost inside your eyes, would you believe it..."_

It wasn't exactly what he wanted to show his mother. he wanted one upbeat song and one slower song, so that way, all bases were covered and she couldn't get out of letting him do it. Suddenly his door burst open, and Merlin jumped, thinking it was his mother to come and yell at him for not doing what she had told him, but instead, it was Arthur. Arthur had arrived back from Uni that morning, Merlin was doing his best to not focus on spending time with him and doing this instead. Apparently Arthur was not getting that memo though. He walked in, and Merlin noticed he looked a little off.

"What's the matter?" he asked, putting the papers his songs were written on, back into one stack and in the blue folder he had for them. Arthur came and sat on the bed.

"Dad's just asked me to be his best man..."

Merlin looked at him, for a long time, mostly just because he liked to, and then shrugged. "Mum asked Morgana to be her maid of honor."

Arthur's face scrunched up. "What'd she say to that?"

"Well...no," Merlin smirked. "But then yes, after awhile, and a talk with Uther."

"He probably paid her," Arthur rolled his eyes and fell forward onto Merlin's bed. So, it seemed he planed on staying awhile. "It must suck...not having any real friends, because you're fake."

"I mean, yeah...it does," retorted Merlin, grinning. "I wouldn't say I'm fake, but..."

Arthur rolled over and glared at him. "Shut the fuck up...you know I mean them."

"Did you say yes..." asked Merlin then. "To his proposal?"

"Yeah... what else was I supposed to say?" said Arthur, sighing deeply now and closing his eyes, laying flat on his back in Merlin's bed. "What are you doing then? If me and Morgana are in it."

"Um...nothing, I guess, they didn't ask me to do anything," said Merlin, he wasn't very bothered by that, but Arthur peeked his eyes open and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I don't mind...and I am supposed to sing, so maybe that's why they didn't ask..."

But Merlin knew that wasn't true, and that if it was up to his mother he wouldn't be singing either. "Oh yes, you're singing," smirked Arthur. "Do I get a sneak peek?"

Merlin shook his head. "Nope...you'll have to wait for the wedding. The only one who gets to hear me is Mum, as she has to approve it."

Arthur pouted. "Aw...can't I listen in, with Hunith?"

Merlin smiled, but not because Arthur was at all convincing, it was more like he was very cute and it was annoying. So, maybe he _was_ convincing. "Uh...fine, you can, but I had wanted everyone to see me there...with the band, in a suit...the whole lot."

"I'll pretend I never heard you then, so I can be surprised," said Arthur, and Merlin rolled his eyes. "I do have to say...I'm still surprised you wanna do this, the boy who I first met and asked me to teach him piano would've never done that."

"Oh, that boy's still there, I...I'm just trying to shut him up for once," said Merlin and Arthur rolled back over, onto his stomach, and propped up on his arms to look up at Merlin and smile knowingly at him. "What?"

"I didn't say anything..." grinned Arthur.

"No, you're canary lips are though..."

"Excuse me? My what lips?" retorted Arthur, touching his mouth. "Don't look at my lips, son..."

"No one wants to look at your lips, Arthur..."

"I reject that, I think they do..." When Merlin did not react to this, Arthur, clearly bored by that, reached out and tried picking up Merlin's folder of songs, he snatched it out of Arthur's hands, before he could open it.

" _Ah_...no, my eyes only!"

"I just wanted to see...aw, _come on!"_

"No!" retorted Merlin, gripping the book to his chest. Arthur sat up and smirked darkly.

"What, are you writing songs about me," he teased. "And don't want me to see them?"

"Yes," nodded Merlin. "That's exactly right." Of course, it _was_ exactly right, but Arthur didn't need to know that. "It's called, This Big Ass Prat Won't Leave Me Alone...by Merlin Embers."

Arthur looked offended for several seconds, and then laughed. "Fuck you..."

Dinner was soon done after that, and the two went down stairs to eat. Hunith didn't ask Merlin about the garage and Merlin didn't mention it, and instead of helping clean up after dinner, Merlin continued to sit at the table and picked up his buzzing phone from his pocket. The text was from Gwen.

**Gwen:** _Did you ask your parents if I can come to the wedding yet?_

No, Merlin had not. He hadn't really wanted to, not that he minded Gwen being there exactly, even though she had never came over to their house, or even wanted to, it was more of a _why did she want to come?_ Rather than a _not wanting her there_. He waited for his mother to walk back into the room, before he opened his mouth.

"We're allowed to bring dates to the wedding, right?" he asked, suddenly, which made every single person stop what they were doing, which for Morgana was playing on her phone, Hunith doing the cleaning, and for both Uther and Arthur, eating their second plates. They just looked at him, like he was crazy. "Just because...I kinda wanted to bring this girl, Gwen, from school..."

Hunith scoffed at this. "No, there are no dates allowed!"

"Oh...I just thought, the invitations said a plus one, and..."

"Yes, if you _had_ gotten an invitation, but you didn't, and if you had told us three months ago..." retorted Hunith. "No, you think this is some party for you? This is _our_ wedding." She put a hand on Uther's shoulder and looked like she might cry, at least she was really trying to. "You have some nerve..."

"Now, come on, Hunith," said Uther, instead of looking annoyed, like Merlin thought he would, he actually looked quite pleased at Merlin. "The boy has taken interest in a girl, _at least_...we shouldn't try to snuff out young loves flame..."

"You want to let him?" seethed Hunith. "He's turning our wedding into a... _a love game_!"

"Merlin, it's a yes...tell the girl she is more than welcome to come to the wedding," said Uther, grinning over at Merlin, and really...they got this all wrong, but he wasn't going to argue about it at all. Hunith finally began crying and Uther sighed. "We have more than enough room for her, Hunith. Let the boy grow up!"

"He doesn't deserve it," she complained, covering her face with her hands, everyone just watched her, not really very bothered, unlike she was. "He has done nothing to help with this wedding..."

"He shouldn't have to, he's not the one getting married...we are."

And that seemed to do it, pushed Hunith over the edge and she stormed out of the room, crying, clearly choking from forcing herself to wail, as she went. "Uh...here we go again," said Uther, as he threw his used napkin onto the table, and followed after his soon-to-be wife. "Hunith, now come on...you're being-"

But what she was being was cut off, as Uther had followed her up the stairs and out of ear shot. The three, Merlin, Arthur and Morgana, still sat there. Merlin picked up his phone again and texted Gwen.

**Merlin:** _They said yes!_

"Merlin," said Arthur now, and Merlin looked up from his phone, the two still just stared at him. "I hate to be the one to break this to you...but you're gay as shit, what _are_ you doing?"

"Um...I never said that, you shouldn't assume things," said Merlin, plainly, even though he had, at one point, in fact told Arthur he had fancied a boy once, meaning Will. But Arthur was Bi, so he should know not to put labels on things. "And I had never meant I wanted to take Gwen as a romantic date...she just wanted to come."

"Gwen..." said Morgana. "Isn't that the whore girl from your school you told me about?"

Merlin nodded. "Well...yes, but I didn't want to tell her no...she doesn't take no well."

"Oh well..." said Morgana, smirking. "But, saying no is such fun."

Arthur sighed now, deeply. "Great...she's probably going to try sleeping with dad during this thing. Can't wait to see how that goes."

"She's not going to do anything," said Merlin, a little offended, though he himself never put Gwen in very good lighting. "She just wanted to come because she's never been to a wedding before."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Sorry it's been a bit since I updated, it's almost over though, I mean...not yet, but the wedding is coming and I'm excited for you all to read it!!)


	25. Chapter 25

There was a knock at the front door, Merlin heard it from the sitting room, where he lay on the sofa. rewriting a line or two, of the two songs he had chosen to show his mother, who was still very cross with him over the date thing. But he knew he had to get this over with, and today...today was going to be the day.

"Boys?" he heard from the foyer, and he knew he was one part of _'Boys_ ,' so he got up and headed out of the room. When he entered the foyer, there was a large brown box sitting on the ground at his mother's feet and Arthur was coming down the stairs, the other part of _'Boys.'_ "Your suits just come in..."

"Oh...joy," said Arthur, as he walked nearer and met Merlin in front of Hunith. Hunith payed him no mind, instead chose to lean down and open the box. She pulled out a sharp, black dress coat, in a plastic casing, and handed it to Arthur.

"I know we didn't have any time to do a proper fitting, but the measurements your father gave me should be good," she told him, he shrugged and took the suit coat she offered. She continued to rummage through the box until she found the trousers that matched and offered them to Arthur, as well. "And Merlin..." she said his name with much more dislike, he chose to ignore that, but Arthur's eyes narrowed a bit, as she spoke. "I didn't think it was necessary to get you a new suit, so I had one of Arthur's old ones resized...I hope you don't mind, Arthur," she flashed him a kind smile and thrust something into Merlin's hands. It was a suit, slightly less black than Arthur's, but still nice enough to suit Merlin just fine. He wasn't a dressy person.

"I don't care," said Arthur, but his voice said he sort of did, but clearly not for the suit. "Why wouldn't you buy him a new one?" he demanded. "What if dad has an event? He does, sometimes...Merlin will need to dress for that."

"He can wear this one, it looks fine enough," said Hunith, seeming to finally notice Arthur's distaste in this idea. "It's not very important for Merlin to have a suit. He doesn't need to go to those events, if Uther needs someone there, you most likely will go."

Arthur frowned, "Whatever..."

Merlin didn't know if he agreed with Arthur, he supposed he did, it was quite rude that she didn't get him a suit of his own, but right now he wanted to focus on the song, and if she was already in a bad mood, she would never agree to hear them. Hunith picked up the box off the ground and started heading for the stairs, and Merlin wanted to stop her, but when he called out her name...well, _Mum_ , she didn't answer, completely ignored him, and continued up the stairs. Merlin sighed.

"I just wanted to sing her the god damn songs..."

"Merlin," said Arthur, seriously. "You need to stop letting her treat you this way...because if you don't, I'm going to punch her in the face and then I'll go to prison and ruin my Footie career..."

"What am I supposed to say?" asked Merlin, in return, he didn't know what Arthur wanted, no matter what he did Hunith still acted like he was a burden on her life. He could do great in school and act like the shy little boy he once was, or still was sometimes, and she would still act the same. "Nothing I do will change her, I don't care enough to..."

"My mother wouldn't have acted this way," said Arthur. "She loved me, she wouldn't have treated me like that...that's not love."

"Neither would my dad," retorted Merlin, annoyed with Arthur, which he didn't like being at all. He never wanted to be annoyed with Arthur, ever, but it did happen sometimes. "But you know what your mum and my dad have in common? They're both dead, so...it doesn't matter what they would've done, they're not here to do it."

And Merlin walked off, into the kitchen, because now that he couldn't play the songs for his mother, he needed to make Morgana cupcakes, as Hunith was clearly too busy with wedding thoughts to care about anything else, and Morgana had requested this, as her birthday was the following day. Morgana wasn't home right now, she had gone out with a friend, which Merlin didn't know she really had, because she never mentioned them, and he was going to wait for her to get home and have her help, but he needed to get his mind off of things...and what better thing to do than bake?

Merlin made the cupcakes completely by himself and by scratch. Vanilla cupcakes, made with only egg whites so the white cake and chocolate frosting would make a balance, of light and dark, which reminded him a lot of Morgana, for some reason. While the cupcakes cooled on a rack, Merlin made the chocolate frosting from scratch, too. Merlin had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, but he was beginning to think baking could be an option...he was really quite good at it. Arthur came in, around the time Merlin started piling the frosting into a decorating bag, Merlin didn't say anything, because he really didn't know what to say, it wasn't as if he was really mad at Arthur or anything. If anything, Arthur just wanted what was best for Merlin, and he understood that, it was just he couldn't do anything about it, and he just rather not deal with it.

"I didn't mean to piss you off," said Arthur, from behind him, he had been in the fridge, and obviously that had just been an excuse to come in the room, as he shut the fridge door as soon as he had opened it. "I don't like when you don't talk to me..."

"I'm not _not_ talking to you," said Merlin, but he didn't turn around. "I just don't know what you want me to do...I can't change her."

"I know," said Arthur, softly. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to shank her." Merlin bit his lip, trying not to smile, maybe not at what he said, but the tone of his voice...it was very nice. "You deserve so much better than that, and I'm sorry if I want you to have it. But if you don't want to deal with it, I'll leave it alone."

"Yes, leave it alone," said Merlin, sealing the decorating bag with a loose knot and turned around to face Arthur at last, he was frowning. "And don't look so sad, I'm fine, really..."

"Liar," retorted Arthur, but he moved nearer to Merlin and made a face, Merlin really didn't know what it meant exactly, and Arthur looked into his eyes. "You don't hate me...I can tell."

Merlin laughed, despite not wanting to, and shook his head. "I never said I did..."

"You better not," retorted Arthur, leaning forward and around him, sticking his fingers into the bowl of chocolate frosting. He stuck one into his mouth and Merlin glared at him. "Sorry... _taste testing_."

Merlin pushed him out of the way and made his way over to the rack of cooled cupcakes. He frosted each one, perfectly, with the same amount of frosting on each, and all designed the same exact way. He was so into this, he had forgotten...well, no, not forgotten he was there, just very heavily ignoring the fact that Arthur was there, eating all of his frosting. Arthur was very, very distracting. This was the man, after all, who had ruined Merlin's schooling completely. Because if he wasn't Face-Timing him all hours of the night, because he was a push over and a needy bitch, who just wanted to look at Arthur sometimes, if it wasn't that...then he was home and just bringing all sorts of chaotic feelings upon Merlin that he really wished he didn't feel...of course he had no idea of any of this, and Merlin planned on keeping it that way, but still.

He very much noticed Arthur's presence behind him, once again, and he was nearly done with the cupcakes now, and he didn't want to get distracted, but it seemed Arthur didn't care, because he literally leaned his chin upon Merlin's shoulder and watched him for a whole thirty seconds, before that became too much for Merlin to bear and he elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ow!" complained Arthur. "Asshole...what was that for?"

"Bothering me!" retorted Merlin, he looked over at him, and rolled his eyes deeply. Arthur had the bowl of frosting in his hands still and had eaten more of it than he probably should have. And this man was supposed to be an adult? Or at least more of an adult than him...? "You have chocolate on your face..."

"Oh?" retorted Arthur, and like a flash, took a finger full of chocolate and wiped it across Merlin's cheek. "So do you!"

"Are you three?!" demanded Merlin, dropping the cupcake he was holding and turning toward Arthur. Arthur smiled at him, almost evilly, and shrugged.

"Three and a half, actually..."

Merlin, despite his better judgment and knowing that he shouldn't, took the spoon from in the bowl Arthur was holding and flicked it right onto Arthur's nose. "There!" Arthur's mouth fell open, for only a second or two, before he grinned and dipped his entire hand into the frosting and went to throw it. "NO...Arthur... _don't_!"

"You did this to yourself!" And thus Arthur began to chase Merlin around the kitchen with a handful of chocolate frosting. He lost a lot along the way, on the floor and on cupboards and a chair, at the table, as he chased him around the nook, Merlin screamed, as he slipped on some chocolate on the floor and nearly fell over. He didn't fall, but he did end up getting caught, by two large hands on his wrists. He now had chocolate running up his arm. "Take it like a man, Merlin!"

"No...NO!" he yelled, as he had been yelling, the entire time. He wondered how the rest of the house hadn't heard this. Of course it was just Uther and Hunith and they probably wouldn't care if he was screaming for help. This thought, though depressing, was completely lost by Arthur running his chocolaty fingers over Merlin's forehead...

" _Simba_!" he whispered heavily, and then licked his fingers. Merlin stared at him, as he did this. He was in the middle of wondering why he found that kinda hot and also wondering why Arthur was such a weirdo.

"Freak..." he mumbled, playfully.

Arthur grinned, eyes traveling over Merlin's chocolaty body for a very long moment, "You love it."

Merlin looked at him, for a long while, wondering if he did actually love it or not, and he supposed it was true, he did, because if not, then his heart probably wouldn't have skipped a beat when their eyes had just met, and Merlin probably wouldn't have just bit his lip, watching as Arthur licked his own, if he did not love it...so yes, maybe Arthur was right. Or maybe, it was just him he loved, and the weirdo thing he would just have to live with...

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?!" Came the very angry voice of Hunith, and the two jumped apart at once. And now, Merlin suddenly wished that, if she _had_ come because she heard him screaming for help...that she would not have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I know I haven't updated this in a bit. Once a week makes it feel more like once a month. I'll try to get another update out this week, no promises, but I will try!! Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was kinda sad, but there were some cute parts!!)


	26. Chapter 26

Merlin sat next to Morgana, as she finished off her second cupcake, and that was saying a lot, as she never normally ate much at all. Merlin was just pleased she liked them, and they didn't turn out too ugly after Hunith nearly threw them across the room after shouting at him for forty-five minutes about dirtying the kitchen.

"These cupcakes though, Merlin," she said, after finishing eating. "Wow...who knew you could bake."

"Multi-talented, Merlin is," said Arthur, he had already ate four cupcakes of his own, and was the soul reason Merlin had gotten in such trouble the night before, so he probably should shut up. Merlin glared at him, he grinned back.

"I'm glad you liked them," said Hunith, all of a sudden. "You know...Merlin got the recipe from one of our old family cookbooks, I will give it to you, if you wanted."

"Yeah, _Google_ , the oldest family cookbook," muttered Arthur, and the glare Merlin had been giving him faltered and he tried to hide a laugh in his cupcake.

"No thank you," said Morgana, obviously having heard Arthur, as she was closer to him than even Merlin was, but he didn't think Hunith or Uther had heard Arthur. Probably for the best. "I'm not a _In The Kitchen_ woman, I'm a _Blow People Up_ woman..."

"Oh, yeah?" retorted Arthur, apparently, without warning to Merlin, they were no longer on the same side anymore, Arthur had dirt. "Did you tell the boy you were with last night that?"

"What boy?" questioned Morgana, Merlin looked over at her, kind of surprised, but then over to Uther, who looked very alarmed. Was it for the boy or Morgana?

"I saw you get out of a car that a boy was driving last night," said Arthur, very pleased with himself.

"Oh..." she laughed. "I don't consider him a boy."

"What do you consider him, a horse?" asked Uther, finally speaking since they had sung Morgana happy birthday. Morgana glared at her father. "If he has a penis, he's a boy..."

"Get with the _TIMES_ , Uther," she glared daggers at both Uther and Arthur. "He is a boy, just not to me...I don't have time to waste on love or relationships."

"Right..." Arthur nodded, rolling his eyes, but he sure did, still, look very amused indeed.

"I am a goddess, I deserve to be given whole worlds...entire planets to rule, I deserve to be worshiped, no little boy can give me what I want," Morgana spoke, as if she was the most sure she had ever been about anything in her life. Her words were very clear and direct, she really believed this to be true. "There is only one person who can give me exactly what I want..."

"Benedict Cumberbatch?" offered Arthur, and Morgana paused, and gave Arthur the dirtiest look Merlin had ever seen in his life. "Ralph Fiennes? I'm just naming off people I know you've have a crush on...Zayn Malik?"

"Shut up, Swine!" said Morgana, shrugging off Arthur's comments. "The only person who can give me what I want, is me."

"And this is why my only hope for this bloodline is Arthur..." sighed Uther.

After this dinner sort of broke up, Morgana stormed off mad, Hunith said nothing at all, and Uther and Arthur giggled to each other about Morgana's outlook on men. Merlin just helped clean up, not sure what else to do, and then headed up for bed. He felt bad for Morgana, and the fact that her brother and father teased her, whether or not she was there to see it. He didn't care about her thoughts on men, even if he sort of was one, not all the way yet, but he _was_ working on it. He was happy she was confident enough in herself to know what she wanted in life, and at least she wasn't like Gwen...

In the morning, all thoughts of Morgana and men were out of Merlin's mind, he needed to get his mother to listen to the songs today, or else he would never be allowed to play anything. So, after breakfast, and very much argument from Hunith. _'I'm busy making sure all the arrangements are in order, not now...'_ she was only looking at Facebook on her phone, Merlin knew better, _'I am still not sure this is a good idea, even if I agree to listen, I still doubt I'll say yes,'_ and Merlin knew all of this, he knew she was going to try to back out of it, but if she just heard the songs...he had put so much work into them, gave all of himself into them, she would have to like at least one enough...

He forced her into the rec room, where he had already put his guitar and his folder of songs. He ushered her into the love seat in the room and sat at the piano. He took a deep breath, looking up at her glare, he felt very nervous. Kind of like he wanted to return to that shy boy who only hid in his room and didn't bother anyone, but no...he couldn't do that, he needed to prove he wasn't a waste of space, he wanted, finally, for his mother to see his worth.

"Don't start without me!" said Arthur, as he burst into the room, Merlin looked up, he had told Arthur he was going to be doing this, at breakfast, and he didn't mind Arthur being there, at least he would be encouragement rather than whatever his mother would give him. The look Hunith gave though, said she would have preferred if he wasn't there. Arthur ignored her, sat down next to her on the love seat and smiled up at Merlin. "Sorry... go on."

Merlin began to strum, the way the cords moved to the beat of his song. He closed his eyes, as the part where he would need to sing was coming and he was getting nervous again, he had never sung in front of his mother...and definitely not Arthur, he didn't want to see what the look on their faces were, disgust, shock...would they like it? He started to sing, letting the music move him and he blocked it out, he blocked out everything, he pretended he was only just in his room, singing the song to see what it would sound like. He wasn't on display right now, he was just doing this for fun. He got through most of the song with no mess ups, and sometimes that happens, you sing the wrong words or play the wrong cord, it was hard to do both perfectly, but he had practiced enough, he knew he could do it. He felt brave enough to open his eyes, as he sang the start of the end of the song.

_"You...that's what I've been missin'...words...tangled up and twisted."_ His eyes flashed over to his mother, she was completely stone-faced, it was like she was a robot that was just simply turned off at this point. He looked over to Arthur, on the other hand, and he was sat forward, elbows on his knees and completely staring at Merlin, his mouth hung open a little bit. Merlin didn't know what that meant, and he didn't want to think about it now. _"Now...all the clouds been lifted...lately my hearts been so empty...but it feels different when you're with me..."_

He focused on the end guitar solo, banging his foot on the ground and hitting the strings with his hand and plucked at them to get the sound he wanted. The ending was his favorite part of the song, and he swayed back and forth as he finished, and when it was done...he froze, hands still in playing potion, he looked up...waiting.

"That was..." his mother trailed off, and he felt his heart swell a little, had she liked it? "Very inappropriate..."

Merlin's hopes and dreams fell in one single second, he frowned, he should have known. "What are you talking about?" said Arthur, Merlin's eyes traveled to him and he didn't look back, instead., he was glaring at Hunith. "That was fucking great!"

"Don't be so kind, Arthur...he needs the truth," said Hunith, shaking her head. "Talking about cloudy weather and bars and being alone? How is that a wedding song?"

"Wow...you just completely missed the point," said Arthur, before Merlin could say anything. "He's talking about how you feel around someone you love...how you felt lonely before, then they showed up and -"

"I'm sorry...I just don't think it's very good, I'm allowed to say that, _it's my wedding_ ," said Hunith. Arthur sighed, shaking his head and turning away from her. "Can I go now? I think I have more important things to be doing..."

"No, actually..." said Merlin, standing up and stopping her from walking away, she tried to get passed him once more, but he stopped her. "I have one more song...and I think you'll like this one."

"Oh for the love of the Lord..." she sat back down, crossing her lags with a huff and glared at Merlin. This song was written for the piano, and he had practiced this one much less, but even so, he set his guitar aside and turned toward the keys. He took a breath, he just hoped and prayed she would like this one, he was kind of banking on the other one, but he was glad he had a backup plan. He let those thoughts fade his mind, instead...he took a breath, to calm down, and started playing the song. Fingers moving against the keys on their own, because this song was much harder to sing, he had written it for a voice like Morgana's, which was much better than his. He closed his eyes.

" _I can feel your heart inside of mine...I've been going out of my mind...Know that I'm just wasting time, and I...hope that you don't run from me. For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart, for when you're lonely and forget who you are...I'm missing half for me when we're apart. Now you know me, for your eyes only..."_ The music is meant to pick up at this point, and Merlin rocked back and forth as he slammed his fingers into the keys, he hadn't opened his eyes still, he didn't want to look at them again. The climax of the song was meant to be powerful, and Merlin poured himself into his voice, he wanted them to feel it, to understand what he was trying to say, the pain, but also the happiness, the love... His voice was loud and pure and raspy in the right moments, he allowed the song to over take him completely, bursting out of him like he just needed to get these thoughts off of his chest. When it was ending, and the close was soft and gentle he took a shaky breath...letting his eyes bat open, but he didn't look at them, instead he looked down at the keys, and all he could muster was a whisper, " _For your eyes only..._ "

After, when he had stopped, it was silent, so quite you could hear a pin drop, Merlin was terrified to look over. But he had to, he had to know what his mother thought. He didn't look at her though, at first, his eyes had landed on Arthur, as they so typically did anymore, and he was surprised to see Arthur was crying...was he that bad? He got worried now, and turned to his mother. She showed no emotion at all...Well, no, she showed one emotion, anger.

"This isn't a funeral, Merlin...it's a wedding!" she said, she stood up, pulling her dress down passed her knees and glared at him. "You have wasted my time enough."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" shouted Arthur, as he too, stood up. "It was...I don't even know, he needs his own fucking record or something, and you're going to sit there and tell him it was bad?"

"It was not good," said Hunith simply. "And I don't want it at my wedding!"

Arthur let out a breath, and shook his head, but instead of arguing, he just rubbed his eyes and sat back down. "It's bullshit, it's complete bullshit..."

"I'm sorry, but the song was awful..."

Merlin felt that one a little bit, maybe it wasn't as good as Merlin thought, but it couldn't have been awful, not after he had tried so hard. Maybe it was just his voice, he had ever claimed to be a good singer. "Maybe if Morgana sings it?"

"No," said Arthur, for Hunith, who looked as if she was about to say the same thing. "Morgana doesn't need to sing it, you do."

"No one is singing, and I'm not sitting here anymore," and with that, Hunith walked out of the room and slammed the door behind her. Merlin felt very defeated, and almost like crying, but at the same time he had expected this, he knew she was going to do this. Merlin, who had been staring at the door for several seconds, turned back toward Arthur and blinked away a few tears that were trying to come out. There was no sense in crying now. Arthur noticed he was upset, as if he wouldn't be, and stood up and walked closer to him.

"She's a dumb bitch," he told Merlin, and Merlin nodded, he couldn't disagree right now, but he still felt so sad. He was going to be the only one left out of the wedding, everyone else had a job to do. Despite his best efforts not to, he started crying, and there was no point in trying to hide it, because tears were already rolling down his cheeks before he could stop them or turn away, and it wasn't as if Arthur had never seen him cry before.

"I don't know why I'm like this...I knew she'd say no," he said, through heavy breaths, and Arthur didn't bother saying anything, just grabbed Merlin by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug. He cried into Arthur's shoulder for a moment or two and honestly he felt better. Maybe because he let himself have a good cry for a second, or because Arthur rubbed his back softly and told him ' _she doesn't deserve him as a son.'_

After a long few moments, Merlin pulled back from Arthur and turned back toward the piano, Arthur followed suit. He picked up the blue folder of songs Merlin normally liked to keep from him, but right now Merlin didn't feel like arguing about it, so he let him open it.

"It was a beautiful song, Merlin," said Arthur, as he was clearly reading over the lyrics now. He continued to look over other lyrics, to other songs, and Merlin just sat back down at the piano bench and sighed. "You're songs are really good, I'm actually really impressed...like not in a prat way, either. I'm actually blown away..."

Merlin's lips formed a sort of smile at this and he shrugged. "I just...I like writing songs, it's like an escape."

Arthur sat down next to him and smiled, almost proud looking, and then pulled out a paper from the folder. "Who is Olivia?" he asked, and Merlin, despite being sad, grinned.

"It was a joke...or at least some part of it was, because Mum said when you give her your sperm, she was going to name the baby Olivia. I _live for you, I long for you, Olivia..._ " he explained, and took the paper from Arthur's hands. "I wrote that bit as a joke, bu this part is real," he pointed to the end of the song, and played a small tune on the piano with one hand. " _When you go...and I'm alone...you live in my imagination...summer time and butterflies all belong to your creation...I love you...that's all I do...I love you...oh._ "

When he had stopped singing, he looked up at Arthur and he was staring back at him, biting his lip in a way that Merlin did a lot of the time, to hide from smiling. Merlin looked at him for a long moment, not sure what to say, because he was just staring.

"What?" he finally asked and Arthur shook his head, searching Merlin's face for another second, and then turned away.

"Nothing...I just..."

"What?" Merlin repeated, confused.

Arthur sighed and stood up. "Nothing..."

He then left, without another word, and Merlin didn't know why, but to him...whatever Arthur was going to say, didn't feel like it was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Okay, I know once again...it's been awhile, please excuse that. I am focusing on another FF and I also am in school, so I am busy right now. But I do have an update to share with you all. I will not be making a sequel to this story, for the whole time I was saying how this one would end at 32 and I would start the second one, well....I hate the second one, I have rewritten it three times now, so what I have decided to do, is not end this one at all. I will post all of the 32 chapters that I have, and then it will go on a hiatus, until I can write it. I'm still not exactly sure what I want to happen, what I do know though, is that I want it to focus more on the family drama, even a bit more than this has so far. Anyway, just thought I would share, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I am going to be honest, pretty much every time I read this one, and it's been quite a few at this point, I cry...I don't know why, it was never meant to be THAT sad, but it just hurts me. Also, we, as in Me and Merlin, do not own those songs, but One Direction does, and they're really good songs, I'm just saying....)


	27. Chapter 27

It was happening...today, Uther and Hunith were going to be officially married today, and Merlin couldn't be more happy to have it finally be over. In the last week his mother had turned into such a jerk, such a horrible, ruthless bitch, that he was sure, at least twice, Uther was going to cancel the wedding. They fought and fought and she cried and cried, big alligator tears. But Uther had stuck it out, looking stressed and older than he normally did. Everyone just looked tired, walking around on eggshells, because anything could set her off...and it did, several times a day.

Where they were getting married was legitimately a castle, with rolling hills and a golf course behind it. And because Uther knew the owner, they got to stay there for free the night before the wedding, the day of and the day after. It pays to be rich and in everyone's business, apparently.

"You look disgusting!" shouted Hunith, as she had passed Merlin the hall, heading toward the elevator, that morning. Merlin's mouth fell open a little, not sure how to take that. He hadn't really started getting ready yet, he had only woken up and gotten a shower. The wedding was at four, so he had plenty of time. "You will not ruin my special day, Merlin...with your hair looking like that!"

"I've not even done it..."

_"DON'T TALK TO ME!"_ Hunith screamed and ran off, Morgana, who had been forced to tend to Hunith, as she was the Maid of Honor, or Maid of Horror as she had started calling herself throughout the last week. She gave Merlin a look that said she was sorry, and followed after his mother. Arthur came out of his room, the door Merlin just so happened to be standing in front of, mostly because he had been planning to go see him, before he had seen his mother in the hall.

"Was that the delightful bride I heard?" he smirked. Merlin shook his head and shrugged.

"My presence offended her again."

"You should stop doing that," said Arthur, almost seriously, he couldn't quite keep a straight face though. "Don't you know it's her special day?" Merlin grinned at him. "I'm off to see the groom, ask if he might want to reconsider before ruining his life...care to join?"

"Sure, I guess...but I have to go at some point to fix my hair, so my dearest mum can't tell me I ruined her wedding," said Merlin, as he followed Arthur into the elevator.

"I like the way your hair looks," said Arthur. "What's wrong with it?"

"Just I am...I think," said Merlin. They reached the floor above the one they were staying on and walked down until they reached the Honeymoon suite. Uther was forced to rent out an extra room, where Hunith and Morgana would get ready, so Uther wouldn't get the chance to see Hunith before the wedding took place. But judging, at how Uther just sat in an arm chair and took deep drags from a cigar, he never had any plans to catch a peek of his future wife at all. In fact, Merlin doubted that even if she stood before him, completely jacked up in her white finest, Uther wouldn't care at all.

"Father..." said Arthur, as he sat down on the sofa in the room. It was a circle sitting room, with red and white furniture, and two doors that led off to other parts of the suite. Merlin sat down next to Arthur, and just looked around. "Having a good time?"

"I've had seven shots of Brandy so far," said Uther, looking up from his news paper and grinned, drunkenly, at his son. "Woman's driving me mad, all her crying and whining...she acts like the world should stop for us because we're getting married. She's told off the Front Desk woman."

"The lady that looks ninety-two?" asked Arthur.

"Yes, the very same!" said Uther, shaking his head and taking another long, long drag of his cigar. "Woman is knocking on deaths door and there's Hunith pushing her through..." Arthur laughed and Merlin didn't know what to do, so he just sort of sat there. "I can't wait for this all to be over, so she can relax...I realize this is her first wedding, but good Lord..."

"You're not nervous at all?" asked Arthur now. Uther looked up, raising an eyebrow at Arthur and shook his head no. "You remember your lines this time?"

"I remember _I do_ , that's all I need to know..."

Twenty or so minutes later, and after Uther made sure to tell Arthur to get ready in time for the ceremony or be slain by Hunith. ' _There will be no saving you from that fate. "'_ Merlin and Arthur were leaving the room now. Arthur was laughing as they went.

"This divorce is going to be fun..."

"How do you know they'll get divorced?" asked Merlin. He hadn't said anything in with Uther, but he tended not to like to talk around Uther too much, it was still something he needed to work on, Uther still just kinda scared him a little bit.

"Please, Merlin...they're not right for each other, we all know that...we can all see it."

Merlin understood what Arthur meant, and he didn't know why...but he didn't want them to get divorced. It wasn't because he wanted them to be happy or anything, it was much more selfish. "But what happens to me if they get divorced?" Arthur paused at this, and also at the elevator doors, he looked over at Merlin. "I mean I know I don't really matter to their marriage, I'm sort of just here, but..."

"Hopefully by then you'll be old enough and...I don't know, move in with me I guess."

"But we wouldn't be family anymore," said Merlin, as he followed Arthur into the elevator, for the second time that morning. Arthur let out a laugh.

"We're not technically family now, not yet at least...and it's not like my dad is adopting you," explained Arthur. "So I assume we're more friends, mostly, and why wouldn't I let my friend live with me? You don't want to stay with your mum, do you...?"

"No," said Merlin, without question. The doors opened and the two stepped out onto their floor again. They needed to start getting ready soon. "But it's kinda wrong...you know."

"What is?" Arthur asked, as he headed toward his room and Merlin just continued to follow.

"Us...talking about them getting divorced on their wedding day," Merlin looked over at Arthur, and he was smirking. "I mean... _it's mean_."

Arthur laughed again, opening his hotel room door and allowing Merlin to walk in first. "It's facts, Merlin...it's not going to last."

Merlin spent forty-five minutes in Arthur's bathroom, using all of Arthur's hair products, to try to make his hair look in a way his mother might be okay with. It ended up just being flattened to his head and very sticky, but he figured he couldn't do anymore than that, and gave up. By the time he had come out, Arthur was in his suit. Well, most of it...

He wore the blank suit pants and a white dress shirt, with it tucked in. And Merlin didn't know why, but this startled him, and made him feel...in a way he shouldn't be feeling about a person who, in about two hours, was going to be his stepbrother. It was just the way it shaped him though, around his butt and his muscles in his arms, that made him just look...

Merlin felt his cheeks turning red, embarrassment at his thoughts, maybe, or just the rush of it all, and he couldn't quite _stop_ looking. Arthur turned around, draping an untied tie over his neck as he did. He grinned up at Merlin's hair. "What is that mess?" he asked, but Merlin was too distracted by the fact that he, Arthur, was just _so fucking hot_ , he couldn't breathe. "You better get dressed..."

Merlin tore his eyes away, sadly...just very sadly, and saw on Arthur's bed his own suit had been laid out. He switched his clothes quickly, not bothering to go back into the bathroom and put away the hair gels, because he really doubted Arthur would care anyway, and they needed to hurry up. Because, although Merlin was not in the wedding, he needed to go to the front of the resort and pick up Gwen and get to the venue by the time of the wedding, and Arthur was the best man, so he needed to be on time.

When Merlin turned around, Arthur had tied his own tie and had his suit jacket on, and also...his eyes on Merlin. He felt a little uneasy about that. but ignored it, instead, to wrap the red tie around his neck. At least he got to wear the same colored tie as the wedding party, even if he wasn't in it. He fumbled with the tie, in a rush, and a very nervous sort of way, for some reason.

"Stop...let me help you," said Arthur, walking closer to him. He pushed Merlin's fidgety fingers out of the way and straightened out the tie. Merlin had to admit, after his very inappropriate thoughts just a few moments ago, having Arthur this close to him now was kind of weird, and also a little exciting... Arthur's eyes were on his neck tie, as he tied it, but every so often they would move and look up, into Merlin's face, eyes looking over him for a second, before returning to the tie.

"How do you know how to do this?" asked Merlin, because he didn't know what to do in this situation. Merlin didn't know how to tie a tie because he never had a reason to, he had always been poor, and ever went anywhere fancy.

"My dad showed me...the day of my mum's funeral..."

"Oh..." Merlin felt bad for having asked now. He just assumed Arthur knew because he was rich. Arthur finished with the tie, and smiled at Merlin, telling him it was okay and he wasn't upset about the question. Instead of removing his hands though, he placed both on Merlin's shoulders.

"It was a sad day...but one it's of my favorite moments I've had with my dad," he explained. "Before then he had never felt much like a dad to me, but right then he was." Merlin bit his lip and tried to hide the smile he wanted to show him. He knew Uther had his good sides and no matter what Arthur said, he loved his father very much, this made Merlin miss his own dad, but his death had felt so far away and so long ago at this point, that even though it was sad, Merlin didn't feel like crying. "You look good," said Arthur, after a moment of them just standing there. "Can't tell it's a used suit at all...fucking cheap bitch."

Merlin took a step back and Arthur's hands fell to his sides. "The legs are a little too short," said Merlin, as he looked down and his black socks showed much more than Arthur's did.

"I kinda like it...it's cute," said Arthur. "It suits you."

"It looks like I'm going to start tap dancing!" argued Merlin, Arthur grinned.

"Hunith didn't say no to that..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N; I wasn't going to post this tonight, but I had time and I thought why not...? So I did it. But YAY the wedding is starting!! Some serious stuff GOES DOWN, during this wedding. Can't wait for you all to see it!!)


	28. Chapter 28

Merlin picked Gwen up at the entrance to the resort, where her dad had dropped her off. She wore a yellow, sun dress with slits down the middle and on both sides of the top, and Merlin kind of wished she had asked him first, what to wear, because this looked a little inappropriate. But he didn't mention it, as she hooked her arm around his and they walked inside the room where Uther and Hunith were getting married. The two sat down in the only empty seats they could find and waited.

"You're not doing anything in the wedding?" asked Gwen, after sitting there, silently, for a few minutes. Merlin didn't look over at her, otherwise she would see him frowning, and he shook his head no. "But your step brother and sister are?"

"Yeah..." he trailed off, and he didn't have to look over to know she was giving him a strange look. He realized it was odd...and unfair, but he didn't want to dwell on that now. The wedding started, Uther walked out first, going down the isle in a very quick fashion, as if he was in a rush to get somewhere quickly, and he didn't make eye contact with anyone. Merlin knew this was his third wedding and he still felt a little embarrassed about it, which made it just a little bit funny...

Next, a few people he didn't know. And then finally it was Arthur and Morgana's turn to walk. Because they were the Best Man and the Maid of Honor, they got to walk together. Arthur had looked exactly as he had seen him last, just a little more sweaty, but Morgana was now in a maroon, flowing dress, that made her look like the Goddess she claimed to be, and her hair was done up in a loose bun.

"Wow...you're step family is really good looking..."

Merlin wondered, for half a second, if that meant she thought he was ugly, but he ignored this, and instead focused on the fact that his mother was now floating down the isle, fake smile plastered on her lips. She did her hair in an almost fifties style, and her dress kind of matched that theme as well. Having short, flowing, sleeves and she did not wear a vale, only a white hair piece.

They watched the wedding silently, nothing seemed to go wrong, Hunith even cried at one point, and Merlin couldn't tell if this time it was fake or not. Once it was over and they were officially married, everyone started piling out of the room, and Merlin quickly got up and grabbed Gwen by the arm, he wanted to find Arthur and Morgana, so they could go to the reception together. The reception was in a different room, on the other side of the resort. Somehow, as they were weaving through the mess of people leaving the room, Gwen had slipped out of his grip and was lost. There were more than five hundred people attending this wedding, so that was easy enough to do. Merlin, however, manged to find Arthur, through the sea of people and rushed over to him. He was standing against a wall, looking at all the people passing.

"There you are!" said Arthur, as soon as he saw Merlin. "I was looking for you. We better hurry, before we miss all the fun..."

Merlin could tell Arthur was being sarcastic, but even still, he couldn't go without finding Gwen. "I can't...I have to find Gwen, she's-"

"Ah...Arthur, my _Darling_ , long time no see!" said a voice and Merlin paused, looking behind him at what might have been the oldest woman he had ever seen alive. The big ass hat on her head only made her look worse. She was wrinkly and worn down, and like she had way too much plastic surgery. "Give me a kiss!"

Arthur leaned forward and pressed his lips to the cheek of his old bat for less than a whole second, before pulling away and looking grossed out. "Hello, Nan..."

"Your grandfather is around here somewhere, I'm sure he would love to see you, as we never hear from you anymore," said this woman, who was obviously Arthur's grandmother, so that meant...Uther's mother. How were they still alive? Uther was in his sixties. "You know we might be old, but we know how phones work..."

"I am just very busy with Uni these days, I don't have time for anything," said Arthur, looking nervous, and he never normally acted this way, he normally acted much more relaxed, even when being shouted at by Uther. The woman rolled her eyes, clearly not believing it and then looked down at Merlin, like she had only just realized he was there.

"Is this the new Branch?" she asked, and Merlin found that to be an odd question.

"This is Merlin, Hunith's son..." Arthur trailed off, the more and more that they stood there, the more and more Arthur looked annoyed.

'Hmm..." the woman hummed, as she looked over Merlin closely, face scrunching up and when she had her fill of judging him, she turned her nose up at him. "Scrawny..."

Arthur's eyes darkened at this and he grabbed Merlin by the arm, quickly. "I think we ought to be going, see you, Nan..."

He dragged Merlin along, muttering under his breath about how she was a _'stupid, old bitch,'_ and Merlin didn't even mention the fact that he still needed to find Gwen, because Arthur didn't give him a chance to, until they were much further away from the crowd of people. Once they were, Arthur released Merlin's arm and unbuttoned his suit jacket.

"God, I hate my family," he said now, as they walked, slowly, next to each other. A few party-goers walked passed them, trying to get there in time for the dinner, but clearly Arthur didn't care about that. Merlin only did a little bit. "I already had to throw my Uncle out, once...hopefully he doesn't come back."

"Uther has a brother?" asked Merlin, he hadn't heard anything about this, but he hadn't heard about the Grandparents either, Merlin was starting to think he didn't know anything about the Pendragon's.

"No...my Uncle on my mum's side," explained Arthur. "He's never forgiven my dad for cheating on my mum, so he always shows up at my dad's weddings, to judge his mistakes."

Merlin nodded. "Wow...I'm glad I don't have any family..."

"Excuse me...this is your family now!" said Arthur, as they finally reached the hall the reception was in, they hadn't reached the door yet, but they could hear loud music playing.

"That's not what you said earlier, you said we're not really family..." Merlin explained, smirking at Arthur, whose mouth fell open slightly. "And that's true, no one treats me like family here...my mum won't even let me be in her wedding. Gwen thought that was insane...try explaining that, I couldn't..."

"Merlin, I didn't mean...I..." Arthur stumbled over words and Merlin continued to look amused by it. "I just meant I didn't see you as a step brother...I see you as more of a friend."

"It's okay, I don't see you as a step brother either," said Merlin, and that was true, because he was too busying _seeing_ him shirtless in his mind. "I didn't say I was upset by it."

Arthur sighed, deeply. "I just want to get ridiculously drunk and not think about anything anymore..."

They entered the reception, where dinner had long been served, and Merlin found Gwen sitting at a table with his and her names on a little sticker. Merlin noticed it was pretty far away from the bride and grooms table, where Arthur and Morgana sat with Uther and Hunith. Merlin wondered why Hunith was pushing him away so much, it was like she didn't want him there...well, it wasn't _like_ that, it was entirely that. But Merlin decided not to let it bother him, he had no love for his mother, and as time went on and on, the less of anything that could be confused as love was there. When his father had first died and he knew he was going to live with his mother he didn't know what to expect, he still had hope for her, she had never shown him much love, but he never thought she didn't love him...now, as he sat at her wedding, and Gwen chatted up this old man sitting next to them, he realized no...she didn't love him, and that was okay, it really was...because he didn't care. There were literally only two people at this wedding he cared about, and they were sitting at the table with her.

Dinner ended and the cake was cut, along with the bouquet being tossed. Which Morgana caught, and Arthur decided to endlessly make fun of her for, as she claims she never wants to get married, but she did look quite pleased with herself, Merlin noticed. The live band came out and there was dancing, and mini cupcakes of all different kinds, along with pastries, and of course...wedding cake. Gwen had run off somewhere, Merlin didn't know where to, for the second time today. She wasn't a very good date, and more often than not he found he didn't have anything to say to her, because now, unlike when at school, she didn't have a conquest to tell him about. They really didn't have anything in common.

Arthur had started drinking, heavily, Merlin had seen him stop the waiters carrying around drinks several times. He abandoned the table where Uther and Hunith were, and he came and sat down next to Merlin. With two drinks, that were dark red and gold, he offered one to Merlin, who took it, really, without question. This happened a few times, where Arthur would take two drinks, either the red and gold one, which burned a lot going down, or a red and orange-y one, which tasted more tropical and fruity, Merlin liked that one better. Merlin wasn't technically allowed to drink yet, but Arthur did this openly and people saw it, yet said nothing.

Merlin wasn't really drunk though, he felt just comfortable, Arthur... _he was_ , he had several drinks at this point and didn't seem like he was going to be stopping any time soon. Merlin had never seen him drunk, tipsy, which is what Merlin was now, but never completely drunk. Morgana came over to the table, as Merlin was watching Uther and Hunith leave the room, it was getting late, a lot of people had started to leave now, but the band was booked another hour, so some people stayed.

"Come with me, Merlin," she told him, she was completely sober, and she gave Arthur a dark look, as she took Merlin's hand and lead him away.

"Where are we going?" he asked. She didn't answer him, just led him over to the stage and waited for the man singing to stop. Merlin was starting to wonder, what exactly she was playing at. "Morgana..."

"I want you to sing a song with me," she explained. "Arthur told me you sing good, so..."

"Mum said she didn't want me to-"

"Hunith left," grinned Morgana. "It's free game!" Merlin laughed, he didn't think he would agree to this if completely in his right mind, but he followed her up on stage and the man who led the band handed him his guitar. "Hello everyone, Merlin and I...we would like to sing a song together, for a bit of fun. Okay?"

People cheered below them, though Merlin figured most of those people had no idea who Merlin was. So, maybe when they embarrassed themselves up here, it wouldn't bother Merlin as much.

"What song are we singing?" he asked Morgana, as she turned back toward him. She beamed and held up her phone, showing him a picture of song lyrics, but he knew the song. He had heard it a few times when he would be in her room and she would play music. He had never played it before, obviously though, and it was an odd choice for a wedding. But like she had said...Hunith was gone. The band behind them came to life, playing the song, before Merlin started strumming along, he had never played along side anyone before.

Morgana took her microphone and brought it to her lips, Merlin had to admit she looked stunning doing so, like she belonged there. _"I got a girl crush...hate to admit it but.."_ she sang with a soft, raspy voice, just loud enough to hear, but quite and gentle, like she was really in pain. Again, strange song choice for a wedding, but this was Morgana after all. They sang the chorus together. _"I want to taste her lips...yeah, 'cause they taste like you...I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume..."_

Merlin was impressed with how their voices sounded together, the deeper-ness of Merlin's voice and the soft, lightness, of Morgana's complimented each other nicely, he wished they had sung together before. "It's all you, baby boy!" said Morgana, speaking about the next verse, Merlin suddenly remembered he was in front of a room full of people and he took in a sharp breath.

_"I don't get no sleep...I don't get no peace,"_ Morgana held up the lyrics on her phone, so he could read them, but he had basically remembered them, he tried his best, he was obviously not as good as Morgana, but he belted out the raspy, most painful voice he could find. _"Just thinking about her...under your bed sheets.."_ he swore he heard cheers, but he had to be imagining it, it was the drink playing with him. He was happy he wasn't sober, but he might put more effort into it, if he was. _"The way that she's whispering, the way that she's pulling you in. Lord knows I've tried...I can't get her off my mind."_

The song continued, and Morgana, clearly setting Merlin up, only sang backup when needed to, allowing Merlin to finish the song on his own, when it was done, and he slightly wanted to die, it was quiet for a second, not even the sounds of the band could be heard, before everyone started cheering. Merlin blushed deeply, as they exited the stage together.

"You're welcome," said Morgana, smirking, as she walked off, and left Merlin to walk back to the table, by himself. Arthur was still sitting there, when he noticed Merlin coming he looked up and grinned stupidly big.

"Dammit," he was still very drunk, if not more drunk than before. "Fuck...wow, you amaze me."

Merlin laughed, sitting down next to Arthur and took the glass of the red and gold drink out of Arthur's hand, and finished the rest of it himself, he ignored the burn. "I think you've had enough of that."

"Mm...you're right," Arthur nodded. A few people came over and told Merlin they enjoyed his singing, and all the while, as they did this, Arthur, somehow, got closer and closer to Merlin, until Arthur's hand had landed on Merlin's thigh. He didn't move it, but was confused by it.

"You have a lovely voice, young man," said a older woman, who also looked a bit sauced, as she walked passed. "Bright future...very bright."

She walked off and Merlin jumped a little, noticing Arthur was now leaning even closer. "We should get out of here soon," he said, very close to Merlin's face.

"Yeah," said Merlin. "It's been a very long...weird day."

"Hmm..." mumbled Arthur. "I have to pee..."

Merlin laughed. "Go pee..?"

"Will you wait here for me?" asked Arthur, Merlin nodded. "I...I wanted to walk you to your room, can I?"

"Um...sure?" offered Merlin. Drunk Arthur was an odd one, their rooms were three doors down from each other, so they had to walk there anyway, but Merlin wasn't going to question it. Arthur got up and nearly tripped over his chair.

"Wait here, I'll be right back!"

He ran off, out of the room and once he was gone, Morgana walked back over. "Everyone wants you to sing another song, before the band goes..."

"Uh...no, me and Arthur are about to leave," said Merlin. Morgana rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Merlin...the people want you!"

"I..." but Merlin didn't know what to say, so he stood up and agreed to do it anyway, Arthur could wait a minute, right? At least people actually liked him here, even if they were probably all drunk and didn't know any better. He got back up on the stage, this time alone, and took the guitar from the lead singer, who walked off, clearly done for the night. "I...wrote this song myself, not for the wedding...though, I did write a few for that," he might have been throwing a little shade at his mother. "It's not the best, I...don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it, but here it goes..."

He started playing the guitar, and sang the words, and as he got to the first chorus, one of the band members played a tune on the piano to go along with the song, that Merlin would definitely be stealing later to add in. _"Get up up on the dance floor, move, it's a Saturday night fell in love with the sparkle in the moonlight. Reflected in your beautiful eyes, I guess that is destiny doing it right, and dance like they do in the Mediterranean, spin you around me again and again and. You're like something that God has sent me,I want you baby...solamente..."_

To Merlin's surprise, people were dancing and smiling up at him and tapping their feet, if they were still sitting, too drunk to get up. Merlin felt, maybe for the first time in his life, proud of himself, he had done something people liked, and really...it almost made him cry, but he couldn't start crying in the middle of his song, so he focused on jamming out on the guitar, the way the song required you to.

_"You and I we're flying on an airplane tonight. We're going, somewhere where the sun is shining bright . Just close your eyes...and let's pretend we're dancing in the street, in Barcelona..."_

Merlin walked off the stage, now that he had finished singing and everyone cheered and started getting ready to leave. He didn't know how he felt about it, he was happy yes, excited, too, that people liked his song and thought he sung okay, but he was also kind of tired...he wondered if Arthur heard the song and what he thought of it, he had to have come back from the bathroom by now. This older man approached Merlin, as he was trying to walk back to the table Arthur had been at before. He wasn't there now, though, Merlin noticed. He wondered where he was, as the man started talking.

"Hello, I'm John Reed," he was saying. "I know your step father, Uther, we've done business..."

"Yeah?" offered Merlin, he didn't really want to talk right now, but the man didn't seem to get it.

"I produce songs," he continued to say. "I just wondered if you ever thought about going into the industry?"

"What industry?" questioned Merlin, in return, the man looked confused at him.

"Music?"

"Oh...no," Merlin shook his head. "I just write songs for fun."

"Well, you have a quite a voice and from what I can tell talent with song writing, too."

"Thank you, that's very nice. Have a good night," Merlin smiled, and walked around the man, he didn't want to sit there and talk to him anymore, he wanted to know where Arthur was. He found Morgana near their table. "Where's Arthur?"

"Oh, I saw him go up the elevator while you were singing," she explained, putting many party favors into her purse and trying to shut it, with no luck.

"He told me to wait for him..." Merlin pouted, he hadn't exactly meant to, but he did find it kind of rude that Arthur left.

"He was pissed off his ass, Merlin, he had to go to bed," said Morgana, as she finished with her purse and beckoned him toward the exit. "Hey...where did your date go?"

"She left along time ago," said Merlin, as he followed Morgana, out of the reception room. "I think she left with some old guy...now I'm going to have to hear about their sex tomorrow..."

"Why?" asked Morgana, with a scrunched up face, as they walked toward the elevator, which was only right across from the reception room.

"Because, she has to tell someone...and she doesn't have any other friends."

"...and you talk to her why?" asked Morgana, as they entered the elevator and the doors shut in front of them. Merlin only shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: So, Huther, which I can literally not stop calling them....are now married, and I am just going to say that the next chapter is pretty big, not only in the plot, but I also think it is the longest chapter of this story so far, so stay tuned for that. I''m really excited to post it. I hope you have enjoyed this one!!)


	29. Chapter 29

Merlin woke up the next morning to a headache, but that didn't stop him from showering and getting dressed, he was hungry and wanted to go get breakfast, before he had to go meet Uther and Hunith to take family photos in their wedding clothes. Merlin didn't know why he had to be there, he hadn't even been in the wedding, but oh well. He also wanted to go check on Arthur, because he had been pretty drunk and had just left the night before, which was unlike him.

But as Merlin was getting his shoes on, to leave, he heard a knock at the door. He walked over, with only one shoe on, and pulled open the door, there stood Arthur, looking very rough indeed. Merlin grinned at him, Arthur just stood there, staring at Merlin, without speaking. "Hello?" offered Merlin. Arthur seemed to be a little out of it still. "Wanna come in or just stand there? I could shut the door...?"

Arthur seemed to snap out of it now, and he frowned, walking into the room, Merlin shut the door behind him. He went over to Merlin's bed and fell face first into it, Merlin followed him into the room more, watching him. "I'm dying..." muttered Arthur. "This is why I don't like drinking like that..."

"Well...you did it," said Merlin, he wasn't being supportive to Arthur, unlike Arthur always was to him, but he couldn't help it, it was amusing to him. "And then you left me...you told me to wait for you and you never came back..."

Merlin didn't know if that was exactly true, he might have come back while Merlin was singing, but he hadn't seen him, so he just amused not. Arthur popped his head up at this, and stared at him, with a scrunched up face. "I what...?"

"You literally asked me to wait for you, because you had to pee, and said you wanted to walk me to my room..." explained Merlin, Arthur looked at him, as if he were crazy. "Which is stupid, as our rooms are three doors apart, but I didn't want to question you..."

"I don't remember that," said Arthur, sitting back up and looking worried at the turned off telly, he seemed to be thinking about something now. "Don't take anything I say when I'm pissed like that seriously, alright? I can't control myself..."

"I've been drunk before," said Merlin. Arthur stood up and shook his head, which then made him grab his head and complain. "Let's go get something to eat, maybe that'll help."

Arthur agreed and they headed out of the room. In the elevator Arthur stopped looking as sick as he had in the room, he looked over to Merlin, as they waited for the doors to open and reached over, petting his messy hair. "What's happened here?" he asked, tugging at one of the rather pointy tuffs of hair. "You auditioning for Harry Potter later?"

"It's from all the shit I had to put in it yesterday, I'll have to figure out how to tame it again...for later."

They sat down at one of the tables in the cafe, and Merlin had ordered pancakes while Arthur ordered black coffee and some eggs. They only waited a few seconds for their drinks, and Arthur drained his coffee cup in seconds. He did start looking a little pinker in the cheeks afterward. Behind Arthur though, Merlin noticed, as they just sat there and talked about nothing important, he noticed someone...someone he knew.

"Oh my god!" he said, loudly, as the person walked nearer to them and he finally recognized who it was. "Gwen!" he said, he had thought she had gone home with some old guy, the night before. "Gwen!" he yelled out, and she saw him there and started heading toward him. It seemed like she was looking for someone, and if not him, he didn't know who. "What are you doing here?" he asked, once she was close enough to hear him.

"Oh...I'm just leaving now, my dad is waiting outside in the car, I wanted to say goodbye..." she said, but then turned to Arthur instead and smiled, sweetly. "Thanks for last night..."

Merlin was confused, for about a total of three seconds, until Gwen leaned down and kissed Arthur...kissed him right on the lips. And then it all made sense, it all made so much sense that Merlin suddenly felt a rage like he had never felt before. That's where he went! That's why he didn't come back! Merlin never got angry, he never raised his voice, but right now...he didn't care.

"What the hell?!" he yelled, just as Gwen pulled away from Arthur, Gwen looked back, confused, but Arthur looked...well, Merlin didn't want to look at him right now.

"You didn't tell him?" asked Gwen, taking a step back, and looking between Merlin and Arthur.

"No..." said Arthur, slowly. "I hadn't told him..."

Merlin's ears were burning, if this were a cartoon, his head would have turned into a volcano by now. He stood up, knocking the chair back as he did so. "YOU...YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?!" He shouted, and then turned to Arthur, who looked very pale again, and hadn't moved nor spoke again, since answering Gwen's stupid question. "AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!" Arthur opened his mouth, like he was going to speak, but then shut it again, and didn't say anything. He turned back to Gwen, he just wanted to shout, he wanted to scream at someone. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!?"

"It's not a big deal, Merlin..." said Gwen, looking very ashy in the cheeks and like she wanted to run off and cry. Good, Merlin hoped she cried...and cried a lot. "People have sex all the time. I don't know why he didn't tell you, he told me he was going to when he left the room this morning...I figured he did, that's on him."

"Nooo, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" he yelled, it was _'on him,'_ of course it was, she always pushed the blame to someone else, she even blamed Lance for _HER_ cheating on him. Merlin was done, he was beyond done. "THIS IS ON YOU, FOR BEING THE WORLDS BIGGEST FUCKING SLUT! You don't have ANY respect for anyone but yourself...you're a low-life whore...no, a whore is better than you, at least the whore probably get's paid!"

Gwen gasped at this, covering a hand over her chest and looked very offended, Merlin was glad about that. "I'm leaving, I'm not going to sit here and let you talk to me like this...you don't have the right."

"You don't have the right to cheat on your boyfriend, but ya do...you didn't have the right to have sex with Arthur, but ya did, so now I hope you're happy...because whatever one sided friendship this was is over... _big time_!"

"I just thought you cared..." Gwen trailed off, she always did that, to make Merlin feel guilty, but not this time, that would not work again, sleeping with Arthur had finally broken the already broken camel's back. "And Arthur is an adult, he can do what he likes."

"Oh yeah... _sure_ , and apparently what he likes to do is fucking sluts, but don't worry.. _.I already knew that!_ " Merlin glared down at Arthur, who said nothing, not a single damn word. "But fuck...fuck it all, I don't care...I don't care about him, I don't care about you...I don't care that you treat your vagina like a train station...I don't care, ya dumb fuckin' c-"

Merlin's voice broke, from over-use, and he stopped and glared for a long moment, before he walked off, or more like stormed off, leaving the dumb bitch to rot there, and for all Merlin cared, Arthur could stay with her. He was done, just completely done, he didn't want to see either of them ever again. But it wouldn't last, as soon as Merlin had made it out of the cafe's doors, he could hear someone shouting after him. It wasn't Gwen, of course it wasn't going to be Gwen, it was Arthur. Merlin felt a fresh wave of anger, but he pushed it back, and continued walking without stopping. But he had to stop, to wait for the elevator, because he didn't know where the stairs were, and this gave Arthur time to reach him.

"Don't talk to me...don't say a single fuckin' word..."

"Merlin..."

"YOU JUST SAID A GOD DAMN WORD!"

"Merlin...please, calm the fuck down!" Merlin looked over at him and he glared daggers, Arthur was still very pale and looked very stressed, but he just didn't look the same to him, he didn't _feel_ the same, and that was hurting Merlin very much. He felt tears burning his eyes, but he refused to cry, because he was still so angry, crying was showing weakness. "Can you just let me explain myself...please?"

"No," said Merlin simply, as the elevator doors open and he walked inside, he was hoping Arthur wouldn't follow, he slammed his finger into the close door button, but Arthur still walked in away, Merlin growled. "Please...Merlin, you have to understand, I don't fucking remember anything!"

"Bullshit..."

Merlin crossed his arms over his chest, and looked down at the floor. "I don't...I don't remember talking to you before that, remember? How am I supposed to remember anything else?" asked Arthur, Merlin looked back up at this and scowled.

"Because talking to someone is a lot different than having sex with someone!"

"You wouldn't know...you're a virgin..."

Merlin's rage was returning, tenfold, and he himself, had no idea what sort of horrible curse words he uttered, as he took a swing at Arthur's face, but missed dramatically, as Arthur simply just stepped out of the way. _This was their fault_ , Merlin thought, as the doors open and he stepped out, he was never violent before living with the Pendragon's, they were just horrible people.

"Okay...I realize that was a bad choice of words," said Arthur, as he followed him down the hall. "But I'm not lying, I don't remember...I remember being in the loo, and then coming out and she was there, she was upset because she had spilled something on her dress, so I offered to help her clean it, and she suggested going to my room, and then the next thing I know...we're there and she's getting naked...I swear, Merlin...that's all I remember... _I swear to God_."

Merlin was quiet for a long moment, having paused in the hallway, him saying all this didn't make Merlin feel any better, it was actually making it worse. "I don't believe you..." he muttered, whether he did or not, it didn't matter.

"Why not...?" asked Arthur, sounding kind of hurt now, but Merlin didn't care how hurt he felt, it didn't match how hurt Merlin felt. "I wouldn't lie to you."

"No, you just wouldn't tell me things...so really, it's the same as lying."

"I didn't tell you because I knew you would be mad...I didn't want to hurt you."

"But ya still did...you hurt me by doing it, you just didn't care enough to stop."

"I DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER DOING IT!"

At this point, Morgana came out of one of the room's, as they were on their floor and looked at the two, worried. "What's happened?"

"Arthur had sex with Gwen..." Merlin pointed at Arthur, and Arthur shook his head, but he couldn't really deny it, so then his shoulders kinda just slumped a little. Morgana's lips turned down and she scrunched her nose.

"Ew...why?"

"I was drunk...I don't remember..."

"Disgusting..." she retorted. "Merlin...are you upset?" Merlin nodded, even though he thought it was probably pretty plain to see, that he was upset, more than upset. "I'm sorry, Merlin, he's a dirty bastard, and she's a trash whore...you deserve better than him."

"Excuse me... _I'm still here!"_

"Oh, I know," Morgana smirked at Arthur. "And you're just lucky Merlin is a sweet boy, and hasn't killed you yet."

Morgana walked off, and now Merlin started walking off too, to his room. Arthur followed him. "Where are you going now?"

"To my room...to be away from you."

"I understand you're mad right now...but..."

"But _what_?!" Merlin turned back toward him and Arthur stepped closer to him. Merlin took a step back, even if that meant he had to be slammed against his hotel room door. Arthur frowned, and took a step back again.

"In my right mind or not, I would never do anything purposely to hurt you."

Merlin did know that, he supposed, but he didn't want to talk about it now, he didn't want to talk about anything at all. He wanted to be alone. He said nothing else, just went into his room and shut the door in Arthur's face. Arthur didn't press, he didn't knock on the door, or say anything else, Merlin figured he left, but Merlin really didn't care; He didn't care where Arthur went or what he did. He was angry still, beyond angry...he was hurt, even more so, though, stupidly enough...Merlin was jealous, and he hated that, he hated that very much. How could he be jealous, jealous of what? He fell into his bed and felt his stomach turning at his very thoughts.

He was jealous that Gwen got to have Arthur and he didn't, she could do whatever she liked to Arthur, because her mother wasn't married to his dad, it didn't matter. She got to kiss him, Merlin didn't, she got to be with him, and Merlin didn't...and that wasn't fair, because she always got whatever she wanted, even though she didn't deserve it, _the bitch..._

And Merlin, he couldn't stand that thought, he hatted it, _he hated her..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((A/N: In canon Merlin is not a person I could ever see really start just straight up yelling at someone, Arthur yes....all the time. But in this he is a teenager, going through a lot of stuff. He has an abusive mom and no real friends, Arthur was his safety and now Arthur has ruined that safety. I think Merlin had just reached a boiling point, and honestly...I enjoyed the hell out of rereading it just now. Also, this in no way is slut shaming, I have said this countless times that I have a friend like Gwen is in this story, and sometimes...when she does things, I really want to shout at her. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter....and these turn of events. ALSO, ALSO; I am sooo sorry it has been so long since I did an update, I have no real excuse other than I am very busy with college and my other story that I post, it takes up a lot of my time.)


	30. Chapter 30

Merlin spent the rest of the morning in his room, and a lot of that was him getting ready and back in his suit once again. Not because he wanted to, by any means, but because he had no choice. If he wanted to keep having a place to live, he had to do it.

He wished he didn't have to live there, he wished there was somewhere else he could go, but he had no other family. He had an Uncle on his mother's side, who lived in the Ukraine, he had never met before, but that was it...

Merlin had no choices here.

There was a knock on the door and Merlin ignored it, he continued trying to get his hair into some kind of order, the knocking continued, but now got even louder. Merlin caved, fearing it was either Hunith or Uther coming to shout at him about something, Merlin walked over and pulled open the door. It was Arthur, and on some level Merlin had kind of figured it was, but that didn't mean his face didn't turn sour very quickly, at seeing him.

"What?" he demanded, coldly. Arthur looked a little surprised at his tone of voice, and didn't say anything. That was until Merlin started shutting the door in his face, and he pushed it back, toward Merlin.

"Merlin...come on, let me in...Jesus Christ." Merlin let the door fly open, Arthur almost fell, from him putting too much of his weight on it, trying to keep it open. Merlin ignored this, he walked back into his room and started looking for something that didn't exist, he just didn't want to look at Arthur. "So...this is how it's going to be from now on?" asked Arthur, Merlin said nothing. "You're just never going to talk to me again...?"

"I never said I wouldn't talk to you _ever_ again..." Merlin trailed off, trying not to turn around, so he didn't have to look at him, even if it was very tempting. "It's just very likely I won't..."

"I don't like when you're mad at me..."

"I'm hardly ever mad at you," said Merlin, he looked down at his shoes, he looked out of the window, anything not to look behind him. He couldn't see what Arthur was doing, and he just hoped maybe he would get the hint and leave.

"I know...I like being your favorite."

"You're not my favorite... _favorite what?_ " retorted Merlin.

"Oh come on...we all know I am," said Arthur, and this annoyed Merlin, he sounded very smug and Merlin knew what he was doing. He had done it many times before.

"Stop it," said Merlin, turning around, even though he hadn't wanted to, he couldn't stop himself anymore. Arthur stood there, at the foot of his bed, looking back at him. "Stop trying to charm me by saying stupid things, you do it all the time and I'm not going to fall for it this time..."

"Charm you?" questioned Arthur, with a grin. "I was not..."

"You say dumb shit all the time...just to see what I'll say."

"Wow, you're making me out to be a lot smarter than what I am," said Arthur. "But I wasn't...I'm being serious."

"If you were being serious then you're a bigger idiot than I thought and I feel bad for you," retorted Merlin, and he went to walk off, because Arthur was clearly just here to waste his time. He went to pass Arthur, but Arthur reached out and grabbed his arm.

"That was mean, you're not normally mean, Merlin," he said, simply enough. "I can't imagine it would be from me that you got this way..."

"Well, it was...I'm tired of people thinking they can do whatever they want to me because I'm a nice person, or because I'm a push-over," said Merlin. "I have to listen to my mum and Uther because I have to live somewhere...but I don't have to listen to you, I don't have to be friends with that whore, I don't have to do anything for either of you..."

"You're right, Merlin, you don't...but you're going to be pretty lonely soon enough if you keep up that attitude," retorted Arthur. "I've apologized to you, I've done it all but fucking beg, and I won't do that...so, I think we're ending up at a bit of a problem here. I don't want to ruin our whole relationship over one stupid thing I did, when I was drunk and can't remember."

Merlin shrugged, and Arthur let him go, at last. "I don't know what to tell you then..."

"I just don't fucking get it, I guess...why does it bother you so much that I slept with her?" asked Arthur, his face was turning a slight shade of red, which meant he, too, was getting angry. Merlin didn't care though, he had come to _his_ room, not the other way around. "I get being pissed off, I even get why you'd be pissed off, because I didn't tell you, but you're acting like I seriously wronged you in some way...when, _in fact_ , it has nothing to do with you other than you know both me and her."

Well, that was hitting the nail a little too closely on the head for Merlin to answer that, even if he was stupid enough to answer it, he wasn't going to give Arthur the satisfaction of knowing how he, Merlin, had felt, or still did feel...he wasn't sure right now. "You know how I felt about her going around cheating, I've told you about her enough...and you didn't care, you didn't care enough about me, even when you were drunk, to stop."

"That's not true," said Arthur. "I care about you more than anyone else does. I sure as fuck care more about you than Uther, or your own fucking mother, so no...fuck that, I have done all I can, all I can to make you feel apart of this fucked up family. I never did that for anyone else he's brought in, and trust me...there's been a lot. I've done every single thing you've asked me to do, whenever you had a problem with something I did, you act like a prude and then get mad when other people don't agree with you..."

Merlin's mouth fell open a little bit at this. "WHAT?"

"You gave me shit for the girl in the shed...which never fucking happened, you gave me shit for the guy in Barcelona, you're giving me shit for Gwen..." said Arthur, counting on fingers. "You hated Gwaine...because you knew we messed around...I could go on. Look, _sorry_...but it's my life, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!"

Merlin felt his ears burning again, a new rage was creeping up on him, and he didn't want to start shouting again, so he pushed passed Arthur, and this time Arthur didn't stop him. "You're right, Arthur," said Merlin, deadly calm, as he went to enter the bathroom. "It is your life...and if you have such a problem with me, maybe I shouldn't be in it."

Merlin shut the door behind him, and he had to grab onto the sink, to keep himself standing. He wasn't as angry, anymore, now...as he was hurt. How dare Arthur say that...any of it. It wasn't true. Well, maybe it was true, but the only reason it was true is because of Merlin's feelings, and if he were honest with himself, he could argue they had been there for much longer than even he had realized. Which...was very likely of him. And of course Arthur didn't know that, and he couldn't know that either, but Merlin wondered if he did, if he would still feel the same way about what he had said, if he knew the only reason Merlin _'gave him shit,'_ was because he was jealous...

But no, it didn't matter what it would change, Merlin didn't think their relationship would ever be the same again, and he knew it wasn't entirely Arthur's fault. But he also knew he would never be able to get the imagine of Arthur and Gwen together out of his head, and it would drive him mad.

He heard the handle on the bathroom door shake and he only now realized he had forgotten to lock it. He quickly tried now, as the door handle was turning, and it was too late, his shaky hands only fumbled, as Arthur pushed in the door. What did he want now? Merlin sighed, didn't he have enough of this argument?

Arthur pushed open the door, and without word, he yanked Merlin forward and into a hug. Merlin didn't fight it, because he was feeling a little too sad and broken right now to do so, and hugging Arthur was always quite nice, and he was trying to stop himself from crying, but failed miserably.

"I'm sorry, Merlin...I am truly, incredibly, sorry, I...don't want to fight with you, I don't want you to be angry at me," said Arthur, into Merlin's shoulder, and this time, instead of arguing back, Merlin said nothing. "I wish I could go back and change it...and I really hate when people say that, because my dad used to say that to my mum all the time, and it makes me sick. But it's true...I do. And you're right, I should've told her no, pissed off my ass or not, I should've...but if I hadn't done it with her, I'm afraid I would've ended up trying something with... _with_ somebody else..."

Arthur pulled away from the hug now and Merlin didn't look at him, he didn't do it now, because he was angry, but more ashamed he had put Arthur through all this, just because he was jealous. "I'm sorry, too," he mumbled. "I...over reacted."

"Yeah, you did..."

Merlin shoved Arthur in the arm and Arthur grinned at him, he didn't want to, but he smiled back. "See, you're doing that charm thing again, and I'm letting you..."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Merlin, I am seriously as charming as a brick," said Arthur, but they both knew that was lie. "Look at this hair, you look like you just survived an attack from Voldemort..."

Merlin didn't say anything, as Arthur turned him around and wet a comb in the sink, and started brushing Merlin's hair done. He, himself, had already done that three times, there was just no winning with it. But, as Arthur brushed his hair, he couldn't help thinking, and thinking about the thing he shouldn't be thinking about, but even if they had entered some kind of truce...as Merlin supposed this was, it still did bother him, and maybe that was the _'shit'_ Arthur claimed he liked to give him.

"You know, she's not even of legal consent age," he said, and Arthur paused, mid stroke of hair, and stared at Merlin. He had clearly thought they were not going to talk about this anymore. "She's only sixteen, the legal age is seventeen in England..."

"Oh?" said Arthur, looking at Merlin through the mirror, with a smirk. "And how do you know that?"

"I looked it up..."

Arthur grinned, darkly, and wiggled his eyebrows. " _Why...?_ "

"Because it seemed like information I should know..."

"Right," Arthur nodded, and continued brushing Merlin's hair down. "I suppose I'm off to prison then, once you report me, guess I lost my chance to ever play Footie professionally."

"Don't be stupid," retorted Merlin, but he didn't say it with anger. "I'm just saying...and, I hope you used a condom, or something, because she hardly ever does, she's had three pregnancy scars since I've known her...and that's less than a year."

"I really can't remember if we did or not..."

"I guess my mum will be getting that baby sooner than we though then," retorted Merlin back, instead of panicking and yelling like he kind of wanted to do at that thought. Arthur dropped the comb he was using, and tried to play it off, as he was putting it down, Merlin laughed, glad he had made that choice, seeing Arthur worried was much more fun. "Uncle Merlin...it has a nice ring to it, yeah?"

" _...please stop_!"

Merlin continued to laugh, and Arthur, now putting some sort of gel into Merlin's hair, yanked on it, and Merlin glared. "I'm sure I did...because I had one in my wallet..."

"Just in case you decided to have sex with one of my friends?" offered Merlin.

"Yeah...you know, always gotta be prepared."

A little while after this, they all met up on the grounds outside of the resort to take wedding pictures, were Arthur got told off for making them run late, as he didn't get dressed in time, which might have been Merlin's fault a little bit, though he took no blame. Afterward, and after a dinner in the same café Merlin had blown up in that morning. This would be the last time the kids would see Uther and Hunith for a few days, as the two were off to a honeymoon in Scotland, and Merlin could tell not a single person was sad about this fact. Neither of them said goodbye to Merlin when he got up to leave the dinner table, and only Uther had said goodbye and to keep watch of the house, to Arthur, as he followed. Morgana had long since left, when Hunith had went to the bathroom and she told her father to stay in Scotland for a few months if he would like.

Arthur had been all over Merlin, not physically... _sadly,_ all day. Merlin supposed he might just be worried that if he didn't keep an eye on Merlin, he might get angry again. Which he had not, he was just trying to pretend it never happened at all, so he didn't have to think about it.

"Can I stay with you?" asked Arthur, as they came up to Merlin's door. "I don't really want to go back to my room..."

He made a face, not wanting to know why Arthur didn't want to go back there. "I don't care," said Merlin, as he opened the door and entered the room, Arthur followed him. They had long since gotten out of their suits, and Merlin would be grateful if he never had to get into one again. He fell into his bed, and as there was only one bed in the room, Arthur got into it beside him.

After a little bit, Merlin got cold and took his shoes off, and got under the blankets, taking his phone out and started looking at it. He was looking up different websites and minding his own business, Arthur was just laying there next to him, on his back, looking up at the ceiling, when suddenly, Merlin's phone buzzed. Shock and then anger, like cold fury, made him throw the phone and it landed in between Arthur's legs.

"What was that?" Arthur asked, sitting up and picking up the phone. He picked up the phone, put in Merlin's code, because he knew it for some reason, and looked at it. "Oh..."

"I'm not answering her, the dumb bitch, she can rot in hell..."

"Oh, come on, Merlin," said Arthur. "You forgave me...doesn't she deserve the same...even a little?"

"I didn't forgive you," said Merlin, sort of coldly. "I'm just pretending...for now, until I do."

Arthur didn't get angry at this, he only looked over at Merlin and smirked. "Fair enough, but don't ruin a friendship over me...I'm not worth that."

"It's not just you, she's a raging whore, and I don't want to deal with it anymore," explained Merlin. "She has zero respect for anyone, if she did...she wouldn't cheat on her boyfriend, or if she did she wouldn't have slept with you."

"Okay...I'm answering for you," said Arthur, and Merlin shouted unknown swear words, and yanked the phone out of Arthur's hands. Arthur followed after it, pinning Merlin down to the bed, trying to get it back. "Give me back the phone, Merlin..." Merlin shook his head, but Arthur kneed him in the ribs at that exact moment and his grip on the phone slipped. Arthur took it back, but still stayed on top of Merlin, as he read the text. " _'I'm sorry I did what I did, I didn't know you would be so upset. Your step brother is very sweet and he was nice to me, he seemed like he really cared for me'._..is she high? I literally couldn't barely talk... _'I don't know why he didn't tell you, he told me he would, because I told him when I woke up that we needed to tell you, I think he was scared you would be mad, but that's not my fault, that's on him. I hope you work it out with him and if you want to talk to me I'm here. I still don't think I deserved the words you called me, I'm not a whore, I'm not doing anything Lance isn't doing at his University. Talk to me, Merlin, if you still want to be friends, if not I understand.'"_

"What a load of shit..." Merlin trailed off, sighing, Arthur looked down at him, as he was still on top of him.

"I don't know...I think she tried, give her a chance..." Arthur started typing on Merlin's phone and pushed send, without Merlin agreeing. "I wrote, _'I'm still really hurt, I need time to think about things, we'll talk when school starts again,'_ that way, you give yourself time to calm the fuck down, and maybe you'll change your mind about cutting her off."

"No, I don't think I will," said Merlin, as his phone buzzed again, and Arthur looked at the text, and his eyes widened. "What does it say?"

"It says; _'Okay...I know you probably don't want to hear it, but can I tell you about it?'_ " Arthur's mouth fell open a little bit, but Merlin wasn't surprised.

"See, no respect for me..."

"Holy shit," Arthur grinned. "This is such an opportunity... _holy shit_." Merlin watched him, type _'Fine, I guess'_ into the phone and hit send, it was then that Merlin slapped him right over the head. "Ow...okay...I know...I know, and I'm sorry, but it's coming right from the horses mouth, god damn...no man should pass that up. The real facts!"

"You're an idiot..." said Merlin, honestly, a little annoyed, and hurt by Arthur...yet again. "You have no respect for me either."

"I do, I swear...I won't read it to you," said Arthur.

"Oh...because that helps," frowned Merlin. His phone buzzed again, and Arthur read the text, with a smirk.

" _'He was really big-'_ "

"Don't take that personally, she says that about every guy...I can name like six really big guys right now. And I thought you weren't going to read it to me..?"

"' _-he was so strong and when he held me down...it was really hot, he asked me if I wanted it soft or rough,'_ I did...? Disgusting. _'And I said rough, and he was really rough...like **really** rough. But at the end he was sweet, he held me and told me he thought I looked pretty in my dress even though I had spilled something on it. And he kisses really good, too...'_"

Merlin said nothing, not for a long time, because he didn't know what to say, because he was too because being jealous and angry again, and he didn't want to shout at Arthur anymore, but he also really wished he had never heard any of that, because it was...just completely not fair. Arthur hadn't said anything else either, after finishing reading, he just stayed there, over top of Merlin, and Merlin really wanted him to move now. He pushed him back and Arthur just fell to the side, and the phone fell between them.

"Well, I hope you're happy," remarked Merlin, because neither of them had said anything, and although he was hurt, he told himself he wasn't going to show it. "And after that if you think I'm going to be friends with her still...you're on more than just pot."

"I wish I was on pot right now..."

"Why?" retorted Merlin. "You asked for it..."

"I know..." said Arthur, slowly. "I just...I don't know, I thought it would make me feel good, but it didn't..."

"You should be happy," retorted Merlin. "Congratulations...you're apparently good at _the sex_."

"I guess I am," shrugged Arthur, and looked at Merlin, eyes darting over different parts of is face. Maybe he could tell, the hurt he felt in his heart, or maybe Merlin was just imagining it, he wasn't sure, but for some reason, Arthur looked sad now. "It's not like it matters" he continued, "...because she didn't mean anything to me."

"Yeah..." Merlin frowned. ""They never do with you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I only have 2 more chapters of this story to post after this, then it will NOT be OVER, just on hiatus until I can write more for it. I am just very busy with college and writing my other story, and you have to write the story you have muse for, so it's hard...because I do WANT to write for this one, but I have better ideas for the other one. I am doing my best though, hold tight and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.)


	31. Chapter 31

They returned home the next day, just Arthur, Merlin and Morgana had, anyway, the two parents were off on their honeymoon and hadn't texted or called once. That was two days ago, Merlin was half expecting either Arthur or Morgana to throw a party, but neither had done so yet, thank God. Merlin didn't want to deal with that. Instead, everyone just kind of sat around and did nothing. After the stress from the wedding and the even more stress (for Merlin, at least,) after the wedding. A few relaxing days were good for the soul.

"What color should I paint my nails?" Morgana was asking from the sofa, while Merlin sat sideways in one of the chairs, in the sitting room. Merlin thought about this for a while, not really thinking about it, because he didn't know. Morgana's nails ranged in colors, from red to green, or purple, blue. Sometimes she did nails that were each a different color, or other times she did them all green but would have one black. Merlin didn't much care, if he were honest.

"Black, like your soul," said Arthur, from somewhere behind Merlin and then he was striding in. Wearing a red hoodie for some reason, even though it was summer. Morgana did a high-pitched fake laugh and continued looking at her catalog of colors. Arthur threw himself onto the sofa and shook her box of nail polishes. She swore at him, and he ignored it. He looked up at Merlin now, with a smile. "Wanna go to the cinema with me and Gwaine?"

Merlin looked over at him. For all intents and purposes Merlin has forgiven Arthur, or at last all had appeared to be so, it was more Merlin pretending to forgive Arthur and Arthur seeming to forget this and acting like everything was fine. Which, maybe that was just how he dealt with things, and it was sort of how Merlin was dealing with this, except for the fact that he wasn't dealing with them very well at all. It had been only about four days, what was he supposed to do? It was still fresh on his mind and fresh on Arthur and every time he looked at Arthur he wanted to throw up. Maybe he was being over dramatic, but all he could think about was them together and now...because of Arthur and his need to be an asshole, he had actual details from their encounter. He deleted those texts from his phone and Gwen's number from it as well. He didn't want to talk to her again, he didn't know if he could ever talk to Arthur the same either.

"No," he answered, after a long pause and Arthur frowned.

"Because of Gwaine? Really...he's not that bad," said Arthur, and it was like he didn't get it. There was a reason he hadn't been staying alone with Arthur at night while he watched the telly, a reason why Merlin stayed in bed longer and stayed in his room, even though his Mother wasn't around so he didn't really have to, and there was a reason why he wanted to stay near Morgana. It was simple, he didn't want to be alone with Arthur, he didn't want to talk to him. Not that Merlin thought he would do something or say something, Arthur seemed fit to forget all about it, but Merlin couldn't, and that was the thing.

"No, it's not about Gwaine," said Merlin then. "I don't care about Gwaine, I'm not interested in any movies right now..."

Arthur sighed and pouted a bit, but Merlin turned away from him and instead looked at the telly, he stare at it blankly. He wasn't really paying attention to it at all, he was instead trying to ignore Arthur's presence.

"I think I'll do gold," Morgana said then. "It's a royal color, I am a queen after all..."

"A Queen of the slags, maybe..."

Arthur got slapped in the face for that, Merlin didn't see, but he could hear it. He also thought it was quite deserved, he wished he could slap Arthur, too. It was a problem, because Merlin had thought his anger was over, he had been mad the day he found out, but it had washed away. They had had their words and then Arthur had helped him with his hair and it seemed alright...it seemed like Merlin could get over it. But every so often, every once in awhile, Merlin would get so angry he didn't know what to do with himself. The pervious night, he had to stop himself from lighting Arthur's car on fire. This had to be an imbalance. How could Merlin be this upset over something that shouldn't really matter to him? He knew Gwen was a whore...and knew Arthur was a whore, so when two whores meet each other, what else is supposed to happen? It's was Merlin's fault really, because he shouldn't have said Gwen could come to the wedding, but he had been under the impression he could trust Arthur. That was obviously not true, he understood this now.

So, then...why was Merlin still so mad, still so hurt? He knew the answer, of course, he had already come up with it. He felt jaded, simply enough. Heartbroken, even more simply. But that was stupid, because he and Arthur were not in a relationship, were not anything, anything but now step brothers, so it shouldn't matter. But it continued to matter. Merlin got up, and headed out of the room, he felt tears burning the corners of his eyes and he didn't want to start crying in front of them. But this happened way too much with Arthur around, another reason he didn't want to be near him.

Merlin went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, he wasn't hungry, but he should probably be thirsty or something, so he pulled out a bottle of water. These were his mother's special bottles of water, she used them when she felt hungry, instead of food, so he could fit into her wedding dress better. She would be angry if she saw him drinking one, so he took two. He was just feeling spiteful, a year of bullshit all piling up on him at one time, making him want to explode. He slammed his fist down on the counter, as he drank deeply from the forbidding water.

His mother didn't buy him a new suit but had bought everyone else new clothes for the wedding, she didn't even let him be IN the wedding. A few weeks ago Uther had plainly said he would not pay for Merlin to go to Uni, simply because he wasn't really his son, but Merlin could get a job and pay into a fund for his own university. Arthur was a fucking whore...who continuously has been a whore and Merlin was too stupid to see it. He had allowed himself to fall in love with this idiot...and for what reason? Because Arthur had been nice...it was all bullshit. Everything was bullshit.

Merlin felt so overwhelmingly pissed off at that moment that he took the bottle he had been drinking out of and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall and water went everywhere, and now he would have to clean that up and it didn't even help the pain go away in his chest.

"If you break things in there, I am not held responsible!" yelled Morgana from the sitting room. No, it would be Merlin's fault as always. Maybe he was having a heart attack, he thought, as he grabbed a towel and walked over to clean up the water. Then, they would all be sorry for treating Merlin so poorly. But then he thought, no, his mother would probably just put his body in the bin and leave it for the garbage men to collect. What a lovely thought...

Even though it was a reusable towel, Merlin threw it away anyway, along with the bottle and went upstairs. He thought about packing his stuff, but where would he go? "To hell..." he whispered, as he fell into his bed. The dog was bouncing up and down, attacking Merlin's head, with happiness to see his owner. As he had been napping in the bed before. "At least you like me..." he said to the dog, who licked his nose.

Merlin hadn't eaten dinner, hell...he hadn't even eaten lunch and it was only just passed four, but Merlin went to bed. He didn't wake up the next day until noon and he thought there must be something seriously wrong with him. Instead of going downstairs to find food, Merlin got on his phone and started searching things, bu _t 'why does my chest hurt and I want to sleep so much,'_ only led him to something about having a heart attack and he didn't really think he was actually having a heart attack. He continued to lay there, even after he got off his phone. He knew he was being a bad parent, because Dragoon would really need to go out, but Merlin couldn't be bothered to get up. He didn't want to go downstairs, and see them...

So, instead he closed his eyes again and didn't worry about the dog. He would go on the floor and Merlin wouldn't even care, he wouldn't even tell him he was bad, because Merlin was the bad one. He was awful...

Suddenly there was a lot of shouting and the door to his room burst open. In walked Morgana screaming at the top of her voice and Arthur, who Merlin did not want to see at all, looking stressed. "MERLIN!" Morgana screamed. "HOLY SHIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"If this is about the dog...I know, I don't care," said Merlin, looking through heavy eyes. Morgana stare at him.

"We thought you were dead..." she said. "I hadn't seen you since yesterday...have you-" she stared around the room. There was a very obvious smell of piss and shit and Merlin didn't care. "Have you been asleep all this time?"

"I think so, yeah..." Merlin answered, and he noticed how Arthur hadn't said anything at all. He was only first, looking around in horror, looking at Merlin in horror and then walked around the bed, picked up the dog and walked out. Maybe he was taking him outside. Merlin hoped, maybe at least for a minute Arthur could be useful.

"Are you okay, Merlin?" said Morgana then, and this was the most raw Morgana had ever sounded. Nothing like herself at all, her voice was full of worry and fear, and it honestly made Merlin feel great. It was about time someone started to worry about him. "Are you sick?"

"My chest hurts here," Merlin pointed to the spot in the center of his chest that hurt. "And I have a headache..."

"Maybe we should go to a doctor..."

Merlin shook his head. "No, I googled it, it says if I was having a heart attack I would be dead by now, so I think I'm fine."

Morgana stared at him. "I'm going to go get Arthur, I...I don't like this at all."

"No!" Merlin said then, quickly, as she was turning around to leave. She stopped and looked at him. "Please _don't_ get him..."

Morgana let out a long sigh, she understood now, what was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: So, I literally just rewrote this chapter yesterday, to reflect the new way I am going about this story. I can't even say how many different versions of this story I have come up with. But I am happy with this one so far. But I also know it's been a really long time since I've updated and I really wanted to get something out. So, if there are errors, sorry. I hope you enjoy it....I mean, it's really sad, so maybe enjoy is not the word. I wrote it so fast, it like flew from my finger tips. But rereading it, it made me really sad, like really. Which is good, I think...because Merlin's situation is really quite depressing.)


	32. Chapter 32

People seemed to forget Merlin was not deaf, or maybe they just didn't care. Because they really liked to let Merlin catch them talking about him. his mother and Uther do it all the time and now Morgana and Arthur were doing it. Merlin had been coming down the stairs, trying to go get something to eat, because he had now spent two whole days holed up in his room and Morgana had only been bringing him soup, as if that would help anything. Merlin didn't have a cold, but she didn't seem to know what else to do. Now however, Merlin stood on the last step of the stairs, listening as Morgana and Arthur argued in the hall, about him...of course.

"I don't understand what's wrong with him..."

"Hunith treats him like rubbish and you're the first one to admit it," Morgana was yelling at Arthur. "You're all for recognizing it at once, but if it's you whose causing him the problem, you don't see it? You don't understand..?" She let out a huff and paused, in that time Arthur didn't say anything either. "He doesn't need your bullshit on top of everything else."

"How am I supposed to fix it?" said Arthur then. "I thought we were okay..."

"You need to understand the damage you caused, stop giving excuses," argued Morgana. "Be a man and take responsibility. You and Uther never fucking do that...just admit you were wrong, _for once._ "

"I DID!" Arthur shouted back.

"But you don't mean it, you still don't think you were wrong...you think you can do whatever you want, like you're something special and _you're not!"_ Morgana shot back, loudly and very viciously. Arthur didn't say anything and there was another long pause. "...out of the two of us he was closer to you...you're not stupid, Arthur, you know what it is."

"What do you mean _was_?"

"You put a fucking wall right between you two by betraying him. Do you think it will ever be the same again?"

There was another pause and then, "I don't know..."

There was a lot of shuffling around then and Merlin didn't exactly know what to do, so he turned and went up four steps and then turned back around, by the time he did this Arthur was at the bottom of the steps. He didn't look at Merlin nor say anything, as he pushed passed him to go up the stairs. Merlin wasn't sure if he had wanted him to say anything or not. He walked into the kitchen now and Morgana was aggressively throwing a pot on the stove, it made a loud bang as she did. She was clearly very irritated from the conversation she had just had with her brother and Merlin didn't mean to be causing so many problems. But he had to think, that it wasn't really his fault and they fought all the time anyway.

"No more soup, please," said Merlin and Morgan jumped a little, turning around now and her look was dark until she realized it was Merlin.

"Soup is good for you," she argued, but her features had lightened and now she was just standing there looking at Merlin, like he might drop dead or something.

"It's too hot out for soup..."

"What do you want instead?"

"Ice cream would be good," Merlin smiled and Morgana rolled her eyes. Forgoing the pot, she walked over to the freezer and pulled it open.

"How about an ice poppy?"

"Ugh...fine, but I won't like it."

Merlin in no way felt better, or at all healed, no matter now much soup Morgana pumped into him. But he loved Morgana, he really did and he saw no reason not to treat her with the respect and kindness she deserved.

"I want you to get dressed and come out with me," she was saying now. "I'm going to mall with my friend Mordred, you can come."

Merlin's face turned up in distaste at the idea. " No, thanks."

"You need to get out, you spend all day and night in your room..."

"I like it in there, all of my stuff is in there...my dog is there, my guitar," as Merlin said this, he realized both things had been given to him by Arthur and he wanted to die slightly again. "Ugh..." he said out loud, without meaning to. Morgana noticed and frowned. "I really don't need to go...I don't want to be a third-wheel."

"It's not a date, he's gayer than you," said Morgana. Merlin glared at her.

"Leave me alone..."

"I was kidding, Merlin..." she said, with a smile. "But no, really...you should go."

"I need to figure out what I am doing with my life, Morgana, I don't need to go to the mall."

"You're sixteen, Merlin, not thirty-two...you don't need to figure everything out yet," Morgana retorted and maybe Merlin hadn't really meant to say that, even if he had been thinking it a lot the last few days. It had just sort of came out.

"I hate my life," he admitted now, though he saw no reason why this should be shocking to her. She still frowned either way. "I want to find a way to make it better." That used to be Arthur, but it couldn't be anymore. He had been the little light where there was otherwise a Hunith sized blackness, but he had tainted his light now and Merlin needed something else to hold onto. He didn't add any of that part though.

"Okay," said Morgana, but Merlin could tell she was bothered by this, that she was worried. She had a right to be, but at the same time Merlin had a right to be miserable, he had a right not to be passive anymore either. Maybe he still couldn't do anything about his mother, maybe he never could, but he didn't need her. He hadn't needed her all of his life and now, because he had no other choice he was stuck with her...but it didn't always have to be this way.

Merlin ate the rest of his poppy alone, because Morgana left. Either because her worry had gotten too much for her and she couldn't look at him anymore or because she needed to get ready to go to the mall. Either way, once Merlin was done, he went back upstairs to his room. Fifteen minutes later Morgana stuck her head into his room and told him she was leaving, he barely heard her, as he searched on his phone for jobs. He had deiced last night that he needed to work, not fulltime as he had to go to school, but part time. Start saving up money now, for a flat...

He needed to make changes in his life and he wasn't going to wait forever, he wasn't going to wait for them to happen to him. He was going to make them happen himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: So, I saw someone say (and I don't know if it was here or the other place I post this story,) that they hope I make a sequel and I don't know if I said this or not at some point, but I am not ending this now, I am not making a sequel, I just continued on with the story. Because I changed how I wanted the story to go and it really made no sense to end it while all the drama with Gwen was happening. So, that being said, I have no idea how many chapters this will be. I now have it up to around 40, I've written about like 8 chapters (a surge or inspiration hit me, lowkey,) since I updated last. So, I have no idea how many chapters it will be total, but I'm not really worried about it, they're not too terribly long chapters, so it should be fine. Also, I know this chapter is kinda short (even for this story,) but the next one will be longer. I hope you enjoy!!)


	33. Chapter 33

After a good hour of Merlin being in his room and bored, he got hungry again. A blue popsicle was not enough to eat, he needed some real food. He headed back downstairs and into the kitchen. He didn't know what he wanted, really, and there weren't many options to choose from, as no one had done the shopping in days. Merlin decided cheese on toast would have to do. He put on the oven and went into the fridge. There had to be cheese, everyone has cheese. Cheese is not something you run out of, you just keep on buying more until there was one whole drawer in your fridge that was just different types of cheese.

Or at least that's how it would be in a perfect world, however in the real one there was no cheese. except a big block of cheddar that seemed rather suspect. Cheddar was Merlin's least favorite cheese, he was a provolone man himself. So, he would just have to add that to the list of disappointments in his life. Either way, Merlin took the block of cheese and got a knife, and started chopping. As he chopped and chopped, he heard something behind him. At first he had thought it was just the dog, who had followed him downstairs because he too was hungry. And when Merlin had glanced behind him, no one had been there.

"You could have at least used a cutting board," someone said. Merlin hadn't forgotten Arthur was home, by any means, but his voice sometimes sounded a lot like Uther's and it sent him. He jumped, just as he chopped and instead of slicing the cheese, he sliced his finger. Not too bad, not like he needed it sown back on. But it hurt like a bitch and it was now bleeding.

"Ow!" he yelled and dropped the knife, whipping around to glare at Arthur. "What do you think you are doing, sneaking up on people like that?!"

Arthur's eyes flashed with worry, but then narrowed. "I was not sneaking up on anyone, I walked into my own kitchen!"

"Why anyway?" retorted Merlin and maybe that didn't make any sense. "To bother me?"

"No, believe it or not my life does not revolve around you..."

Merlin had quite enough of this all of a sudden, and forgoing his cheese on toast, he marched out of the kitchen, or tried to at least. Arthur grabbed his arm as he did, jerking him back. "Let me see," he said, and forced Merlin's hand to show him his cut. It was a semi-ish deep cut on his left pointer finger. He yanked his hand back.

"I can take care of myself."

"Stop being an asshole!"

"I'm being the asshole?" Merlin shot back. "I don't think so..."

" _Stop_ ," said Arthur and then dragged him, by the injured hand, to the guest bathroom. Merlin didn't argue, but he sure did pout the entire time. After pushing Merlin into the door to open it and shoving him inside, Arthur stopped being so rough, or touching him at all, as he rummaged through one of the drawers by the sink. Merlin thought of leaving, but he didn't, he waited. Arthur wetted a cloth, wordlessly and offered his hand, Merlin placed his injured one into it. "You know I'm not trying to argue with you...I don't want to fight."

"It's not even about arguing," said Merlin, as Arthur dabbed the cool cloth and it turned from white to red, from the blood. "I'm not angry..."

"Then, what is it...?" asked Arthur. "Because I thought we went through this already..."

"I can't look at you the same way again," said Merlin, and it was the truth, so he had no choice but to say it. "We might have went through it, but then you disrespect me and use me to get her to answer questions about you...that just means you didn't learn anything at all from it."

"What the fuck was a I supposed to learn?" offered Arthur then, and although his voice had grown in volume, he continued to press lightly on Merlin's cut, to stop the bleeding. "Do you want me to be celibate, to give up sex...is that what you wanted me to learn?"

"No," Merlin said, and then made a very annoyed growl with his throat. "I'm not going to even bother with you, you don't get it..."

"No, I obviously don't fucking get it," retorted Arthur, angry and rather loudly. "Just tell me what you want from me... _just fucking tell me_!"

"I don't want anything from you!" Merlin shouted back, trying to pull his hand anyway, but Arthur wouldn't let him go. "Let me go..."

"No," shouted Arthur. "You want something, because if you didn't you wouldn't be acting like some fucking broken hearted side bitch. It didn't involve you, Merlin...yeah, I get it, she was your friend. But I've been with Morgana's friends too and she didn't act like this. So, fuck off with this bullshit already and tell me the truth!"

Merlin got his hand loose finally and went to walk around Arthur, he wasn't going to stand here and listen to this, he didn't want to talk to Arthur let alone argue with him. He just wanted to be left alone. But Arthur stopped him, he grabbed him by the arm and yanked him back. _"Let me go!"_ yelled Merlin, as he tried to push Arthur away. "Leave me alone!"

Merlin tried to break free and Arthur grabbed his shoulders instead now, and pushed him back, back against the wall, between the towel rack and the toilet. Merlin let out a shout, just a yell, of frustration and Arthur shoved him against the wall harder. "Shut up!" he yelled at him. "Stop trying to run away!"

"I want to get away from you," retorted Merlin. "But you're just a bully, a child who if he doesn't get his way, he's pissed off..."

"What does that even mean?" Arthur shot back. "You're the one acting like a little bitch because of some bullshit that doesn't even matter! She didn't mean _anything_ , Merlin, why can't you get that?!"

"I get it, but that doesn't change anything!"

"Why not...?"

"Because all I see now is you with her, when I look at you, when I think about you and...and it hurts too much."

_"WHY?!"_ Arthur shouted. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET IT GO AND BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, DO YOU THINK I _WANT_ TO HURT YOU?!" And Merlin couldn't take anymore, there he was, pinned to the wall by Arthur, who was shouting in his face, and maybe Merlin was shouting back too, and his finger hurt now, and no matter how much he had tried not to cry in front of them, it started anyway. Big, ugly tears rolled down his face and he didn't know what to say, he didn't want to say anything at all, he just wanted to go, he wanted to run away. But Arthur wasn't letting him. "Merlin..." he said now, his voice much calmer, not a yell at all, but almost a whisper. "Just..."

_Just what?_ Merlin didn't know and he didn't think Arthur did either. Arthur looked over him for a second, he looked confused and pensive and still a little angry, his eyes flashed over Merlin's face rapidly, Merlin knew this was all happening with in seconds, but it felt very slow to him, like slow motion. Arthur's eyes met his for a second and Merlin knew they were red and full of tears, he could still feel said tears rolling over his cheeks, but he couldn't wipe them away because Arthur still held him there, against the wall.

Arthur leaned forward suddenly, and this troubled Merlin, for a whole of five seconds, before he understood what was happening and it was too late. Arthur's lips crashed upon his and it felt as if he had been head butted in the face. That's how hard it was, and Merlin couldn't quite believe it. Because, although Merlin had thought about this sort of thing lots of times before, it felt very strange to him now and confusing. _Just, very confusing_. Merlin gasped.

And gasping was probably not the right thing to do, if he did not want this kissing to continue, because the gasp opened his mouth a little bit and now it wasn't just lips very, _very_ firmly pressed against his own, but now said lips were moving. Merlin's stomach turned, but not in a bad way, it felt like a million butterflies had just taken flight at one time. Merlin's lips were moving now too, even though he hadn't exactly told them to, they just started doing it, syncing themselves with the way Arthur's moved, and the kiss got a lot deeper, very quickly after that.

Merlin's eyes fluttered shut and Arthur tilted his head to the left, hands slipping down from Merlin's shoulders to around his waist, gently pulling him closer to his body. Merlin's hands, one finger still hurting, tangled into the sides of Arthur's shirt. Kissing wasn't entirely what Merlin had expected it to be like, it was very spitty, much more so than he ever thought it would be. He couldn't really breathe, and with how hard Arthur was kissing him, it felt like he was trying to pull something out from deep within him.

This was not to say he didn't like it, because he did. Arthur's lips were soft, but demanding and controlling, and Merlin felt lost in it. Not in control of anything anymore at all, not that he normally was anyway. But now it was Arthur's hands that were everywhere on Merlin's sides, Arthur who controlled the type of kiss, slow, or quick, or very, very grossly needy, which is what this one was now. It was he who pressed their bodies together and he whose tongue slipped across Merlin's bottom lip, making him gasp again. It was only fitting that it was Arthur in control, because he knew what he was doing, while Merlin had no idea...

He wasn't even sure if this was considered kissing anymore or making out. He didn't want to think about the fact that he might be making out with his step brother in the loo while their parents were on their honeymoon, after he had almost just cut his finger off. He didn't want to think about it, but now he was, and then Arthur seemed to be as well and then he was pulling away. That part was kind of gross, Merlin thought, because there was a lot of spit and he didn't know if it was considered rude to wipe your mouth...he thought maybe it was a little.

Arthur looked very concerned at him now, clearly having the same moral dilemma that Merlin was. Merlin didn't know what to say about anything, their argument before, what the hell they were doing now or what exactly was going on here. "Thanks," he did say, and the look Arthur gave him said he thought this was very strange to say, so Merlin had better continue. "For ruining my first kiss..." This wasn't entirely true, it didn't feel ruined exactly, just very confusing and strange. Not the kissing either, that was nice, what was strange was the situation. "I had my first kiss with my step brother in the loo...I better just call Jeremy Kyle now..."

Arthur laughed, "Merlin...I...don't really-,"

"Listen...just don't talk," said Merlin then, and it was only then that Arthur released his grip on him. "I don't want to talk about it, I'm not going to say anything if you don't."

The face Arthur made then said he was disgusted by that thought. "I'm not some pedo, for fucks sake..."

"I didn't say that, I only mean...-"

"Stop, I didn't mean to do that, I really didn't. But I'm not sorry about it either, alright?"

" _Alright..._ " Merlin answered and he really didn't know what to do now. "Let's just...not mention any of this stuff again. Any of it, the kissing...the Gwen. I don't want to argue, I don't want to be at odds..."

Arthur shrugged and Merlin slipped away from him, heading to the door. There was just something hanging in the air between them now and Merlin didn't think either of them could take figuring out what it was. "I'm sorry," Arthur was saying then. "...that your first kiss had to be in the loo with your step brother."

Merlin didn't say anything as he left, because he wasn't mad, not really, just more confused than anything else. Because, alright...maybe he would have rather it been with Arthur than anyone else, but how did it end up happening anyway? This was something he wanted to ask, but knew he shouldn't, so he didn't and just left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I know I just updated last night, but honestly I feel like I neglected this story for months and I have the content, so I want to share it. I hope you enjoy the chapter!! Also, a little side note of something that bothered me (and as the writer I could have fixed it, but I didn't because there wasn't REALLY a need to, but...) no one turned off the oven, I'm like oh my god....anyway, that's all.)


	34. Chapter 34

It was the day, after a week and a half, it was finally the day. Merlin sat in the rec room, fingers fiddling with the keys of the piano, but every so often he would check his watch. 4:30 PM was when their plane got in, which means, as it was half passed five, they should be here any moment. They hadn't called or anything, to say they had returned safety. Uther had only called Arthur once the whole time, to, in Arthur's words, 'make sure they weren't dead.' Now, Merlin could understand they were on their honeymoon and whatever, but that just made it seem, even more so, that they didn't really care.

There was loud banging coming from outside, and Merlin knew his own personal vacation was over now. He got up and headed out, knowing that if he did what they did and didn't go see them, and did not fake that he cared, well...then he was just rude and ungrateful. So, Merlin walked into the foyer, to shouting as the front door burst open, as Hunith stomped in and slammed the door behind her.

_"Pack!"_ she yelled at Merlin and for a second, he was taken aback by this. He hadn't done anything to warrant this, so he only stare at her. By now, both Arthur and Morgana walked in. Arthur from the sitting room and Morgana from upstairs. Hunith glared at each of them equally, which made Merlin feel a little bit better, honestly. "Cheating scum!" she continued to yell and Merlin wasn't sure if she meant him or not, but then she continued. "I did not know your Father cheated on his first wife!"

"My mother?" offered Arthur, with his own level of confusion. "Yeah..."

"I thought she had just died!"

"No...I mean, where do you think Morgana came from?" offered Arthur. Hunith frowned and gave him a very dirty look.

"I thought you had the same mother and she had just died..."

_"No_ ," said Arthur, glaring back now, too. Because, it was kind of rude to keep bringing up the fact that Arthur's mother was dead, Merlin could easily see Arthur was getting annoyed with it. "Morgana doesn't look anything like us. My hair is blond and my dad's is... _was_ dark brown. Where did you think she got her black hair from?"

Hunith pondered this for a long time, then shot Morgana a nasty look and rushed up stairs. The three of them looked at each other with confusion, and then the door flew open again, and this time Uther came in. Throwing their luggage onto the ground. "Where did she go?!" he demanded, as he did this. Merlin pointed up stairs, Uther shook his head and aimed a kick at one of the suitcases. "Insane bitch, has been on my case the whole trip...said I looked at our waitresses backside on our first night...didn't let it go after that."

"Why is she talking about Morgana's mum?" Arthur asked and Uther looked stressed enough to smoke something and shook his head.

"I made an offhanded comment, I hadn't been thinking..." said Uther. "It wasn't as if I hid it from her, I thought she knew. I'm sure I told her you two had different mothers, but _oh_ did that do her in..."

Uther sighed dramatically and went up the stairs now, leaving the bags on the ground, forgotten. Morgana waited until they were sure he was up the steps before she said anything. "Typical," she commented and Arthur nodded. "She has been waiting for this."

"She's sowing those seeds already," said Arthur now. "I must say, she has balls...starting after two weeks of marriage, the last woman at least waited three months before starting the bullshit."

"I can only hear the story she'll be telling the lawyers," retorted Morgana now, and Merlin didn't know what to say, he only just stood here watching them. This was his mother after all, and he thought he should be defending her at least a little, but the sad truth is he agreed with them. "He's a cheater...well, no shit, lady!"

" _HE'S CHEATING ON ME_!" said Arthur in a loud, girly voice. " _I CANNOT TRUST HIM EVER AGAIN, HE LOOKED AT THE ASS OF ANOTHER WOMAN, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME...UGH!_ " Arthur faked a gasp and held his chest. Morgana rolled her eyes at him. "...maybe this time he'll learn."

"He won't, he's never going to," complained Morgana. "I don't doubt, four months after this, he'll bring home another stupid bitch wanting his money or his country."

Arthur sighed, almost as dramatically as Uther had and his eyes finally landed on Merlin. "I think that in the divorce settlement we should get custody of Merlin..."

Morgana looked over at Merlin then, and she smiled at him. "I think so, if not...we'll just have to steal him."

"Um," Merlin muttered. "Thanks, I think...?"

There was no peace in the house even after days. Whenever Hunith or Uther were around there was just an energy that was very off, the tension was high between them and Merlin took to staying away from them even more so than he did usually. Hunith refused to talk to anyone and Uther was now convinced he could make this better if he just showered his new wife with gifts. He brought home flowers every day and some days he also brought home small boxes of jewelry. More than once Merlin had seen his mother throw away the flowers, but still pocket the small boxes. Even after a week of this, the same fight could still be heard down the hall when Merlin walked from his bedroom to the loo and then back. It could still be heard now, a Saturday, an entre seven days since they had returned. Merlin tried to ignore it, as he sat, once again, in the rec room, fiddling with the piano keys.

Arthur had walked in, after abut an hour of Merlin being there, he looked somewhere between annoyed and amused. He shut the door behind him and came and sat down next to Merlin on the piano bench. He touched one of the lower keys as he sat and laid his head down on Merlin's shoulder. They didn't speak at all as he had done this. They hadn't really spoken about much, not about Gwen and not about what happened in the loo. And Merlin didn't want to admit that what had happened in the bathroom helped him...not forgive Arthur, but kind of, a little. Not entirely of course, but it helped Merlin stop focusing so harshly on it. Whenever he looked at Arthur, he didn't just see him with Gwen now, he also saw that moment and maybe that was a very bad thing, Merlin really didn't know. But he could also see that Arthur was genuinely sorry, he had not meant to hurt Merlin and Merlin, so used to his mother hurting him and not caring, he couldn't see that for a while. He did now, and in no way did he forget about it or the hurt he felt, but he was willing to let it go, knowing Arthur understood it had hurt him and that hadn't been his intention, and also the kissing was really, very nice and it kept him awake most nights just thinking about it. So, that did something to take his mind off it. 

"What are you doing?" asked Arthur then, as if it was unclear what Merlin had been doing. Merlin smirked.

"Stuff..."

"What kind of stuff...?"

"Just... _stuff._ "

"Song stuff?"

"Maybe," commented Merlin, offhanded. And then, Arthur looked up at him, with a real smile and the brightest, purest eyes Merlin had ever seen anyone have. It was as if the person who owned these eyes was the purest person in the entire world. Which, as Arthur was a Pendragon, and Merlin knew him, that was not true in the slightest.

"You could write me a song?" he offered then, and Merlin pulled a face.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked, but he wrote songs about Arthur all the time. Not that he would ever admit that, _not ever._

"I don't know..."

"Your ego is big enough."

" _Ooh._...not very nice, are we, Merlin?"

"No," Merlin retorted.

"That's very rude, I would write a song about you, if you asked me."

Merlin rolled his eyes, very dramatically. He thought, if he really wanted to be literal, pretty much every song Merlin wrote, if about feelings at all, was about Arthur. Arthur really, just had no idea. Merlin toyed, for a second, with what it might be like to tell Arthur this, to just say; _'I'm kind of a little bit crazy about you...in the worst way possible,'_ and then Merlin thought that these were pretty good song lyrics. So, the problem of all of the songs he writes being about Arthur, only continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Happy Halloween!!! I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's kinda short and not very important, but don't worry, the storms are brewing. Enjoy!!)


	35. Chapter 35

Another thing Uther thought would be a good idea, a way to take their minds off of their 'troubles,' was to throw an end of summer pool party for all of their friends. Their friends being mostly Uther's friends, and a select few of Morgana and Arthur's friends. As, Hunith didn't have any friends and the only friend Merlin ever did have, slept with Arthur and was otherwise a giant whore. Although, Uther...who knew none of this, had offered Merlin to invite Gwen. Merlin polity declined that offer. Planning a party, no matter how normal or mundane it was supposed to be, turned Merlin's mother into a lunatic. This meant of course, Hunith turned into a bridezilla again. She was just a party-zilla, like no matter the occation...it just had to be her way and what _SHE_ wanted, as if no one else mattered.

She wanted a tropical theme, because she hadn't been allowed to go somewhere tropical for their honeymoon. She bought tekki torches and grass skirts for the tables, she had fruit shaped into flowers and hired a man who would spend the whole night just opening coconuts for people to drink out of. And it being a party and her clearly having someone to impress, be it just herself maybe, Hunith thought she needed a new swimsuit. She and Morgana had gone out and were gone all day only to come back with tiny bags. And of course, even though she bought a new swimsuit, when Merlin pointed out his old bathing suit was from two years ago and was probably too small for him now, Hunith didn't really seem to care.

"I'm sure it will still fit," she had said, offhanded. "If it doesn't just do not go swimming..." when he didn't like that idea at all, because he hardly wanted to be at a party ( he didn't even want to be at the party in the first place,) where everyone else was wearing swimming clothes and he was in jeans and a tee shirt. "Then do not go at all, I am sure no one will mind if you stay in your room..."

Arthur, who had been eating eggs at this point in the conversation, started choking and looked quite angary, but Merlin only made a show of rolling his eyes and didn't mention it again. Merlin knew Arthur and Morgana wouldn't allow him not to go, and Uther would probably be offended, as he did get offended rather easily. About everything, even when it didn't involve him. If it wasn't for the fact that they were a thousand percent wrong for each other, Hunith and Uther were almost perfect for each other in the selfishness area.

On the invites Hunith had made it quite clear, even though it was a pool party, everyone had to be covered while not in the pool. This meant ladies had to wear slips over their swimsuits and men had to wear shirts, only because, and she stressed this point a lot, that she didn't trust Uther not to look at these woman. But Merlin thought, the day of the party, as he stood in his room and yanked his swimming shorts up his legs, that these woman were mostly going to be old anyway, so what did she care if Uther looked? Why would Uther _want_ to look? He probably didn't. Merlin looked at himself now, and groaned in distaste. It looked like he was wearing a Speedo too big for him, because the shorts were so short, you could see pretty much all of Merlin's very white, milky thighs.

Merlin put on a plain, white tee shirt and headed down the stairs now. The party had already started, Hunith had taken to putting on Hawaiian-like music early that afternoon, but now it only got louder, as guests filed through the front door. They were ushered in through the door by Uther, who guided the guests through the kitchen, where there was an assortment of different finger sandwiches and fruits. They were then showed to the pool, though the permanently opened sliding back door, where the indoor pool was located. Out there, on a table, was where the fruity acholic drinks were and next to it, in a giant red cooler filled with ice, was beers of all kinds.

"Nice thighs," someone said behind him, from where Merlin was standing now, between the guest loo and laundry room, in front of the kitchen, watching all the people walking in and looking impressed. Well, at least Hunith would be pleased they were impressed. Merlin turned and saw Arthur there, wearing red swim trunks and no shirt, because he didn't care what Hunith said, he hardly cared what Uther said. Which, wasn't really true, Arthur only pretended not to care what his father said, pretending was really Arthur's M.O.

"Don't look at my thighs!" retorted Merlin, looking at Arthur, instead of the people, with a glare. Arthur only smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Where else am I supposed to look?" promoted Arthur, eyes casting over Merlin's body and landing on Merlin's legs.

"I don't care," said Merlin then, leaning forward and shoving Arthur through the backdoor. "Go away."

"Alright..." said Arthur, almost offhanded, but his voice was thick and full of something else. "Suppose I know what I'll be dreaming about later."

This comment struck Merlin, as his eyes widened, watching as Arthur walked out, not even turning back to catch Merlin's reaction to what he had said. Arthur made comments sometimes, stupid little things, he had called Merlin cute before, in what Merlin assumed was a patronizing way. But he had never said something like _that._ Maybe he hadn't meant to say it like that, maybe he meant it another way, and part of Merlin hoped he did, but then there were other parts...like his heart, that was now fluttering in his throat and making blood rush to his ears.

Merlin couldn't stop thinking about it though, his words, for the rest of the day, as the party carried on. He kind of just stood off, in the corner, watching as Morgana talked to some guy with red-ish brown, curly hair, at one of the sitting tables Hunith had set up. Every so often, Morgana would hike the slip Hunith forced the woman to wear, up her leg and Merlin knew the guy noticed every single time. He would try very hard not to look, but did so anyway. Arthur however, was just in the pool, not really talking to anyone, and every so often he would get out, pass Merlin to go get a beer and then walk back to the pool. And Merlin's eyes were on him every time, even though he tried not to look, kind of like the guy with Morgana's leg and Merlin knew this was bad and he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it.

Arthur was just strutting around, shirtless and wet and it was ridiculously unfair of him and Merlin knew he noticed all of this, too. Because once, as he passed, he looked over and caught Merlin's eyes staring and he winked... _the son of a bitch winked_! Merlin wanted to die. After this, Merlin decided to go back into the house. He took to just standing where he had been earlier and looking around. He was really rubbish at parties, he didn't know what to do or who to talk to, he was just so out of place. Uther came in after a few minutes of Merlin standing there, and Merlin wanted to walk away then, because he saw no real need to be around Uther, but Uther seemed to have different plans.

He walked right over to Merlin, with a grin. Clearly, he was a little drunk. He almost tripped over the red night robe he was wearing, it looked like it was meant for old men who wanted to sleep naked but their wives wouldn't let them, though that was besides the point really. Because now, Uther was talking to him. "Some party your mother's put together."

Merlin nodded and he supposed it was nice, just not for him. "Yeah..."

Uther nodded also, clearly and very obviously not having much to say to Merlin, which was fine by Merlin. Uther's eye's, instead, roamed around the room and his eyes landed on a girl in the kitchen. Now, this girl was different for many reasons. One, because she wore an emerald dress instead of a bathing suit at all, and was probably the second youngest woman here. Morgana being the first, then this girl, then Hunith...every other woman here was old and that being said, it was still mostly men.

"That's Elena," explained Uther now. "She's the new bride of one of my clients, Aredian...the bastard." Merlin looked over at Uther as he said this, confused. Why was he calling this man a bastard? Was he jealous of him? Merlin supposed Elena was better looking than his mother, but still. "He's a dirty, pig of a man...her father, also one of mine, must be beside himself with sick..."

"Right," said Merlin, wanting to walk away now, but Uther continued on anyway.

"Aredian's old money, I'm sure he'll pay her way well."

Merlin nodded, but he really had nothing to say to this, Uther was clearly suggesting this girl had married this man for money and somehow...in Uther's circle, this made a lot of sense. Arthur walked in then, eyes traveling over Merlin and then Uther, he pulled a face of confusion at the two of them standing together and instead walked over to the food. Elena was still there, and when Arthur walked over she smiled kindly at him and started to talk to him. Being polite, probably. Arthur started talking back, like a normal person would, and then Uther laughed.

"Aredian better watch out," he said, happily. As if threatening a man's marital life was normal for him, it probably was. "Arthur is young, fit, good looking...Elena would be a fool not to be interested."

"Yeah, well..." said Merlin, feeling rather irritated about this all of a sudden, for one reason or another. "She's married so...it doesn't really matter if she is."

"That's never stopped Arthur before," said Uther then and Merlin rolled his eyes. "Just look at her smile...she fancies the boy, I can tell," Uther went on and Merlin huffed. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but Arthur was grinning and pointing to something on the counter, Elena was nodding along and smiling quite brightly. It might be innocent, but knowing Arthur like Merlin did, it probably wasn't. "You know how Arthur is...he always gets what he wants."

And Merlin, well...he couldn't argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: These next few chapters begs the question; "What IS Arthur thinking?" I suppose we will never know..... >.> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!)


	36. Chapter 36

It was much later in the party, said party had probably gone on much longer than an old person's party should go on for. Merlin was cold, he hadn't been in the pool, but the doors to the back garden and to the pool had been open all day and now it was night. Which meant, there was a draft and Merlin, whose thighs still gleamed with whiteness, were now very chilled. Merlin wanted to go up to his room, but when he had tried, Hunith had come out of nowhere, so it seemed, and yelled at him for trying to leave. She was the one who had said he didn't even have to come in the first place. But her words, when she had yelled, were rather slurred, so Merlin assumed she was just drunk and didn't know any better.

So now, Merlin just sat in the sitting room, wrapped up in a blanket he had found in the cupboard in Uther's office. It was burgundy and smelled like dust and cigars, but Merlin didn't mind it too much, it was soft. He sat there, listening to the shouts and laughter of the party still going strong and the lull of tropical music as an undertone, chasing them. Merlin was tired, honestly, he had gorged himself on ham salad and coconut marshmallows and now he was either going to pass out or throw up. He wasn't sure which, but his head hurt a little bit. He heard the sound of foot steps coming around the corner and his head snapped over and his eyes landed on a tall, blond entering the room. It was Arthur, obviously, but Merlin tried to pretend he were only a pillow, until he made sure Arthur was sneaking away from the party alone.

"Playing hide and seek?" asked Arthur now, as he got closer. Merlin untucked his ears from the blanket and looked up at him with a glare. "If you are, I found you... _ha_!"

"I was just hiding...I didn't want seeked."

"I guess that's too bad," said Arthur, offhanded as he eyed the sofa and Merlin on it, and then whished his hand around. "...move over." Merlin listened, and instead of sitting in the very middle of the sofa, he moved to one side, so Arthur could sit. Arthur did and then weaseled his way under the blanket as well. "Jesus Christ...it's already nine, are these fuckers ever going to leave?"

"I thought you were having a good time," remarked Merlin, ignoring the way Arthur kind of inched closer to him. That didn't matter now, while he was being sassy. "You smell like six different kinds of booze and your nose is dyed orange."

"Why is my nose orange?" offered Arthur, as he reached down with his head and rubbed his nose on the blanket. "I had seven beers and four shots of tequila."

"Am I meant to be impressed?" commented Merlin. "Because I'm not..."

"Ooh... not very friendly," retorted Arthur then, looking over at him with a smirk. Merlin only offered a rather dirty look in return. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," said Merlin, and he turned away from him. "Why would anything be the matter?"

"I know you too well...so, instead of brooding over it like a little boy, just tell me," said Arthur and Merlin turned back, ready to shout at him about calling him a little boy, or suggesting that he broods, but then he only frowned with a deep sigh as he looked at him and Arthur smiled back. "Come on, just tell me..."

"I was talking to your father," said Merlin then, just saying it. At least then he could get it off his chest, no matter what Arthur did, if he did fancy this girl or not. Merlin really didn't want to think about what that would mean. Not right now.

"I noticed that," said Arthur then. "I wondered what the fuck...because I thought you didn't like talking to him."

"I don't," said Merlin and Arthur grinned. "He seems to think you fancy that girl."

"What girl?" asked Arthur then, looking confused.

"The girl you were talking to earlier."

"I'm afraid I have no idea what girl you mean...I haven't been talking to anyone," said Arthur, still confused. "Except Leon, but he keeps going off to flirt with Morgana so, really...other than you, I've not talked to anyone."

"The girl...you talked to her while getting food, she's married to one of your dad's men," Merlin explained. "Elena...I think, she's blonde, she's-"

"Oh," Arthur laughed then. "Her...okay."

"Yeah, her?" pressed Merlin, glaring at Arthur now, but he didn't say anything else and that was rather annoying. So, Merlin went on. "Your dad says she looked like she liked you..."

Arthur laughed. "I'm sure she did."

Merlin rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Right..."

"Oh, come on..." Arthur retorted. "Who cares what he thinks?"

"I just wanted to know if-" but Merlin stopped talking then, because he felt stupid and he didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Never mind..."

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin didn't fail to notice this. "No, I don't fancy her, for fuck's sake...I was talking to her about the cucumber sandwiches."

Merlin pouted then and continued to feel stupid. "I just thought...because she's married..." he mumbled and Arthur looked over with a raised eyebrow. "Your father said you wouldn't care about that..."

"I don't," said Arthur and Merlin continued his trend of feeling incredibly stupid for bringing any of this up, but he was already there, and apparently couldn't stop himself.

"He says he you always get what you want."

Arthur huffed then and eyed Merlin for a second too long, before he smirked. "If only that were true..."

"Well...it kind of is."

"No," said Arthur, rather darkly. "Because if it were, I would've had you by now."

Merlin didn't necessarily mean to gasp, but he did and his eyes bugged out of his head a little bit, too. _"Arthur...?"_ he whispered, but also kind of shouted, in a loud whisper. "You can't...just say that."

"Why?" offered Arthur then, and Merlin felt his stomach turn, from more than just the ham salad. "It's the truth."

Merlin was completely and utterly at a lost for words, he had no idea what to say, what he did say sounded a lot like _"I...jeh...heh..."_ and those aren't words at all. Arthur only laughed and leaned closer to Merlin, pushing him back, until he was laying on the sofa. And he was freaking out a little bit about this, but Arthur wasn't actually doing anything to him, he just laid sandwiched between Merlin's body and the back of the sofa and rested his head down on Merlin's shoulder, covering them both with the blanket.

_He was just drunk_ , Merlin told himself, he didn't know what he was saying, that had to be it. Several minutes passed by slowly, Arthur's words toyed with Merlin, playing over and over in his head, and his own stupid feelings made him want them to be true. But he wasn't sure. "Arthur...?" he whispered now, and Arthur hummed, his breath hitting Merlin in the neck, and Merlin wondered for a long second, how they got like this. But of course, he remembered how and he continued, "Why...why did you kiss me?"

It was the question he wanted to ask so often, but chose not to, for safety reasons, for his own well-being. He didn't want to hear that it was a mistake, that Arthur was disgusted by it, even if somewhere in Merlin's mind he didn't really think Arthur was. But what Arthur was doing now, was confusing him and Merlin was pretty sure Arthur knew this as well. There was a long pause, so long Merlin thought he might not answer at first, but then he lifted his head and looked at Merlin with big, and maybe a little drunk, eyes. "I think it's pretty oblivious," Arthur said then, rather slowly. "That we're attracted to each other..."

_"What?!"_ said Merlin, because in all the possibilities he had thought up from the time he asked the question until now, he didn't expect Arthur to say that. Arthur still looked at him, a mix of a smirk and a glare on his lips and heavily lidded eyes.

"You're not stupid," he said. "You know it's true...what the fuck is the point in denying it?" Merlin shook his head, as if he were going to deny it, but he didn't actually say anything and Arthur went on. "And no...I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk. I know you're attracted to me...you're really rubbish at hiding it. And I didn't mean to kiss you...it just sort of _happened,_ but I don't regret it for a second, I wish I could do it again."

"I..." said Merlin, because he was at a loss for words again, but he had to say something, right? He had to. "Okay...but, why didn't you just tell me you knew?"

Arthur had looked away, at some spot on the floor, but he looked back now and smiled at Merlin like he _were_ stupid, and maybe he was. "Why would I do that?" he offered. "Besides...I liked it." Merlin rolled his eyes at this, because of course he would. "I didn't really like you accusing me of sleeping with everyone, but I guess I knew why."

"I wasn't always wrong though,..." remarked Merlin, and Arthur huffed, laying his head back down, and shoving his nose into Merlin's neck. Merlin really didn't know what any of this meant, what it might mean or if it really meant anything at all.

"You know the first moment I realized I was attracted to you?" said Arthur then, and Merlin wondered why he would say this, shouldn't they shut up now? And what if someone heard this? It felt very dumb, but also Merlin's ears burned to know the answer. "It was in Barcelona. I mean...I don't know, I always knew there was something different, there was something about you I was drawn to. I would've never gone to so much trouble for anyone else he's ever brought home...I don't know what that says about me, I didn't mean anything gross by it at first. But then after that trip, I was like holy shit, I'm fucked, aren't I? I don't even know what you did or said...it was just something changed. You were on the floor and I was on top of you and I don't even really know how that happened and I thought...Jesus Christ, I could've had you right there..."But not really, I couldn't."

Merlin's breathing hitched, maybe from Arthur's words or the story, or the thought...that Merlin remembered this trip, too. It was the trip he realized he was in love with Arthur and to think Arthur was almost thinking the same thing and he hadn't known it, couldn't do anything about it, it was gulling to him.

"It was after that point I realized we probably shouldn't be left alone together," said Arthur now and Merlin bit his lip, to keep himself from losing his mind. Because these things Arthur was saying just seemed unbelievable, he almost couldn't believe them. It just seemed like too much. "But Uther is a dumbass, see's everything with a straight filter on, he wouldn't ever realize...he wouldn't see it, and no offence...but your mother's a bitch, so she wouldn't care enough to notice.."

"What are you even talking about? Notice what, because we haven't actually done anything?" Merlin asked now, and Arthur leaned up again, balanced himself on his one elbow, as his other hand was now on Merlin's side. And Merlin had to take a moment to realize that Arthur was still very shirtless. Merlin gulped.

"I'm talking about the way we look at each other, the way we treat each other," said Arthur. "It's sure as fuck is not like siblings, it's not even like friends. We fight like a couple, Merlin...you only ever get mad at me if it involves someone else, have you noticed that?" He prompted and Merlin was frozen, not sure what to even do, let alone say. "And I'm talking about the way you make me smile when you text me and that never happens to me...I stop what I'm doing to reply, most everyone else I keep waiting awhile, but I don't want to with you, I want you to know you're important to me, because you are. It's also the way you make me laugh, because you're cute and I hate it. The way you sing and can write such good songs and yet think you haven't got any talent, and that actually kills me...I'm mostly talking about how I'm in love with you...in case you don't get it...I'm so disgustingly in love with you, to the point where I want to fucking throw up..."

"Arthur..." said Merlin, but he really didn't know what to say, he really honestly didn't. He was stunned into some form of insane silence, where even though he wanted to say something, he didn't know what or even how to start saying words at all. He wasn't sure if he opened his mouth now, words would come out at all, it might just be a bunch of rubbish.

"So no, Merlin...I don't fancy her, or anyone else," finished Arthur, and then he looked at Merin. As if trying to read him maybe or figure out what Merlin was thinking. Maybe even wanting Merlin to say something, but he still didn't know how.

"I don't know what to say..." he admitted this, because he saw no reason not to, Arthur had just admitted plenty to him. "What are we supposed to do now..?"

That was another thing Merlin wondered, what was the point of all this? Was it really going to change anything? Arthur let out a huff of air and shrugged. "We aren't going to do anything, we can't..."

"I wish-" Merlin started, but then stopped himself, because he didn't really know what he wished...maybe that things were different, but if they were, everything would be different and it is very possible they wouldn't have ever even met. So, there was no point in wishing things could be different, there was no point in wishing at all.

"I know," answered Arthur, because he seemed to understand this, too. Merlin looked at him now and their eyes met. It warmed Merlin, in some weird way, to know Arthur felt these things, too, that he struggled with the same thoughts and worries and he felt the same way about Merlin. It made Merlin feel less alone, and even more connected to Arthur than before. They had always been close, but it felt as if they were connected even deeper now, and Merlin thought...that they were. They were literally in love with each other, if what Arthur said was the truth, how could anyone be more connected than that..?

They were kissing again before Merlin even really realized one person was leaning in, he wasn't honestly entirely sure who had even been the one to lean. But, it really didn't matter now. This kiss was a lot different from the one in the loo, this one was slow, a lot less needy and wet. It was more like they were trying to show each other how they felt, it was soft and gentle and very, very slow. Arthur would capture Merlin's lips with his mouth, and then let go and linger for a second, only to do it again. He did this several times, before Merlin placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a lot longer.

That, even if it hadn't been Merlin's intention, seemed to turn a switch, because the kiss changed after that. Arthur moved around until he was leaning over Merlin, his knees on either side of Merlin's hips and his hands holding himself up on the sofa. The kiss didn't break or stop, as he moved, but it was a lot dirtier now. At least Merlin felt like it was dirty, in a way that made his skin feel like it were on fire and his breath hitch in his throat. Arthur kissed him hard now, with an open mouth and he used his tongue to pry Merlin's lips open as well. Which, only made Merlin gasped and do so willing, hands trailing down to Arthur's back, crawling at his bare skin, even though there was nothing really to hold on to there, he still tried-

And then there was two sets of heavy footsteps coming down the hall, and the both of them froze, in some deep level of horrified fear. Arthur pulled away, but still stayed on top of him, until the foot steps got quieter, going up the stairs now, and his ridged body relaxed a little bit. But he only rolled back into his position before and didn't look at Merlin again.

"This is why we can't..." he said, and he almost sounded defeated about it. And Merlin nodded, and didn't say anything else, because he knew Arthur was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Arthur is the king....of making me question his stupidity. I have also learned that I write kissing scenes very vividly and that only means I have read WAY too much fanfiction in my life. But oh well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter either way!!)


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